How much research?

Recently I have received some nice feedback on my blog. I don't post very often, but it's always flattering when people do their research. This leads me to wonder... How much research do subs generally do when looking for a Mistress? Do you skim the About page, go to the Gallery and then email? Or do you seek out reviews, read blogs, ask other subs, etc? How does this correlate with the session experience, if at all?

I find that the more research someone has done the more fun I have- generally. It's not always the case, but mostly true.

Thoughts?


xoxo.

I think most subs research pretty hard. I want to make sure our interests match or are close. So, yes I look at interests, gallery and pricing before contacting. Many websites just have almost no information. That will usually make me continue to another sight.
To me a website doesn’t have to over the top fancy.
What are interests and limits.
Gallery and it doesn’t have to be lengthy.
Tribute.
Equipment. Sounds, strapons, tens etc.

If it’s a Domme that I’m interested in seeing then I will try to read up on them. If they aren’t a big name Domme it’s kind of hard to find out much about them other than their own website.

Good to know!

Do you find an email exchange usually helps? I think that if someone can write in an articulate way, it is usually a good sign.

Sure it can be of course if it is themselves answering. For the most part all Dommes responded professionally. Although usually they seem more stern in an email than in person.

I usually am attracted to Dommes who I have interacted with in some way so I actually do know something about them before really looking into booking for a session. Once I see an opportunity to book with someone I want to see, I do try to get as much info as possible from all sources I can find but I specifically am looking for info about their protocols for contact and deposit as well as their rates.

Booking first sessions are always a giant pain in the butt for me because I have my own rules that I don't bend on and I hate to waste a Dommes' time with that inquiry if we aren't a good match from a business perspective. Also, how much they communicate or trade emails has nothing to do with my decision, since I never reach out unless I am ready to book (as long as we can come to terms from a business perspective).

The one complaint I have about certain domme's websites is that they do not list their interests, or else the description of their interests is so vague that it is next to useless. So, if I follow up on such an ad, I may find out that she doesn't do X or Y, but loves Z, and I happen to have no interest in Z activities. It would save a waste of energy if interests were clearly specified on their websites.

I find so many who list practically everything as their interest or "specialties." That's no more useful than not listing their interests at all.

I suspect that some of those who don't list interests lack experience and don't really know what people might want - or what they might or might not want. And then there are some who hope they've presented themselves in a way that a potential client will contact them and ask about their interest or experience in what he's looking for.

I absolutely agree with you that understanding compatibility in interests before reaching out to contact is really important for the majority of clients.

I was answering for myself and my approach is such that my only interest is in pleasing and experiencing her as a Domme. That means even if our interests don't match up but she is skilled with what she loves (which tends to be there case), I still get a lot out of our time. So, an interest list is much less critical to my decision.

I think I do research although I don’t have a protocol I follow. Generally if it’s someone I haven’t heard if or don’t know much about I’ll try to get as much info as possible. If she has a blog I’ll definitely read the blog. If I get a strong recommendation from someone I know then probably less research. If it’s someone I know I want to session with from MF or here then not much research at all but in that case I’m probably already following their Twitter and have read a lot about them. So I guess it depends on the circumstances but I think if a Mistress has stuff online about herself and her philosophy and practice it’s a good thing and I’m eagerly going to read it.

So you do read through the website and her blog if she indeed has one?

Excellent!

Yes.. even if I already know her personally (and sometimes, I will look at a blog again even if I have seen her before to see uodates). However, it is more to look for disqualifiers and rules/preferences around contact more than compatibility or to view pictures (since it is guaranteed I have seen pictures long before I look at a website).

I will read the entire non-blog portion of the web site if I am interested in making an appointment.

If she has a huge blog ( years of archived posts on the side bar ) I will skim the titles of some of the latest posts. If I am very interested in a particular kink I will search the blog to see how often she wrote about it.

If she has a smaller blog I will look at the titles of all of her posts and read the ones that peak my interest.

I suppose many mistresses blogs are about their travels and more mundane things like that, so may not be very interesting for discerning a personality lurking in there. But then, that is probably neither here nor there for most.

What I was trying to get at was whether one usually looks for a personality to shine through in a mistress or whether compatibility, looks, and availability were the only concerns.

Absolutely, that is what the reading I mentioned is about.




Personality is a big part of compatibility.

My answer to that question is that I actually trust the personality I see the least of everything I pick up. Some Dommes may actually post in their "real" voice, but for the most part my experience tells me that they are role playing their Domme character when they are putting together marketing material, which is what websites & blogs are about.

There are more glimpses of personality in social media interactions with other Dommes, friends and long-term clients but again you have to dig through the marketing posts and interactions with subs they don't really know to feel it out.

What about politics...?

I think it’s better off not mentioning. It seems too touchy these days. While I don’t care what side the Domme votes some might.

To me, it seems some would care-- potentially you are funding someone who has an opposing point of view. I think if I was a sub it would definitely matter to me, although I would not pry to find out.

But that’s why I’m not for talking about it. It’s swings both ways someone could refuse to session with you just because you don’t vote their way. I have friends on both side and in business I don’t let it effect me. People are people at the end of the day. Nothing good usually comes out of talking politics on two different sides. Again I’m all for everyone speaking their mind but there’s a time and place. Now there’s a huge difference between knowing someone’s political views vs they bring up just before a session starts could kill the mood right there.

I don't inquire as to their politics.

If it that information is freely available on their web site, twitter page,etc... I will read it.

Years ago it wouldn't have mattered to me much, it takes all kinds to make a world.

However, in 2019 it matters to me.

There are just so many issues that matter, with so many egregious actions happening around each issue. Ideally I would like to have a rapport with a prodomme. I can't see a rapport developing between myself and another person who supports the aforementioned egregious actions.

That isn't meant as disrespect to anyone.

I know my feelings, I know that part of my psychology. I know what works in that regard and what does not work.

Lastly trading stamps.

A prodomme who gives out trading stamps at the end of each session is a plus. Irene Boss pioneered that years ago. It was great. I got a toaster oven. Awesome for bagels. I'm hoping to work my way up to an air fryer. :-)

Irene Boss can afford to do that because She doesn't need a toaster oven or an air fryer to warm anyones buns.

+1

AspX,

I have been thinking about this response today and I have to say it makes me a bit sad, although I know exactly where you are coming from.

That is a great idea! There's a reason she's a legend. In fact, many reasons.

If I was handing someone $300 an hour for anything, I would be concerned about their politics. Especially now.

Politics does matter, but in a different way:

I prefer people having an opposite political view to mine but being articulate and tolerate than having my political view and being an asshole about it.
That applies to all people, including dominas.

At this point I have a few Dommes that I have established connections to, but generically, especially if travelling...here's my process
1: Review "about" section, as usually it gives info that's important.
2: Review pictures, as there does need to be a connection, but it's more than just "looks" it's "The Look" as I'm a lover of latex and leather, as well as corsets...
3: I look at interests, specialties, limits, as those are gonna matter.
4: I look at location, call me old fashioned, but I prefer Dungeon scenarios vs others
5: I look at cost. Respectfully, I don't balk on price, but I don't move forward if it's not comparable to ONE of best Dommes in world Ive had the pleasure to submit to. So, if it's more than what she charges, I have no reason to delve outside of perfection for higher costs. I know she's gonna push me, pull me, chain me and train me, and while variety is a spice, hard to overcome that.

After all of that, I'll look for reviews. I prefer to get from sites like this, as you know they aren't staged reviews. I've NEVER seen a Mistress based on a review, but I have certainly avoided them based on the feedback I've been given here and Max (prior)

Mistress Vernonica, as one who frequently travels (50% of the year) I feel that research is a key to a great session. When I am often traveling, I will research on who is well known in that particular city and if I know a pro-domme who has traveled there before, I'll ask them who they recommend. On one particular occasion, I had asked a pro-domme in Philadelphia who they recommend in Chicago since I'd be there for a month. This particular pro-domme recommended Mistress Simone based on our interest. Even though we were never able to get a date hammered down to scheduling conflicts it was a relief to know that there are people out there who believe in the sister-hood as one domme put it about other dommes. There are also times where I'll research their websites, 3rd party websites like Eros, Dickie Virgin, etc, blogs, and possibly even their profile on Fetlife or Twitter.