Choosing A Mistress

I have always been interested in why a sub chooses to serve a certain Mistress.

Is body type a major factor?

Does age and experience play a role.

Does social media (posts, photos, clips) influence your choice?

How important is a Domme's website?

Do interviews and blogs help you to make a decision?

Do you research a Mistress before scheduling, or is physical attraction enough?

Do positive or negative reviews effect your decision?

Do you normally choose the same type of Mistress repeatedly, or do you see every new-traveling Domme who comes your way?

Are you loyal to one Mistress, or see several?

Is a Mistress's session rate a deal breaker, if it's above a certain amount?

Pretty simple for me. Session interests and price. I have seen probably 50 different Dommes over about 20+ years. Stay loyal to some but I travel a lot so I would session in different states.

To me it’s mostly their interests and location (distance). Price I can over look if the first too factors are ok. I prefer older Dommes, but can still session with a young one. As for size or race doesn’t matter to me. Obviously the better the website better chance I’ll read it all. Reading their thoughts or Q&A is important. One time I was reading up on a Domme and thought we were a good match and then I read her QA thing and realize we wouldn’t be so better than wasting each other’s time. Hope this helps.

• I look for something that stands out, whatever it is, as long as it seems above average to me, whether it is experience, passion, intelligence... It can also be because of the dungeon, a rare or atypical mastered speciality, a particular style of play...


• I also like when some activities have a dedicated page. For example, Iʼm much more encline to ask for a kidnapping session or extended bondage session to a domme who has gone into details with this on her website, than a domme who just lists it among other regular activities. I can spend a lot of time with multiple keywords combination on Google just to find the approach I like the most to an activity! This is what led me to Poland last year.

It also is because I have a somewhat rigid mind. I love to see on a website something like "an extended bondage session lasts x hours and costs xxx$, it can be done with X, Y or Z type of restraint" ; rather than just see it listed as a practice. I hate mailing pro-dommes without being sure about whether I will book a session or not. So I always like when everything is clear even before the booking. Of course it is a not a main point here, but sometimes it helps to break a tie.


• Positive reviews can help, but I only briefly read the reviews that are on her website.

• I recently added few pro dommes to my "to see" list just because I was impressed by what she wrote on twitter or even here. A person's intelligence is what arouse me the most.

• Regarding photos, professional photoshoots are always cool to make you drool! I do care about sessions photo depending on what I'm looking for. For example, when looking for a strict bondage session, I love to see what the pro-domme is capable of doing (Mistress Jill, Belgium, is now a must-meet to me). But most of the time, I don't even look at sessions photos.

• I don't care about age or body type, even though I'd like to discover everything, from 22 to 70 years old. Every single profile type has something different to give!


• I'm a very "visual guy", so how the website looks always is more or less important. But if a website is really bad, I'll focus even more on the content at first. Who knows, it could be a brilliant pro-domme who just wanted to do it herself but don't know nothing about how do to it properly. But most of the time, an ambitous domme (which type I love to meet) makes a point to have a cool website.

In all cases, what never catches my attention is to find a very generic, unpersonal website, with very few details (if any!) about the domme and her approach.


• I'm passionate about pro dommes and the little world they build around them, so I like to discover new pro mistresses, I'm not the loyal type.

Until today, my regular D/s relationship have always been without money involved and I'm going to keep it this way. In this case, I'm loyal, of course.

I have a strong LEATHER fetish so her choice of wardrobe really matters.
I prefer a excellent figure
Age is important as it is hard to relate to the young newbies
I have no interest in social media but a website and reviews are important
My price limit is 250 and I rarely go above that
As far as race my first preference is black woman


I hope my reply is helpful
All the best,
wolf

Body type not a factor.
Age is not much a factor, but experience is--much prefer very experienced and do tend to like older.
Media posts and the like can pique interest, not a determinant.
A professionally done website is a plus.
Not interviews, but tryouts.
I do some research and ask people I have seen for their suggestions.
I have tended to prefer longer term relationships, but have seen different people when I have travelled.
I am loyal and usually ask permission to expand my horizons.
Higher rates can be an issue.

What is the key factor in whether I choose to try to see someone is information on what sessions could include.

Yes. I like several types, but I have to find the prodomme physically compelling.




Yes on both.

Some of the younger prodommes look like high school girls to me who broke into their mother's lingerie drawers. Kills the attraction.

Experience is pure magic. Combined with personality and rapport can override a lot of other things and make for sessions that are remembered for years.



Yes. It helps me know the professional a little better and it is the start of making a rapport.



Important. No web site or a poor web site ( right or wrong ) makes me thing the person is a low effort professional




Yes, and for the same reasons I described for social media participation.




Research.

I had that session with the awesome looking woman in kinky clothes who didn't know what she was doing. It was a very luke warm experience.




Positive reviews, no. You can always find someone to post a platitudinous review and many professionals do.

Negative reviews,yes. At least on The Hang negative reviews bring a lot of negative attention to the author of the review. If someone posts a negative review, publicly ( not in a PM ), my thinking is either the session was bad enough that they are will take the risk of censure to tell other people OR the person is a crank who really wants to stick it to the professional.



Neither. I would rather stick with the same professional, but the ones I really like are all a significant trip away from me.

I find hotel sessions to be kind of lack luster as a rule. I have had some sessions where the professional was a wizard and it didn't matter.



Yes.

I don't mind some variation, but there were some professionals I contacted whose rates were significantly higher than the going rate of the time. Some I could see why they thought they could charge more, some I could not. Regardless it was more than I wanted to pay so I diplomatically backed out of arranging the session.

Thought provoking questions, thanks for the post. Here is my 2 cents.


Is body type a major factor?
To some extent yes. I prefer a taller Domme, more athletic build but that's not a deal breaker depending on other attirbutes the Domme has such as sharing my interests and her experience level.


Does age and experience play a role.
Yes it does. I have been involved in BDSM with ProDommes for over 25 years, so I am not at all comfortable playing with young dommes.
Experience is huge for me. I won't session with anyone who hasn't been a practicing Domme for at least 3 years. preferably 5.


Does social media (posts, photos, clips) influence your choice?
Yes, to a minor extent. If am interested in a Domme I will check out her social media to try and get a feel for her overall communication style. I have seen some Dommes speak about their clients (not by name) in very derogatory ways and that is a deal breaker for me. Just seems very unprofessional and not a particularly good business practice.

How important is a Domme's website?
Very important. It is the first impression that a Domme makes on me. The more information on the website the better. The website gives me some idea of her appearance, her interests, her own hard limits, what kind of equipement she has, what her playspace looks like.

Do interviews and blogs help you to make a decision?
I will look at blogs to get a sense of the Domme.


Do you research a Mistress before scheduling, or is physical attraction enough?
I always research the Mistress.

Do positive or negative reviews effect your decision?
Only if I know the reviewer and have confidence in his opinion. Fake reviews are everywhere, so I don't pay a lot of attention unless they are from someone I know to be real, such as some of the other subs on this site.

Do you normally choose the same type of Mistress repeatedly, or do you see every new-traveling Domme who comes your way?

I am all about chemistry in the session. When there is great chemistry with a Domme I tend to be loyal to her. I will however see new Dommes while traveling or schedule a session with a new Domme locally if there is something that I find especially interesting or appealing about her.

Are you loyal to one Mistress, or see several?
I am mostly loyal, but will occasionally experiment with new Mistresses. I also will repeatedly see one or two Mistresses who travel to my location. That's always fun, like seeing an old friend.
However, the Mistress I primarily see has no problem with me seeing others and has even recommended Dommes to me depending on to where I was traveling.

Is a Mistress's session rate a deal breaker, if it's above a certain amount?
The rate to me is, within reason, not a deal breaker. I am a slut for very heavy leather bondage sessions which require lots of highend and expensive equipment. The typical Domme I see has invested heavily in her craft and is very experienced. I am ok with an hourly fee at the higher end of the spectrum so long as I get the kind of experience that is important to me.

One thing that you didn't ask about is the communication style and intelligence of the Domme. I am always impressed by a Domme who has strong communication skills, writes well and comes across as intelligent and well spoken.

Is body type a major factor? Not specifically, but I do have to have a physical attraction to someone before I will book.

Does age and experience play a role? Not specifically, but someone who I believe give me something unique based on their expertise with something (which usually translates to experience) is someone who I am more likely to be attracted to and therefore will book a session.

Does social media (posts, photos, clips) influence your choice? Yes, although it is more about their interactions with people in social media... I have become obsessed with seeing someone based on our interactions and completely turned off by Dommes I was interested in based on what they post.

How important is a Domme's website? Not very important to get me interested, but very important for giving me the information I need before contacting Her and possibly wasting both our time.

Do interviews and blogs help you to make a decision? Not a major factor, but it can effect a final decision to contact someone

Do you research a Mistress before scheduling, or is physical attraction enough? Physical attraction is never enough, but how much research is based on how much stuff I pick up in the ether before diving in

Do positive or negative reviews effect your decision? They effect my decisions a lot... multiple positive and descriptive reviews that show me we would be a good match in session is HUGE for me. Negatives, not so much... unless it is from a sub who has posted a lot and that I respect or multiple different non-newby accounts saying the same thing, I basically ignore them. Good examples are a particular house-style dungeon in Chicago that had some very interesting Dommes was absolutely crossed off my list based on review after review about their questionable practices and the same goes for another in New York that is well known for recording visitors.

Do you normally choose the same type of Mistress repeatedly, or do you see every new-traveling Domme who comes your way? I used to see every new traveling Domme that would come to Detroit, partially based on wanting to support that choice and I got a lot of variety because of that. At this moment I am more settled and happy Dommes I have seen multiple times before, but I certainly wouldn't say they are the same "type" by any stretch of the imagination.

Are you loyal to one Mistress, or see several? I am poly, so I see multiple Dommes but I am completely loyal to each one when I am within their control (which in many cases extends beyond the session itself). For example, I was basically living as a personal slave for 12 days straight at the end of July and one night my Domme was on the fence about attending a foot party. The main reason for Her was actually to "reward" me by taking me, but that all went away when I told Her that there was no way I would go and worship some other Domme (even if I knew them) while under Her control unless She was ordering me to do so... so we didn't actually go.

Is a Mistress's session rate a deal breaker, if it's above a certain amount? Yes... but not just because I am a cheap bastard. Even though Dommes say they do not compete in that way, I feel it is a completely different level of cheating/disrespect to pay a much higher rate for someone I have never met than I pay for someone I have an established relationship with and that I would choose if the two of them were lined up in the same room. Because of that, the top rate I will pay has been $300 per hour and I have even done two hour sessions for $600 rather than a one hour session for $350 just to maintain that line. There have been many Dommes that I have always wanted to see that I ended up rejecting because their rates crossed that line (and I don't negotiate to try to get Dommes to meet my number). This number may move upwards as Dommes I currently see up their rates, but it will still really be about staying in line with my group of Dommes.

Is body type a major factor?
I have a preference for tall and slim but it's certainly not a major factor as most I have served definitely haven't fit that preference.

Does age and experience play a role.
A bit I suppose. Experience doesn't really matter for me much at all, while I have a preference for dommes that are a bit younger, I imagine partly due to my age.

Does social media (posts, photos, clips) influence your choice?
Most definitely. For me a domme doesn't need hundreds of photos, but having like a handful of recent pics helps a lot, while having next to no photos makes me unlikely to session with a domme.
A domme having clips or any kind of video like an interview or something is definitely a bonus, it makes me feel way more comfortable knowing what she looks and sounds like.

How important is a Domme's website?
Somewhat important. A very old and outdated website can kind of turn me away.

Do interviews and blogs help you to make a decision?
Absolutely! Anything that helps me learn more about what they're like before hand definitely helps me decide.

Do you research a Mistress before scheduling, or is physical attraction enough?
Yes. Looks matter to some extent, but most important to me is what a domme offers and what she is like.
I have a very wide range of interests so the most important factor above all others asked is what a domme's interests are and if their BDSM personality is compatible with mine.

For example I personally almost always serve dommes who advertise as very sadistic rather than those who advertise nurturing or gentle since i'm not often very compatible with that BDSM personality.

Are you loyal to one Mistress, or see several?
Several. I can't see myself ever sticking to one domme, I have too many fetishes and kinks for one domme to ever fit me, there's no way there's a domme that shares all the interests I have completely.
For an FLR partner I could vow to remain loyal even if it means compromising on kinks, but never for a professional domme.

Is a Mistress's session rate a deal breaker, if it's above a certain amount?
Yeah. If it's above $400 an hour it's an absolute no-go for me, and above like $300 I probably won't be seeing the domme too much (nor for longer sessions). That might change years down the line for me though when I have more disposable income.

Me, too, particularly why I choose a certain mistress.


Yes, but more about rejection than acceptance. I'm fairly short, so mistresses who emphasize their height (6'-11" in heels) gotta have something more attractive to me. I don't like them too skinny, and the ones who are built like a fullback go quickly into the reject pile.


Experience, definitely, particularly experience in my particular kink of spanking. I've seen some youngsters who have experience in what I like that seems far beyond their age, though all other things being equal, I prefer them older, say 45+. That's the age of someone who might have actually spanked me (mother, aunt, teacher, for example) during my kink-formative years. And also, because they just seem to speak better in session - more creative than threatening.


I don't do Twitter, but I do look for posts in forums such as this, and photos and video clips to get an idea of what they look like in action, though I understand that these are often as not not representative - but it's another data point.


To me, very important. It's her public face. If a web site hasn't changed in 10 years, or text is poorly written, or it just doesn't give me enough useful basic information, then I write off both the web site and the mistress.



The can be good guidance as a starting point when researching a mistress. I appreciate them because sometimes it's my first look as someone who might be right for me - then I look further.

That should be obvious from what I've written so far.



Only if I know the reviewer, and know that he or she looks for the same sort of things in a session as I do. So many reviews have so little relevant content that it's often hard to tell, other than in extreme cases, whether I see it as positive or negative.


That's two questions! I have a few favorites and while I don't "serve" anybody, I tend to go back to them for the reliability. They don't get boring. Occasionally someone who I have some interest in seeing comes to town, and sometimes we get together, but much of the time I find schedule, location, or cost to stand in the way.


I don't have a local favorite so nearly all of my sessions are when I'm traveling. If I have two or three favorites in a city (this is the case in NY and LA, for instance), I'm likely to see someone this trip that I didn't see last trip. And I'm not such a pain slut that I have to see all three on one trip.


Yes, definitely. I have a few on my bucket list that I doubt that I'll ever see due to the cost or minimum session length. I'm the $150 half-hour spanking guy.

You bring up a good point when it comes to rate. You are a 30 minute spanking guy. I have been involved in some scenes that need to last at least an hour. I will not be referring to those.
But you just want someone to spank you. Me, I want SO play. For the sub that is looking for a 1or 2 item menu do a shorter session for lesser money but still at a higher % than the full hour.
I know getting set up, for these Dommes, can be time consuming but I am not talking about that kind of session either.
Would a Domme make a killing doing a 45 minute one or two kink session for $150? Nothing elaborate.

Gandalf? Is that you?

Hi Ms. Woods.

For me looks are important but not as important as other things. I have a certain body type that I look for and I don't like a lot of tattoos. More important is experience. I look for someone that has been around for a while. I do look at reviews but mainly to establish how long the mistress has been doing this.

Cost is becoming an issue as I posted here before but its not a deal breaker unless it's ridiculous. A mistress wanting 500 an hour with a 2 hour minimum would be out of my league but i find that is mostly new mistresses that I don't really have any interest in anyway.

I usually see the same mistresses when I travel but every now and then I like to mix it up.

Yes, you are making a silly joke, but there are some prodommes out there who have a combination of experience, imagination, intelligence, and passion for what they do to such an extent they are artists/magicians.

I remember once sesssion where the prodomme rented out a very large motel room and brought equipment with her that made a nicer set up than some dungeons.

That was one of the exceptions to the hotel session rule I was thinking of.

I would think so, but it seems that there aren't very many like me, so anyone trying to make a living would have to take longer and higher priced sessions. And then there's the opportunity cost - If I book 30 minutes at, say 5 PM, having to turn down someone calling at 4 PM wanting a two hour session after work and before going home to dinner would be a significant loss to the mistress. How often does that happen? Who knows?

I've had plenty of half-hour sessions from those who classify themselves as "disciplinarian," but lately several have taken up "life coaching" where they can spend an hour or more with a client, dressed in normal clothes, doing a lot of talking (and I'm sure that takes some special skills and preparation) and not a lot of ass beating. It's hard work to spank for the better part of half an hour, and as long as life coaching is doing well enough, they've stopped taking half-hour sessions.

I've had some really excellent half-hour spanking on my budget over the years. Fortunately there are still a few who understand that a disciplinary spanking or even a just-for-fun spanking doesn't need to take an hour, and are willing to accommodate.

I've suggested to a few full-range dommes who truly love spanking that they try a regularly scheduled "just spanking" day, once a week, or once or twice a month. Nobody's bit on that yet, though I've noticed an occasional pop-up spanking special but it's usually someplace I'm not.

Fortunately, there are still house dommes who are good spankers, and although both of the places in the LA area where I go when I'm in the area have raised their half-hour rate from $125-130 to $150. Maybe by the next price increase, I'll really be too old for this.