Musings of a Vanilla Relationship

Just a bit of background, my late husband, who many folks here knew as Jack or, Thumper passed 3 years ago. We had such a wonderfully, unique relationship. We'd play once in a blue moon but, were mainly traditional at home. It is hard to say, "Be on your knees when the lights go off and....oh, did you pay the cleaning lady and, who's picking the kids up from soccer practice?" So, Michelle Lacy and, I would get together and, come up with awesome sessions that I'd send him off to. He needed an unfamiliar space with mystery. Gosh, Michelle and, I had a blast and....my husband loved it too. It was truly the best of both worlds with us...and, something that most anyone else would think we were crazy for living out.

Skip to three years later. I really didn't think I'd be okay after losing Jack...I certainly didn't think that I'd ever be in another relationship. But, Mother Earth gave me more grace and, love than I deserve. Without looking for anyone...it just sort of happened...one of my neighbors where Jack and, I vacationed in Tennessee just sort of found each other. Here is what I find so darn funny. He is quite vanilla. He is open minded, fun and...we act like high school kids too much of the time...but, how funny is it to be in a relationship with someone who has no idea about Cheyenne or, ClubDom or, the crazy videos I've made? He'll say things like, "I'd love it if you took control one night." I have to laugh...does he realize that means he's going to come home one day and, I would have hired someone rig to the bedroom ceiling with a wire and, pulley system? Then, there is no shocking me. He was teasing me one day because I keep talking in my sleep. He said he'd have to get me a muzzle. He was looking for the shock factor there and, I said, "Oh, can it be pink with sparkles? I've never played that side of the fence before." The look on his face was priceless. Then, there was the tens unit. I am recovering from a broken arm. So, he ordered a tens unit to surprise me with. I've never laughed so hard. He sat there, looking at me, wondering what in the heck was so funny. I kept thinking, this is like a ClubDom script. Poor guy has no idea. It is quite a riot to be in a vanilla relationship.

So, how is it for you? Do you like the contrast? Need to session with someone in a place that is separate from your home life or, wish to live it 24/7? Do you enjoy shocking your vanilla partner?

Life is full surprises. Glad you found someone who makes you happy. I gotta ask are you ever going to tell your new guy about your past or just want to start over with him?

As for your question I prefer to keep my session separate from home life. I tried it with a lifestyle Domme once and it was too much about S&M and not enough about life.

That was a very amusing story. Thanks for sharing it with us.

Congratulations.

I should have clarified. He knows about my career and, Cheyenne life. He just doesn't have a concept of it. It is one thing to tell someone and, another for them to fully grasp it. Yes, I am with you on the separation thing. It worked best for me too. :-)

:-)

Thanks, Soapy.

Question: has he seen any videos of Cheyenne or Club Domme?

Also, I'm really happy for you! Having a partner to do things with makes them so much better. My deal with my wife is that when either of us goes, the surviving partner should find another love if possible; I want her to be happy and she wants the same for me. That's what love is.

You have a very good head on your shoulders, and this makes me reluctant to give unsolicited advice, but I think that what I have to say is important, so here it is.

I think you should never talk about this any more on this or any other forum, at least not for a few years. Just the act of confiding in a group where your husband does not belong can have a negative impact.

You found a happy equilibrium, so why not enjoy it? Changes at this early stage are risks. There is an expression in the game of bridge, you found a fit, why look for a misfit?

Any kind of relation where you both are happy is good. There is no inherent plus value in BDSM over vanilla or the reverse. If you migrate towards BDSM the vast difference in experience can affect your relation so you will have to tread very carefully.

You are in a delicate situation, but if anybody can pull it off it is you.

He's aware that I made videos but, no, he's never seen any. :-)

Thank you for your advice. It is nice that you care enough to offer it. Although this forum is public enough for anyone to seek out, I've always thought of it as being a little bit anonymous. My neighbors, I am quite certain, don't even know that it is exists. It is really nice to be able to share things with like minded folks that would be completely lost on others.

First of all:
Lucky guy! I should have vacationed in Tennessee as well :-)

Second:
How can you be so sure he didn't watch some of your videos?
If it was me, I definitely would do some background research, even if it wasn't "my thing", just out of curiosity.
Maybe this gave him the idea with the Tens unit...
... just a little mischievousness :-)

Finally:
I am happy for you!
And thanks for all your enthusiastic and well written contributions to this board!

The little town where Jack and, I bought our vacation home in Tennessee, is really cool. The circle of friends we were close with knew, vaguely, knew about my career and, laughed it off..."Well, maybe she was a stripper in college - kind of attitude." No one really cared. This area was a great find...such special people. So, my fiance knew..and, as funny as it is that he seems like he is setting himself up...the innocence is endearing. He really doesn't have a clue that a tens unit is any more than a therapeutic device for sore muscles or, who he just gave one to. It does inspire a ClubDom script...unsuspecting or, giving hints? Hmmm.....

First obvious congratulations. I’m very happy for you as I’m sure everyone else here is too. You are a sweetheart and it’s nice to see good things happen to good people.

I’ll try and answer your question without writing a book which is what it would really take. Basically I would not want to be dominated by my wife in any way even if she was into it sexually which she most definitely is not. I’ve been married a long time. It’s been good but we my wife is a type A person who likes to run things and I’m a type A person for a large part as well. Outside of my submissive maso sexual orientation I don’t like to be run and I’m not submissive at all. We have a lot in common but also are very different and truthfully we’ve been good for each other. Our temperaments are also luckily very different.

Wow. That sounds like mine and, Jack's relationship. After he passed and, his kids went digging and, found out that I was a dominatrix, they just went nuts. If they only knew...two kinky people found each other, loved each other and, gave each other freedom to get their blue moon freak on once in a while...all the while enjoying a very traditional marriage. It does happen. I've never been a 24/7 kind of dom. My former personal slave may disagree...lol. But, we were best friends, above kink. We keep in touch, after all of these years. 24/7 seems unnatural to me. But, to each other own...no judgements. My experience has been that owning a 24/7 slave is more work and, responsibility than caring for a dog. On top of that, they are more needy and, complicated.

If it was me, I definitely would play it for a while, just don't know how long...
... eventually I would want to experiment.

Please let us know his explanation once he hands you a riding crop :-)

I will always remember the Frenchman, picking up a steelworks chastity device and asking how that bottle opener worked. (When on doubt, it must have something to do with wine, no?)

Sad for your loss, but happy you have a new love.

It is your life. I think that the last movie James Gandolfini made, "Enough said" maid the same point in a much better way than I could. It was a very good movie too. I hope I am wrong.

:-)

That’s crazy and sad about Jack’s kids digging into your past after he passed. I like to think that my kids would just be happy for me or my wife if we found someone after the other was gone. They are open minded so I’m sure that would be the case as long as the person was a decent person.

24/7 is a hot fantasy which I think on from time to time but I know myself pretty well. I’m strong minded and stubborn and have a lot going on with friends family and what not. As good as the fantasy is I don’t think I could do it not that I am going to have the chance.