What Do U Do 4 a Living - Dreaded Question

Anticipation of this question literally puts knots in my stomach. Now that I am older, I can say that I am semi retired and, do a little consulting work. (Which is true.) But, I still hate the question. I don't want to lie. I don't want to alienate neighbors and, vanilla friends. In younger years, I found myself avoiding making new friendships because I didn't want them to be built on lies. How do the ladies here handle this question?

Mistress, I've often wondered about that issue for many dominas that I see all over the web. Four I served over the years have vanilla careers and knew pretty well. All were or are single, ranged in age from their late 30s to late 50s when I knew them, and I found out a good amount about their lives away from the dungeon.

One never showed her face in online ads or videos she produced, but she was quite stunning. She did that because she ran her own fitness business. Another is a fitness competitor who rarely uses her pics in her ads and has a couple of kids. The third is a graphic artist/teacher who used to advertise a lot. Now, after a long hiatus, she is back doing sessions but under-the-radar, no ads because she created her own company. The fourth retired about a decade ago was around NYC from the late '90s until the late '00s and only had print ads in the old New York Magazine personals section. I only saw one picture of her online or in print, a fuzzy black & white with her wearing enormous sunglasses. She sessioned in her apartment that was in a medical building. We had to be pretty quiet. She was a nurse or medical technician, based in NYC but eventually left to return to the South, in part to take care of her parents and work at a hospital nearby.

Few, if any, of these ladies' friends or family knew about their alter-egos... just like so many of us subs, slaves and kinksters who served them. They all believed in discretion.

That question (OK, it's too hot to go outside and play today) reminded me of this song - We Are The Nowtones by Blotto



If you get bored, fast forward to about 4:40

Luckily I have a vanilla job, so I use that a lot.

If I didn't, I'd probably say something like modeling or ghost writing. If they ask for your model profile, say you're not comfortable giving any info on that due to the fact that some of your pics aren't work friendly. Hopefully they won't press on that.

It is nice to have a vanilla job to cover with. At my age, neighbors aren't too nosy. But, when I was younger...it is a little rough. They would have pressed on it. Ghost writing is a good one, though. :-)

Looking back, that probably would have been the way for me to go. I was having so much fun as a FemDom and, it was pure of heart, honest play. The magazine covers and, videos were fun too. I guess everything has a price. Nice that your Dom friends were able to have fun and, fly under the radar. My family has always been completely cool about my career...and, many of them are quite religious. I was lucky there.

LOL. That was great. I have never heard of them. What a fun band.

I hate this question. I generally say I work freelance in tech/marketing--which is true, as this is the bulk of my day.

For the most part I am out to my family and close friends. I used to be much more cavalier about just telling people what I do, but I kind of became a "Character" rather than a person. Now, I am much more private unless it is important for someone to know as this would not just affect me, but those close to me. Also everyone has kids and I don't want people to think that I would be a bad influence or something.

I am lucky as "What do you do for a living" is considered a pretty invasive question here, almost flat out rude.

My feelings and, experiences exactly. I am so lucky that my family doesn't think anything about it. Even their in laws, who are very religious think nothing about it. My friends in Tennessee, in the Bible Belt of all places, think nothing of it. While I am not out with the parent's of my daughters best friends in Florida, they wouldn't think anything either. So, that is a blessing. I've never had that in vanilla communities. When I was a young woman in Rhode Island and, Ohio, neighbors noticed my work hours and, life style. They thought I must be a stripper or, something like that. It was tough on the kids at times. So, glad those days are over. I get the question in Costa Rica and, I just dodge it. I don't want to be "That lady." They may not care but, why take a chance.

Next time you are going to be in the US, let me know. If I am anywhere close to were you are, I'd love to meet you. I am always looking for a reason to get to LA.

I tell most vanilla folk that I work as a promotional model and also organize nightlife events - which is true! I just keep the details vauge.

Good for you. That is wise. :-)

I usually say I'm a Marketing Communications consultant - it's what I was for some time before I was a ProDomme... this is generally just for new acquaintances when I can't really be bothered having a discussion. I'm pretty open about my work - it just depends on the circumstances.

Welcome to The Buzz

That is wise. And, yes, always depends on the circumstance.

I've never been in a similar situation, so this could be off base.

But there are a lot of people with money and a lot of people who don't like to talk about their finances.

If someone meets a woman who lives well, but doesn't go to work every day, they probably won't think, "I'll bet she has a secret life as a dominatrix." They'll just think she's a woman who has some money, and who doesn't like to talk about it.

If someone asks you what you do, just say vague things like, "My husband and I were lucky enough to be able to live comfortably." If they push, say, "Let's not talk about money." If they insist, say something more direct, like, "I'd rather keep my financial life private."

I mean, you don't owe people, even people you're friendly with, any explanations. There's nothing odd about not talking about where your money comes from. Many people who have nothing unusual going on in their lives don't like to talk about money.

Living well while downplaying what you have and being discreet about where it came from is pretty much standard operating procedure for a lot of wealthy people, especially people with family money.

There's nothing odd at all about it.

Thanks for your response. It is interesting, my experience has been that it is so much different when you are older than, younger. When a young single woman does well for herself, people tend to be much nosier and, suspicious. At least, getting older has some perks. ;-)

If you told me you were a ghost writer I would find that so interesting you would wish you had said prodomme as I would ask you a million questions :-).

I work in IT .....not even my family understand what I do....and would probably be bored to tears if I tried to explain.....

However, might not work for a Domme unless you have good sound insulation. How about saying your are an Anger Management Counsellor.....should cover the screaming and the grown men with tear streaked faces leaving at all hours!

I tend to be pretty open about what I do if it fits the crowd - but there are times when I don't want to share or find it inappropriate. That's when I pull out the term "consultant" - which is technically true. For most inquiries it stops there. I don't think most people really care what you do, they are just trying to make conversation or find common ground. If someone persists beyond that I pull out the most boring thing I know - digital asset management. I have a friend that does this so I know enough of the buzzwords if needed - but really most people's eyes glaze over and we move on.

This is a neat idea, the problem could be that this is an interesting job so it might be followed by what have you written? Maybe proofreader or web design consultant, both somewhat related to the job might be blanket answers.

To my mind the best answers are personalized, and unless you have a real vanilla job should be related to a real hobby, and something you consider doing when retiring. Best combination should be something a little technical to the area, and not particularly interesting to the general public.

Yes...when they are just trying to make conversation...they don't really. Agreed...they are just being polite. But, when new neighbors, the family of someone you are seriously dating...the nosy circle of mom's at your children's school ask...well, they are digging. Some parts of getting older are lousy but, no one really caring so much any more is a perk. I still get that knot and, try to glaze right over it or, ask what they do and, appear fascinated so the topic switches to them.

Yes, those situations are tougher for sure.

I agree that most people probably don’t care these days in 2019. In fact some might think it’s cool to meet someone who’s a pro dominatrix as it not someone you bump into everyday.

A curious person would ask "what field do you consult in?" I'm a consultant of sorts, too, and sometimes I feel like I'd like to beat my clients to a pulp, but usually I just solve their problems or tell them how much it will cost and they go away. . . . But then, I guess that's what all consultants do, even you in your field.

Mistress Ayn,

Should "digital consultant" ever begin to fail, you could claim to be an HR consultant "specializing in motivation and culture enhancement resulting in improved staff efficiency".

I know you can "motivate" individuals to change behavior and perform far beyond their own expectations!

(you could say it with a straight face too!)

The best to shut someone up when they are being too nosey about your job is to say you are an investigator for the IRS.

Not a bad answer at all soapy!

If someone is foolish enough to persist you could scare them further by saying that you are part of a new division that goes after smaller, non-corporate violators.

Good one soapy! When I am in DC and some nosey guy at the bar won't let it go, I deadpan, "I could tell you but then I would have to kill you." Then I wait a heartbeat before winking and returning to My meal or drink. They sputter (probably thinking about being in the heart of the swamp and surrounded by alphabet city) and then drop it. It's hilarious. I might try IRS next time . . .

Being seen as a 'character' rather than a person is certainly an experience I have had when being open about work. This can be either good or bad, depending on who is asking and how much I care about the relationship. I don't love talking about myself in social situations, so I have definitely used the title of Dominatrix to preemptively deflect questions of a more personal nature. Then of course comes, "what's the weirdest/craziest thing that's happened to you," which is definitely my least favorite question. How rude; this could dig up trauma for some!

Yes, announcing that you are a dominatrix will definitely summon the WOW! factor in a social situation. I guess you have to gauge your audience and get a read on their tolerance for the off-kilter.