Paypal, privacy

I've noticed a few dommes now asking for deposits to be paid via Paypal, which I always thought was not recommended for adult transactions. (And this is as opposed to the usual and more anonymous Amazon gift card deposit.) Curious everyone's thoughts on this. I don't think there's any way Paypal is anonymous -- which is probably the point for the dommes using it. My Paypal account is often used for business -- it's mostly things I get reimbursed for, so I'm always submitting my statements.

I know anonymity is almost a fiction these days, and I understand why dommes would want to not indulge it... Still, requiring Paypal seems like something new.

The only way I know to pay anonymously with PayPal is to have the recipient generate a barcode from Her account using the "add cash" option. She then emails the barcode to you and you have one hour to go to a pre-selected retailer (CVS, Walmart, etc) that She has selected. You can go to any location of said retailer, you show the barcode to the cashier, tell them the amount, and pay them in cash. They will scan the barcode and the recipient will get the funds in about 15 minutes. Its anonymous for both sender and recipient as the barcode does not contain any identifying information.

I've been playing around on seeking arrangements for a while, finding occasional femdom arrangements that way. Overall, in the sugaring community, if you MUST do an electronic payment, Cashapp is king as far as safety and anonymity -- it's the app that's most difficult to reverse transactions on (safer for the woman being paid) and the one with the most anonymity (safer for all concerned). I haven't used it myself, but this might be an area the femdom community can learn from the sugaring community. I googled it quickly and it looks like each party can claim a $cashtag that is an anonymous handle, by which money can be exchanged.

In the sugaring community, the reputation as far as safety and anonymity of payment apps, in order, is:

1. CashApp (best)
2. Venmo
3. Paypal (worst)

Swordfish, most experienced Dommes are aware of all these methods. and many of us have used at least one of them at one point (some still do).

The problem is that using them is a risk. All of them are explicitly against adult transactions -- even if they're legal.

Risks for the Domme:
- The processor discovers what She is doing and Her account is closed and Her funds confiscated (multiple people have reported this with PP)
- A nasty person (client, other Domme, rando) reports Her as engaging in "prostitution" or otherwise selling adult services and that may be all it would take to get Her account closed

And with the way things are going with the War on Sex and Bodily Autonomy, another possible risk is both parties being added to a database of "trafficked/traffickers".

Does CashApp work in the EU? Venmo is not a thing here.

I use Paypal through my LLC and can send invoices that can be paid like any other online bill. I only take deposits for sessions over 2 hours by new people because deposits here are not really done and I came up in the industry before people took deposits and I am used to it.

I just need an email to send it, and I think I see the name associated with the email, or perhaps the name on the CC (definitely not the cc or anything else.) If you can't trust me with your real name, which I will forget anyway, how can you trust me to bring you to the physical limits of BDSM?

PayPal is super precarious, sure, but I wish everyone would pay with PayPal. It would make my accounting a dream. It goes right into my business bank account and then I can pay myself my salary and get my income on paper. I am trying to buy property and having income on paper is a major hurtle for me.

I use Amazon gift cards. They are seamless and pose no id issues.

No disagreement! That's why I explicitly said "if you MUST do an electronic payment" -- I should have added "using an app". Just pointing out that if a mistress is going to use an app, paypal may be the least safe. Point well re-iterated that maybe app-based transactions aren't a great idea in the first place

Unfortunately I don't know...

You may use them but the Domme may not.

I personally don't use gift cards for payment for my work. I can't pay my mortgage with an Amazon gift card.

PP seems the least safe in that they're the only one I've heard has actually confiscated people's money. That's the same as theft.

There are other ways to pay: Erotifix is one of them. (And they accept international cards.) You can't explicitly say it's for RT, but at least they are adult friendly.

Thanks so much for your reply. I actually tried to set up CashApp but somehow my bank wouldn't connect. Am working on it, though.

Thanks for replying to this thread.



I mean, you're totally right. Culturally, I just come from the house scene of the '80s and '90s and am used to having a kind of alter ego. I'm not famous, but I am Google-able. And my worry isn't really with dommes but with assistants, or even houses. Or, perhaps, retired dommes. I've personally been told by friends who are friends with ex dommes their famous clients (these friends didn't know that I'm in the scene). That freaked me out. But, these days, I should probably get over it as I realize times are changing.

Answering my own question, I think one might be able to set up a Paypal business account with a separate email and the card won't show. I'm going to give it a try and send to myself and see what happens.

Hello M. Tissa,

I had not heard of Erotifix before but after reading your post I went to their website. It looks like a very interesting site that you can market just about anything adult from panties to session deposits. Have you used them before and if so what was your experience? Do they just take the $5 fee per transaction or do they take a percentage like iwant clips and other sites do (usually 10-30%) for tributes?

Thanks in advance for any info.

I don't know if anyone has mentioned it here but giftrocket.com is also a discreet option. It goes on your credit card instead of being deducted from your bank account so you don't have to give them any information other than your card info and the recipient doesn't see that. They see only the name you set your account up with, which can be an alias.

I have only had one kicked back and that was because the giver put "session deposit" in the notes. They want you to at least pretend that it is a gift.

I agree that Paypal is the worst. They disclose private info on both sides of the transaction. Venmo is better but it is run by paypal and if you aren't paying attention to your settings you payments can be broadcasted to the Venmo community - which seems insane to Me.

Sure I have famous and powerful clients, I just don't care. Use a slave name, I use a domme name, it's all part of the game. Show up on time, be polite and communicative, go back to your life a little better. That is all I care about.

But, yeah. I know WAY too much about some famous people via bragging dommes. I wish I didn't in that actually makes me feel dirty.

It is really the answer, just too volatile to keep for very long. If buying and selling was a little smoother it would work well, avoid the volatility by selling it immediately.

I keep 200€, erm 300€, oops 150€ for entertainment purposes.

I don't think you're supposed to openly say you're taking money for real-time sessions. In its previous incarnation, PervOutPay, you could, but that changed, and I assumed it was because of the legal liability. It was likely for the same reason that they created a limit of how much you could be paid at once. It used to be umlimited, then it was changed to $200. Since then, Erotifix has increased the amount to $500, with two $500 transactions per customer per day.




I don't use it for most transactions, but I do have an account. I use it for international clients, primarily.

I have had no problems with it. I'm surprised more people aren't using it.




All the info you probably would like to know is in their FAQ.