"Do you love him/her?" is one of the most complicated philosophical questions anyone can ask but is also the single simplest questions in the world to answer truthfully if we are speaking of romantic love. It is a simple yes or no and if the answer is not readily apparent as a yes, then it simply is no.

If you have to hesitate or think about it, the answer is no, because no one who is actually in love with someone else needs to hesitate. Where everything gets insanely complicated is that although the "yes" answer is pretty black and white, thus extremely simple, the "no" answer is the single most complicated, subtle and grey answer imaginable. "Yes" is a state of being but "no" just means you aren't in that state at that particular moment. The real problem is that people are so emotional about the question that anything other than "yes" is taken in a manner like that is also a permanent thing.

At the beginning of every good romantic relationship, you go through a period of lust and infatuation where all of your thoughts are of that other person. At that moment, they are the single most important and enjoyable thing in your life and you wish to spend every moment you can with them. But, this is not sustainable and is certainly not love.

Love is that feeling that you are willing to put another's needs above your own AFTER that initial lust and infatuation have naturally faded into the reality of two different physical entities, with different thought patterns and needs, being coupled together. It is not just being there in a crisis, but seeing something and immediately wanting to share it with that other person.

It is knowing that person to the extent that you not only know what will make them happy but the joy you get from making them happy actually outweighs the decision to give up your own momentary happiness for theirs. It is an extremely natural reaction to your children or a pet but not so much with two unrelated people.

With that as the definition, you can easily see how "no" can mean "not yet" since that kind of feeling and commitment develops over time between romantic partners, unlike the initial infatuation and excitement that some people (usually ones with multiple divorces) mistake for love.

"No" can also mean "not anymore" since people and circumstances are constantly changing and those changes can be so enormous that you can move back out of being in a love state with that current version of the other person.

"No" can also mean that you just enjoy that other person as a compliment to you and your life, but that your own enjoyment of things is more important to you than theirs. Meaning, you are willing to do for them when it is convenient and enjoyable for you but when it isn't then you don't (which is why some people are too self-centered to be capable of love).

The problem with any version of answering "no" to this question is that it is incredibly painful if the other person is in that "yes" state. Even worse is if the question isn't asked by the other person, but rather by a "friend" since no one outside of a relationship is able to understand the reality of it or the subtlety of any answer other than yes.

You don't have to be in love with someone to care about them. Both people don't have to be in love with each other to make a relationship work. But, if you are in a romantic relationship with someone it is viewed by outsiders as unworthy, or even a failure, if both people can't answer "Yes" to that question. Which basically forces others to try to chip away at the foundation for "your own good".

That means a perfectly good relationship that is enjoyable and mutually beneficial to both parties can end over the answer to the question "Do you love him/her?" Which may make this simple question the most dangerous one in the world.

I agree that the answer to this question is subjective. The nature of the love and, degree of it vary too. Many of my somewhat casual friends and, I say love you or, sign our emails love. We do "Love" each other in a since that we enjoy hanging out, doing health retreats together, watching each other's dogs, ect. But does that mean we want to build a life together? Uhm...of course, not. The term gets thrown around a lot.

As it applies to femdom, I'd like to think that most of my clients loved me. Some of them, I stay in touch with...even after 10 years of retirement. But, it doesn't mean that anyone was leaving their spouse or, moving to another city. It does always mean "Eros" love.

My late husband and, I met because of our involvement in the scene. For years he was part of the "ClubDom" family. We were close personal and, scene friends for years. We loved each other but, pretty much as I described above. When we crossed the line to falling in love, we knew the difference. If that makes any sense.

Does this address the topic well? As I said, it is a subjective one.