So, about a month ago I went back North for the first time since the pandemic and saw my longtime MIstress, the first time we sessioned in since the fall of 2019. I tried, and thought I succeeded, in controlling my emotions for this session. But in a passive/aggressive way I know now that the professional relationship I had with this Domina, this woman I’ve known off and on for 25 years is now over. Let me explain.

We have known each other for years, with the exceptions of her leaving the city, her taking a break from the scene, or me doing the same. She was discrete and so was I, but we shared our troubles and woes over the years, with me helping her on various projects - especially in the past few years - using my expertise. I reached out to her for one last session (or group of sessions) around 2015. We met, sessioned in her apartment extensively, until around three years ago when I moved out-of-state. The sessions, some of which took place partially in public spaces, were hotter and more intimate than ever before. She led, I followed 90% of the time. The other 10% I took the initiative. While she slapped me around a couple of times, it was playful and she didn’t complain.

We kept in touch via e-mail, phone and plenty of paid text and phone sessions. She told me on more than one occasion that she would even date “someone like me” but couldn’t / wouldn’t since I was a sub. I understood and, thought to myself, I was relieved. I sent cash in the past couple of years when her new vanilla career wasn’t going well or due to Covid, without an expectation of return. And I’d do it again. Out of respect for a Domina, and usually a good person, who did so much for me.

So we set up our session for last month. I told her I was coming back to town to live in a few months. I picked a nice hotel I stayed at before and rented a car to pick her up at around dawn on a weekend. (We have done dawn sessions plenty of times.) She did not want me to session at her apartment since a neighbor, who since moved, raised suspicions about her visitors a couple of years ago. I parked around the block as she instructed. I waited outside the car to open the door and greet her. First mistake. I heard long speech that I should have stayed in the car and that her neighbors might see me. We got to the hotel room and wordlessly prepared and got into our personas. I began to worship her as she instructed and as we have done in the past. She began to mention activities we wouldn’t be performing that day. (We are both vaccinated.) Finally she said, ,”You know, I think you’d like one of those women who do hugging sessions.” ?!?!? Was my silent response to myself. We got up, she had somewhere to go and so did I. We walked to the car I rented, at a good expense, and she said, “You know, I could have gotten an Uber.” As I drove her back to her neighborhood market, I pulled over and she began giving me details on her vanilla business. I half listened, waiting for her to say goodbye and leave. She finally did.

Usually after an in person session there would be an exchange of texts or a phone call or two. I didn’t do a thing. About three or four days later I got a text in the middle of the night which began (from the Mistress) like a paid text. I responded. After about five minutes she said she had to go back to sleep - as if I texted her - and I said the same. Since there I have received no communication from the Mistress. I have tried four or five times to text her, with no response.

Maybe she thought I was getting too close, emotionally and geographically. I don’t know. I would think if I were getting dumped, for whatever reason, someone who I have served and known for 25 years would be honest and give me a proper “I’m moving on,” etc. Or maybe I’m missing something. Whatever it is, I’m in a good place about this. For me, it’s over. Any thoughts or insights into this would be welcome.

Maybe she is strongly considering terminating it but is not 100% sure so is leaving herself an option to reconsider.

It is too bad that you had such an odd disconnect with at Mistress that you've known for so long. Have you thought about talking to her about it? Maybe she is just going through an odd time in her life and it wasn't meant to be directed toward you.

JB,

This sucks and I am sorry to hear you are dealing with this. Personally, I hope this is just a blip rather than the end of such a long and seemingly wonderful relationship.

I actually went through something very similar a few years ago where a long-time Mistress (although not in comparison to yours) really treated me like crap on a weekend visit. Totally broke me emotionally in ways I can't explain. When I finally left her, I thought we were done forever and in some ways I was thankful (as you seem to be now).

However, the reality is that we are still going strong and our relationship has since deepened in ways that I never thought possible with her... Even when things were at their best. I'm not going to tell you some bs about how going through that helped, because it absolutely didn't and no good came from that weekend.

What really happened is that it was just a rough spot in our relationship and who knows how much of that was forces in her life that had nothing to do with me (I know at some point she had a major falling out with one of her personals so its possible that at that moment she was trying to protect herself by treating with me that way.. but that is unconfirmed speculation on my part). The key to our success was that I didn't overreact by throwing it overboard and things were different the next time she called on me to serve.

Smart people, as well as myself, will tell you that you should try to have a real conversation about how what she did made you feel. But, that is really advice for an equal relationship between two people rather than the types we tend to have as client subs. To be clear, I don't mean that in the D/s sense but more about how important a client sub, even a special one, tends to be to a Pro Domme's life from their point of view. This specifically translates into how much criticism of their treatment of you they are willing to take (as opposed to the conversation they might have with someone who is neither their client or sub).

You are the only one who truly knows if she would react negatively to you trying to have that discussion. I would also say that I would be hypocritical with that advice because I certainly didn't do that (I didn't think it would be well received & if I had tried to have that conversation I actually believe that would have ended it right there). Instead, I ignored it and gave it time... Then things got much much better in an organic way.

I hope you actually experience the same kind of renaissance in your relationship. Your willingness to let it end is probably a good way to let her sort out whatever is happening with her... my real advice is just don't reject her if/when she makes overtures for another meeting or let this experience taint the next one. This changes if she acts the same way next time and if she does then I would try to have that conversation right in that moment rather than days or weeks later.

Good luck and I feel for you right now...

Asp

One of several wise perspectives on the situation. Have you thought of running for Congress? They could use your insight.

See Asp for Congress for my reply to this wonderful suggestion.

Hello junglebeast. Is this the same Mistress that has acted "oddly" before? I remember at least one other post that had a similar tone.

Junglebeast,

I am sorry to hear that you are going through this.

i have a long term relationship with a domina that sounds similar to yours although nowhere near 25 years in length. We see each other about 8 times a year for trips that range from a week to a weekend. Much of our interactions our vanilla, i provide financial support, i help with her sex work career as well as her vanilla career.

I too have experienced some of the ghosting and resentments from my domina that you and Aspx have expressed almost seemingly out of the blue. Like you say the emotional pain can be tough to deal with and several times i thought the relationship would end. Ive also had feelings like yours were i was happy it may end. It hasn't and im happy for that.

I have learned from therapy over time that this type of resentment is a human reaction and not abnormal. It doesnt make it right but it does help me understand and deal with it

A few things have helped me over the years:

1.) i see a licensed sex therapist. She is sex worried and kink friendly. It is a lifesaver.
2.) i am never aggressive. But i am assertive in my needs. I am always respectful. But i think that catches her off guard sometimes as many men show up for a 2 hour once in a lifetime session and not an ongoing relationship. Ours takes constant negotiation. A session often takes 15 minutes.
3.) i do try to remember what she is going through. These relationships are difficult and complicated and there is very little guidance for how either party should navigate. All of us have our own personal, mental and physical health issues. None of us are perfect and i try to keep that in mind.

When these situations have arisen for me i have tended to over communicate and express the importance of having her in my life. I am glad for that approach but i am also aware that these relationships take 2 people and i would only let ghosting go for so long.

I hope this helps.

You forgot to mention the creation of a secret handshake for those in the know.

Mistress, you have a great memory. It was last March into April at the first major wave of Covid. This was much more abrupt since it was in person. But at the end she spoke about her vanilla biz in a friendly way. Emotionally I’m fine, just surprised. I won’t contact her. If I don’t hear from her in a month or two l’ll know it’s over.