I wrote yesterday that I am retiring from live sessions. I'm doing that due to, well, age and vanity. Guilt about monetary cost is a factor too.
For me, is this practice a "curse"? No, not really. Guilt? Of course. About what? That shall remain private.
But I have met and gotten to have known many imaginative, intelligent, funny, devious, seductive and gorgeous women I never would have met if I were vanilla. I have had sensual and sexual experiences (yes, sexual) with these women that were joyous and provided me at least with great pleasure. I hope I provided the same, along with my tributes.
I learned more about myself and understand others a lot more due to my purchase of Screw magazine in the early '70s and answering an ad to see Mistress Belle de Jour.
I could have saved more money, maybe accomplished a little more in my life if it wasn't for my "hobby" but that is in the past now. I hope I gave as much as I got... And a little more.