Hello sub john,

Some Dommes are "reference friendly" and others aren't. It could be as DommeLynx described, that they don't want their clients to go elsewhere (which I agree is ridiculous) or they are just lazy. After Fosta passed I saw a number of Dommes announce that they wouldn't be vouching for clients because they didn't want to be accused of trafficking. WTF? I saw this as an excuse not to participate in a necessary procedure that helps keep us all safe.

I am a reference friendly Domme and try to be prompt in returning inquiries from other Dommes because I know a delay will hold up the booking process. As many have stated it does speed up the process if you reach out to the Mistress you plan to use as a reference ahead of time. When someone asks me to provide a reference I usually have to look the person up and go through past correspondence in order to give an intelligent reply. So if a sub reaches out, I can go ahead and do that leg work and be able to reply immediately when I get an inquiry. Also, let the other Domme know how you are known to the Domme providing the reference. Some Dommes text, some email, etc. If a Mistress asks be to give a reference to sub john with ## phone number, I will have no idea who that is. Personally, I need an email address and if you are one of those guys that changes your email from time to time, provide the old email.

I think on the sub end, guys don't understand that this can be a bit time consuming for the Domme giving the reference if she can't immediately recall you. I always look up old correspondence and check my blacklist to make sure I have it right. I've had guys list me as a reference and after digging found out they were a no show. One guy used me the other day and we had tons of emails going back and forth but he never followed through with a booking. Se we literally have to do some research on some inquiries before giving a reply. Be aware of that.

Also, if you use a Domme regularly as a reference and you don't see her on a pretty regular basis, a tribute or a gift will go along way in her continuing to answer those emails.

Etiquette for Dommes: If you consistently ask a particular provider to vet clients - do something nice for them. When I travel I am regularly asking the go to Dommes in that city to vet. When that happens I send them a gift off their wish list. Also, a nice "thank you" when a Domme does the research to vet someone is common courtesy. About a year ago I spent at least 20 minutes trying to track down a guy that was using me as a reference with a Domme in California. I finally figured out who he was and suggested the Domme get a big deposit because the guy had a history of flaking and using multiple email address. She never bothered to acknowledge that I had even replied. Bad manners!