I don't see this as much in bdsm, but it's standard operating procedure in FBSM. For that, my process is:

1. Ask my reference, in advance, if she would be willing to serve as a reference (they always say "yes"). If I know I'm going to be scheduling on a short timeframe, I'll let her know that too "I know you're super busy and understand if you can't do it in time, but I'm hoping to book for Saturday, so anything you can do would be appreciated."

2. Set up time & date with new FBSM girl

3. Re-contact my reference to let her know exactly who will be contacting her. "I'm looking to book an appointment with CarrieCMT CarrieHothands@Pretendmail.com, so you can expect an inquiry from her, thanks!"


I want my reference to 1. approve being a reference, 2. know exactly who will be contacting her.

Sometimes, things happen too quickly and step 2 is actually what happens first -- I end up having an email exchange and booking a time with the new provider first. In which case, I combine steps 1 & 3, but still always seek her approval, and let her know who will be contacting her, in most cases before I give her deets to the new provider

Everything usually goes very smoothly