And this is typical and where the Domme has to use her best judgment about what to introduce into a scene.



"stories" and "clips" may be fictional. I can write erotica where I talk about violating all sorts of boundaries, and some people will find it hot (including me) but that doesn't mean I'd actually do that with a client.



Yes, absolutely. This is fine and normal. I recently had a client I've seen for over three years change a hard limit. He suddenly wanted to experience something with me. It was negotiated prior to the session, however. It was not something I even asked him to do. Because it had been an established hard limit and when someone says NO, that's to be respected.



It depends on how we define "limit" and what kind of limit it is.

Again, hard limits? Never push on them. Ever. I don't even ask if I can do a hard limit. And if I have questions about one, I ask if I the client is okay discussing it first.

But if by "limit" you are talking about what I call a threshold, that is different. For example, pain is something that people commonly have limits about. Some say they are okay with light or moderate pain but don't want it to be "heavy" or "intense". My job is to find the threshold where moderate turns into heavy. And pushing to discover that threshold is something I may do. In that process, the client may discover their "limit" changes insomuch that their own perception of their subjective experience of "moderate" or "heavy" has been altered.



This is where I seem to differ regarding hard and soft limits. I regularly have players imply that a soft *limit* is something they are willing to be pushed into or even something they don't like but are willing to do for the Domme. To me, that is not a *limit*. A limit is clear boundary. So, I define soft limits as things a person is willing to do but have conditions, which, to me, is a more logical approach to understanding what something is or isn't okay with in a scene.

A client telling me "I have a soft limit around estim in that I don't really like but will do it". Where's the limit there? What this client has just told me is they have a preference. The preference is that they don't really like estim. If the person is willing to do it without conditions, then it's not a limit. And when I'm thinking about what I want to do with someone, I simply want to know what is or is not on the table, which is the point of establishing limits.



Sure, it can be a lot of fun to have a sub expand their horizons with you. And I just love when I do something that was not specifically negotiated but was not an established limit and the sub says, "I just loved that, Mistress!" But, again, if a sub establishes something as a *limit* then I respect that. I mean, coercing people to violate their boundaries is gross and rapey.



That makes complete sense to me. As people develop trust with someone, they are more likely to be more comfortable trying things.



It's hard to respond to this fairly without knowing specifics.

When people are under the influence of sub- or Domspace, it affects judgment, like alcohol or a drug. And I think as Dominants we need to be mindful of this and lookout for ourselves and our subs so they don't do something that will harm them and they will later regret.

If someone had established a limit before a scene that marks couldn't last longer than a day but during the scene rapturously cried out, "Mark me, Mistress! Mark my ass with your whip! I want to bleed for you!" I would not do it because I would know it's not their forebrain in control but their limbic system and I would likely create only the fantasy of this happening.

I know that some people really like the feeling of being pushed or "coerced" in a scene. But it's important to make the distinction between fantasy coercion and actual boundary violations. The former is hot the latter is not.