I grappled with it for a while. But in time had come to recognize my alpha stuff as purely contextual. Submissive at the core, but with some organizational talents that look to the untrained eye like alpha-ness. And which earn a better income. "Will alpha for food" etc....

But the more control I was expected to exert in one place, the more I wanted it roughly, even violently taken away in another.

Where some might want to end a long project with a lot of high fives and a massive bar tab in a downtown restaurant, I wanted to be kidnapped, feminized and left in a cell in shackles. And I could see how the faux alpha-ness needed the counterweight of the truth of future pet's submissive soul being taken in hand by an knowing, caring nonconsensualist.

I would also argue, as someone who sees it every effing day, that a lot of "take charge" stuff is pure narcissism. Selfish, unreasonable and immature is neither dominant nor submissive. To suppose that it is is to demonstrate a lack of understanding of both dominance and submission. Plus, no one will kidnap you. Which would suck in my case.

Mistress Ayn
I suspect most men consider themselves to be take charge kind of guys. When contacting you a "prospective sub" probably has no idea what he is or what he is really looking for......
For me, I don't feel like Im a sub. I like to act like one for two hours a month.....but once my bell is rung, I go back to being that same "take charge" guy that I like to think of myself as............until next month's two hour appointment.

Call me crazy, but Im not ashamed that I really enjoy the excitement of being ordered around by a hot dominatrix or two for a couple of hours a month. I may feel a little guilty about it though.
Weak? No way. I dont feel guys who enjoy this are weak....Every guy I know would love to trade places with me for a two hour break from reality every once in a while. Most of us just don't want to admit it I think.

Your Shakesperian line in your subject reminds me that you probably are also familiar with Maslow and his hierarchy of need. Which explains how some of us guys are very ego driven and we need to explain how unique we are.....so you can treat us different than the usual suspects........maybe even let us see behind the curtain.

Perhaps these conversations blather on because they argue as you explain that are not so unique.....instead, maybe you tell them Wow, I've never heard of such a unique person, and that perhaps you could figure out a way to work with their special unique needs.
Letem eat cake.
Best Regards....... and hope to see you again some day
The Driver

Thanks to all of you for your input.

I do want to clarify that I am not referring to any specific individual but rather a type of individual that sends this kind of email. They tend to be new and have little or no experience communicating (let alone sessioning) with a pro Domme. My guess is they don't want anyone to see them as weak and they haven't done any research to find out they are exactly the kind of guy that does hire a Domme.

Now days with so much kink revolving around gender, cross dressing and sissification are more common as fantasies and I think some guys are having a difficult time dealing with it and how it reflects on their masculinity. That is possibly why this type of email seems to be on the rise.

What I personally dislike about it, is their assumption that any male who chooses to see a Domme must by nature be weak and they don't want to be confused with "one of those".

Your responses are always so well put, future pet. I am not a big fan of limiting labels but a client once explained his own situation as this: He feels that he is a high functioning beta with a job that demands alpha behavior in order to succeed. He pushes himself to do what is not necessarily comfortable or natural and then he needs a break. That's when he books a session.

For me the answer would be "no" but I can see how some may feel that way. There is a certain satisfaction when you "win" in a session but in general I don't like the fight. As an example I remember a session with a self identifying top that just wouldn't shut up. He was like a heckler that kept breaking my rhythm and head space. Gagging him just seemed like a weak thing to do so I made him hold a piece of equipment in his mouth with a very specific and unpleasant punishment if he dropped it. I felt the moment that I "won" and it completely turned the session around but overall I resented having to fight for it. We both know why he is there. Fighting seems counterproductive but some guys want to make you take it as opposed to simply submitting.

Then there was the guy that I made suck my cock because of how he treated dancers, but that's another story . . . It will be in my memories if I ever write one.

High functioning beta. Epic. My year is made and we're still in Feb.

Mistress Ayn tends to do that to us

I think those kinds of people are trying to reconcile their desires with who they believe themselves to be. Generally, I'm not bothered by this because I feel compassion for people who are just trying to understand and explore their identity.



This kind of bratty behavior is uninteresting to me. If I get that attitude when someone requests a session, I usually ignore them.



It depends on my assessment of where the person is at.

If the cognitive dissonance is expressed as condescending or hostile behavior toward me, then I pass.

If the person seems angry but more at the desires than directed at me, then I offer counsel to them. I explain that people can explore submission but still be a dominant person. I usually refer them to an article I wrote in which I discuss this. They usually feel better after that because they feel understood.

Great replies, M. Tissa. Thanks!