87pegged, may I suggest that you negotiate this before you commit to the session?

Let the Domme know what you have to do in order to just get to the session. It may help her plan or make decisions differently.

Also, ask her if a refund on a deposit is an option if she needs to cancel ahead of time. The Domme may be able to accommodate your request.

I think most pros will work with you. Just be polite about it, is all.

This is true. I think clients need to communicate this kind of thing to us, just like we communicate to them what we need to do to prepare for them. Otherwise, I don't assume clients are going through any tedious process to prepare. Most probably don't. But if I do know, it will help me understand the client's personal circumstances better.



That's amazing that in (how many?) years of being a pro that you've only had to cancel 5 times or less.

I think it helpful for some clients to know that when a Domme has to cancel it might not be her being unprofessional but that she has a health condition or some other emergency has happened. I don't cancel often, but I have had to because of an emergency. Like you, Mistress Ayn, I offer extra time on the session as my apology.[/quote]

This is a very good point. For the most part I assume the excitement starts the moment the session is booked but I don't think of prep starting until a day or two prior - maybe waxing, mani/pedi, enema, etc. When pegged said he prepared over a two week period it was a bit of a shock. I can see how he finds cancellations devastating. If someone communicated that to me I would definitely do everything within my power to make sure he had his session and I am sure you would too - or most any other Domme - if it was properly communicated.

On the other hand if a Domme has issues like a chronic illness, is caring for a family member or has any other issue that causes her schedule to be erratic, I think she has a duty to tell her clients. She doesn't have to go into details but if clients have a high probability of having to reschedule, they need to know. Some Dommes are part of the industry because they can set their own schedule and work around health and family issues. If it's done professionally, great. If they come across as flakes that is bad for all of us. And this nonsense of "I'm a Domme. I will do whatever the hell I want." is just BS. Do that in the lifestyle but don't call yourself a pro. I don't know if you agree with me on that one, but I had a mini-rant going there. Sorry ;-)



Agreed. Not every cancelation is due to flakiness or because we have something we would rather do. In the rare event I have had to cancel it was because I was sick and thought I was contagious and once due to a death in the family. I shared this with the client. If a client is just told we have to cancel and we don't give a reason, their imagination might fill in the blanks in an unfavorable way.

Early in my career I missed an appointment with a newbie due to a communication error. He thought I had flaked on him. I thought he had flaked on me. When we discussed it he told me all of the emotional upheaval he went through from getting the courage to set the appointment to begin with to thinking I had decided not to see him. I felt so bad for him and have always had that in the back of my mind.

Up until a year ago I suffered from terrible migraines. It would be easy just to cancel, but I would pop a Relpax and go do the session. As a side note, oddly enough often the session would cure the migraine. Just thought I would share that.

Thanks Ayn. When I go a long time between sessions (currently a year) I need to spend a few weeks getting ready. From increasing dildo sizes to practicing breathing techniques, it takes time to mentally and physically prepare. For me there is a big letdown when it gets canceled.

Lately I have been leaning driving + 2 hours to session to avoid all these recent disappointments. At least my session requests will be simpler than writing a session autobiography to someone new. Plus I find when a new Domme reads my negative experiences she gets the impression I will be difficult to please.

there is huge emotional investment in even contacting a domme for me. i am not very experienced (6 or 7 sessions. most with one particular domme) and it is really hard for me to get up the courage to even contact a domme for the first time. i feel crushed when the domme doesn't respond. or even worse they respond and give ambiguous answers. such as saying i'm interested in seeing you but never confirming the date. or waiting a month to respond. i want to send a deposit. i want to treat you the same as any professional, but if i'm being rejected, just reject me! don't leave me hanging saying your going to check your calendar then i never hear from you. do i follow up? maybe they forgot? how soon do i send a follow up email? how may times do i send an email? once? twice? i request appointments weeks or months out. how long do i wait before looking elsewhere? if someone waits to respond for weeks or months, am is still obligated to honor that request?

speaking for myself, there is a huge emotional and time investment before i even reach out. two of the last four dommes that i've contacted have done that to me and it has crushed me to the point that i'm afraid to even ask someone for a session right now. maybe there are well adjusted subs out there, but i'm not one of them.

i think that is why i appreciated the dommes who responded professionally. they replied quickly and clearly. i always knew were i stood and i deeply appreciate them and their professionalism. the flip side where the other two left me hanging was much harder to deal with. most of the session that i've had were with a domme who has jerked me around for the last year. even though our relationship is professional, i am emotionally invested the same way that people are emotionally invested with my doctors or therapists. if you have a life event that takes you out of service, i understand. you don't have to tell me all the details but, if you want to be professional, you have to communicate and offer something. your not taking new clients, you have a serious illness and you won't be able to see me but you are sending your clients to this colleague etc. that is what i would expect from a professional.

I see this s your first post and reading that I feel bad for you because you seem very sincere and I don’t think it should be that difficult to find a Domme and book a session. I’d like to offer some advice but I have a lot of questions and I’m not sure where to start so I’ll just make a few comments.

The thing that jumps out at me is It’s possible you are having problems because you are trying to book so far in advance. I don’t know exactly how your correspondence goes and your location or circumstance but that may be part of the problem. I’m sure there are a lot of very reputable Dommes out there who would be happy to see you. For example you replied to Mistress Ayn so I would suggest contacting her if you are near Atlanta ( which I’m guessing you are not). If you don’t mind sharing your general location I’m sure people here could make some specific recommendations.

You are relatively new to sessioning and I can understand if you are reluctant to send a deposit so far in advance so maybe wait until a few weeks out and send a request with a specific date to an experienced Domme with a good reputation and be willing to pay a deposit if asked. I’ve been doing sessions for a long time and have rarely had the Domme cancel on me.

Although i'm seeing my mistress for some years in a row, setting up a date is still a PITA... But i think this is just a game, showing me how desperate i am seeing her as she kind of ignores my request for some time and i have to ask again at least twice...

I have the impression new customers tend to be ignored, if the requested session is too far away in the future. When a connection is established, things go smooth. For example i saw a mistress once - and one year later i had suddenly the opportunity to visit her again as i saw her in the agenda. I mailed her in the morning by using an email reply of her from an one year old thanky-you mail to her. So she knew i was real - and she drove > 200 miles to the dungeon in order to torture me in the evening, as i learned in following messages this day.

If i don't get a reply, i write a follow up after 2-3 days. As i respect her weekends or hollidays, i avoid writing messages on saturdays, sundays or times i know she has some days off. E.g. i ask on thursday, follow up on tuseday ... and give a (last) try on friday. Than, i'll check other options

I've been doing this long enough to know times have changed and that deposits are now necessary for Mistresses due to the many flakes out there. Personally, unless the Mistress is well-known or I have seen her before, those are the only cases I would give a deposit.

But I have also gone all in on deposits. It was with two Mistresses I knew very, very well for several years. One who was located across the country and the other was local. In both cases I was given their business checking account number to make deposits. I was instructed to immediately text to inform the Mistress the deposit was made. It was convenient for the Mistress as well as a training tool... and it became a kinky turn-on for me to make a deposit in the middle of a workday and get a seductive text in return.

Hello broom,

Unfortunately this is an industry that has a low bar of entry. There are no education requirements, no certification and usually no boss to make sure you punch the clock or maintain a standard. That is part of the appeal to many Dommes. For the sub that means you have to do more homework and bear a greater burden of selection, communication, etc.

That doesn't mean that a lack of professionalism should be tolerated. Unless you are an emotional masochist, move on and find someone that respects your time and your feelings. If a Domme is routinely ignoring emails, not returning calls, cancels repeatedly, then she is not treating you or her craft professionally. If you were treated that way by your doctor, lawyer or personal trainer, would you tolerate it? If you weren't paying for the session and we were talking about lifestyle play, that is a different animal, but once it becomes transactional a certain level of professionalism and courtesy should be expected.



I would say that is a bad sign if you are emailing. She should have her calendar in front of her. Advice - move on.



To answer your specific questions, I can only answer for myself but I would guess most serious pros would give similar answers. If you haven't gotten a reply from an email within 48 hours, write again and follow that up with an alternate communication - phone, text, social media, etc. There have been a few rare circumstances where a specific person's email didn't go through. (eg - There was a time if you had a verizon.net email account, your emails didn't reach me.) If you don't get a reply from all of that - move on. Don't take it personally - just assume she is not behaving professionally and that you probably missed a bullet.

I don't mind setting appointments weeks or even a couple of months out - but I also know my schedule pretty far out. That is not the case with Dommes that travel a good bit or do this part time. My suggestion would be to reach out 3-6 weeks prior to your visit and be willing to go ahead and put up a deposit. Again, if you don't hear back move on. If she emails you back days or weeks later - either ignore it like she did you - or politely tell her you have already booked with another Mistress. That is up to you, but you have no obligation to book.

Please note that different Dommes have different modes of communication that they prefer. I prefer email, do not text, do not answer my phone unless I know you and do return voicemails - promptly. (All of this is outlined on my website.) For me, promptly means the same day. I usually check and answer emails multiple times a day. The only exceptions are if I am in an extended event or it's the weekend. When I go on vacation, I set up an auto responder.

I hope this helps, and like buffalo said, it's pretty easy to spot the Ladies that are truly professional and at the top of their game. Choose one of them and you will less likely be disappointed.

thank you to all of the people posting above. i appreciate your willingness to share your experience.

fwiw, i am in the atlanta area. i reckon my first post sounds pretty negative and overlooks the positive experience i had with two dommes. i did get to session with a great domme who treated me exactly as you describe a professional. i also attempted to book with another domme who treated me in a very professional manner, although i wasn't able to book with her, i have nothing but praise for her professionalism as well. i was pretty negative because of a few dommes giving me a run around. i'll try to balance things out with a positive review of my session.