While we are on the touchy subject of money, I would like to address deposits. I used to hardly ever ask for a deposit. That's because I hardly ever had anyone cancel. Then things changed. I am not sure exactly when it happened and it didn't happen overnight but I do think things are different from just a year or two ago. I really hate to ask for a deposit from a client that has never given Me an issue before, but if the trend keeps up I am going to have to.

As an example today a sub I had seen two other times in person and had numerous phone sessions canceled his two hour session for tomorrow - with no attempt to give me a reason, let alone offer to pay the cancellation fee. It's like there is no respect for our time anymore, even from the clients that profess to love us. Subs used to be ashamed to cancel. If they were sick, they apologised and asked when they could reschedule. Now they act like they can burn the bridge because there is another Domme as good as you right around the corner. Do subs really think that?

I spoke with a Domme from another town yesterday and she said that she makes EVERYONE put up at least a $100 deposit - no matter how many times she has seen them - every time. This is not a newbie Domme that doesn't book many sessions. I would guess she is just as active as I am and I have heard this before from other Dommes.

So to the ProDommes out there, are you seeing this same trend?

To the clients of ProDommes, how do you feel about being made to pay a deposit - even if you have been good?

To everyone, what do you think has changed?

I don’t think only subs behaviour has changed. I think dommes have changed too. There are now many new ways to sell, make money. Competition has increased. Maybe the special bonds are not there anymore. It’s more transactional now.

As far as deposits go, I don’t like to pay for future sessions. In fact unless rates have changed, I prefer not to discuss money. I simply pay . And if I cancel, I send some kind of gift certificate. But all this for only those who I really admire.

If you example sub did not explain or compensate, then he does not think you are special enough. And that’s bcus he mite be thinking he is not special enough to you despite seeing you multiple times.

Who would ruin a special connection over an apology and a tiny gift certificate.

Hello midlet,

Your points are valid ones. I agree that the entire industry has changed. I am not sure which came first the chicken or the egg, but I suspect Domme behavior (or at least the appearance of Domme behavior) has had a great deal of influence on subs behaviors. Platforms like Twitter, Instagram and even Fetlife not only show a more transactional side of the FemDom industry but they give the impression that Dommes are a dime a dozen. In reality, highly skilled Dommes that you can truly trust your mind and body to, do not grow on trees. Most of the profiles on those platforms are of online Dommes, FinDommes, cam girls, etc. but they give the impression that if I piss off Domme A, I can just go to Domme b,c,d or e. Many subs learn the fallacy of this the hard way when they behave like the sub I brought up yesterday. Often they come back months later wanting to be "let back in". Truth is, some subs wouldn't know what a real connection was if it bit them on the behind and I am not even sure that's what they are looking for. It's commendable that you have found Dommes that you admire, have connected with and value their time.

First off all, the sub who cancelled on you with virtually no notice, no reason and no offer to somehow make it up to you is just an ass.

His actions, and those like him, force Dommes to implement business strategies, like deposits, references etc to protect themselves from inconsiderate and insincere subs. I certainly can't fault a Domme for protecting their financial interests from timewasters and bullshit artist.

Because I understand the rationale for deposit requests, I don't have a problem paying one. Having said that, in all my years of seeing ProDommes I have only been asked for a deposit on one occasion. Perhaps it's because I tend to play with highly experienced and well known Dommes who fortunately are satisfied with the references I can provide.

Also, it is so easy to schedule a session. A few emails is all it takes. There is no real connection and both Domme and sub are really completely anonymous to each other. If there is blowback from being a no show it's simply a matter of creating a new name and email address to get right back into the game.


Deposits are just an inevitable evolution of the business, perhaps an unintended consequence of the internet age.

Sorry, dude, but seeing a professional mistress is transactional. Period. And by saying "And if I cancel, I send some kind of gift certificate. But all this for only those who I really admire." does that mean you don't mind stiffing a professional that you haven't sessioned with that was nice enough to let you not have to put down a deposit - since you say you don't put down deposits?

Hi MistressAyn

Thanks for not blasting me for what I said. You are the first person who sort of agreed with me . I am not that lucky. Of the 8-10 dommes I saw, I only admire one. She is the only one who I will never annoy. I would feel bad if she were pissed of at me. But then it’s the result of how she treated me.

I feel real connection n admiration are above money. I have nothing against deposits or high tributes as Long as it’s a memorable interaction.

M

I have been really resistant to deposits for the most part. I have my own space, and rarely share--so that I am not taking away from someone else's money if I have a no show.

For the past 20 years I have had a three point confirmation system which has served me well, but I am VERY strict about it. Don't confirm at 12? Great your appointment is canceled and I am gong to the gym or tackling the mountain of admin work (Or avoiding said admin by going on message boards ) Now if you made an appointment, did not confirm, THEN you have to make a deposit. You have lost that privilege. It is very rare someone confirms and does not show--it happens, but rarely. People I have seen before always show to their appointments with a few exceptions due to emergencies.

I do ask deposits for people who want more than the normal 2 hour session that I have not seen before--or on occasion if I am traveling. If they have a problem with that, they can book a shorter, intro session before the longer session.

I am also in a different position than dommes who have to travel, have a vanilla job, have a family, share space, or just can't be bothered with slave fuckery. (My patience amazes myself sometimes.)

No need to apologise. For me, it’s not transactional . It’s personal and I don’t look
At it as money spent for a service. Liking the lady is more important than the activity. It’s a lot easier to spend a few hundred dollars for someone you enjoy with than a service.

I can’t stop people from imposing deposits or cancellation fee. But I am not gonna see anyone who just treats it as a transaction.

As far as stiffing a pro goes, I try my best to only see who I won’t need to stiff.

I personally have zero problems with deposits.
It's money i'm going to pay either way, and I have yet to have some emergency pop up last minute that would cause me to cancel.

The only way I wouldn't be comfortable paying a deposit is if it's a domme who has zero reputation, and that's only because i'm weary of being scammed.

I‘ve never had to pay a deposit, but i do understand the importance of it in the states for 'disciplining' newbies / unknown guys.
But if i saw a domme several times before and suddenly, without any reason she asked me for a deposit - i would stop seeing her. It's not my fault if other guys let her down.
For me, the most important thing in a long term realtion is mutual trust. As i do care a lot for my mistress and never ever have let her down, this would be a deal breaker.