I seriously feel your pain on this one. We Dommes can get prickly and sometimes and things can easily get misconstrued. Personally speaking I have difficulty reconciling the service nature of this business with my dominant personality. Yes, the sub is paying for the session but I have to feel that I am in control and doing the things that I want to do (within their limits/interests). I suspect I am not alone in this.

The subs here have offered you some really good advice and I can't add much to that - other than to give you the Domme's perspective. Nomenclature and phrasing are huge. If someone says, "I want to be tied by the wrist with a two column tie and then have that attached to my ankle so I can't wriggle at all.", that feels totally different to me than someone saying, "I love bondage that doesn't allow much movement. Feeling completely helpless is my goal. Rope has worked well in the past, but I am open to your preferred bondage style."

I realize that this is like playing a game with words, but for me that can really make a lot of difference. It's in the framing of your request. I like to at least see that someone is making an effort to let me enjoy myself and be in control.

I have a delightful sub whose first language is not English - which can make things even more tricky. He will send me emails like this: "I have been a lazy slave and I know you will punish me when we meet. Last time when you beat me with the cane was so painful and humiliating and I am afraid you will do that again. I hope you will not." I know that is exactly what he hopes I will do. However, if I don't he will never mention his disappointment and we have never had a bad session. I am not suggesting you use his approach but I wanted to let you know that we can be malleable if things are presented the right way.


This sounds like something an inexperienced Domme would do and I would think you could eliminate this type of problem in session with more research.

In another reply here you stated that you had moved and are trying to find a good Domme to establish an ongoing relationship. I might suggest that you give us the general area you are in, along with some of your interests and things that are important to you and someone here might be able to give you a suggestion.