Personally I find it challenging requesting sessions.

I have been told that I am topping from the bottom when I am detailed in my request. I give my past experiences and new areas I would like to explore but sometimes it is viewed unfavorably. This usually relates to bondage.

If I list out of kinks it gives an idea of my interests but they try to do everything on the list and it doesn’t make for a good session. For example I have had spanking and cbt to last a few minutes each.

For new dommes I try to do an hour. It gives me an idea of their interests and experiences. Most of the time I am looking for more intensity and pain but Domme wants to treat it as a getting to know you type session which is a waste of time and money.

Pegged,

I wiuld like to try to help. I agree that requesting first Sessions and hitting the correct balance between communicating what you want & enjoy vs it seeming like you are handing them a script to follow can be difficult. Especially when talking about past experiences.

One thing I learned from filling out Mistress Ultra Violet's application years ago (and have used with many Dommes since then) is to not only communcate activities but also something about demeanor/attitude. Saying I want you to act this way or that to a Domme can definitely come across as topping, but stating it in the following way has been very successful for me:

"I prefer intensity, connectivity and intimacy between myself and a Domme when I am in her control but from an attitude perspective I want you to have fun and enjoy everything you are doing while being totally aggressive and somewhat evil in your play choices (whether sensual or sadistic)."

This particular description may not resonate with what you enjoy in session, but I hope it can be an example to build from. It gives a Domme room to be in control of everything while still communicating how to push my buttons in a way that will make it so I truly enjoy my session.

As for activities and limits, I essentially give bullet points rather than going into details... and I make sure to say that I don't expect to hit everything on my list but want to just give them knowledge. When a Domme wants more (or before we start on the day), I can fill in as many details as they wish.

My experience is that the best Dommes intuit what things go well with each other, and truly turn me on, based on that information. Plus, they end up teaching me and delivering an experience that I didn't even know I craved because I gave them that room.

It can backfire into a crappy session if the Domme just isn't that good, or if we are just incompatible, but that is where I trust my own research and intuition in choosing who to see in the first place. Hopefully these ideas help you in some ways and don't come across as arrogantly telling you how to do things... I am only trying to respond to you stating that sometimes you have issues in first encounters and I have been very successful in my own approach to that.

Detailed requests can be awkward. I'm long retired. But when I was active with sessions, it could be difficult to tell if someone expected me to follow every detail of their request or, simply take their email as a roadmap. My personal experience was that roadmaps work better than trying to act out, detail by detail, someone's fantasy. Reality rarely matches fantasy.

If you are looking for more intensity, I have to wonder if starting with a 2 hour session wouldn't be better. You sound like an experienced player. How as it gone when you've started with a longer session?

I agree with many here who have said communication is the key to a successful session, especially the first one, whether it is via phone, email, text - whichever the Mistress feels more comfortable with.

I also post on a female bodybuilding site which has a forum or three on FBBs who do sessions. With my "Amazon/Tarzan" fantasy where "Tarzan" becomes a sub, I think my advice there could work here.

1. Think with the head on your shoulders and not the one between your legs. READ the Mistress' page of likes/dislikes etc. and don't project your fetishes onto her - even if she looks like your ideal Goddess. "No" usually means No.

2. If you do roleplay with fetishes like I do, provide an outline. Clearly state it is only and outline. Politely ask about wardrobe. DON'T dictate dialogue! That's really topping from the bottom. As one FBB who was also a world-class domina once said to me after two or three sessions and were planning another, "Anticipation pet, anticipation." After session or three a real Mistress will know best.

3. Gentlemen, it is obvious but shower, shave, groom yourself for the lovely professional who you will be visiting with. I know, it's obvious, but I've read and heard of plenty of complaints by Dominas about that over the years. They are dealing with your submissiveness and fetishes. The least you can do is dress neatly especially if it is a public scene.

Finally, here is one that developed naturally for me over the years. I begin to fantasize about the session the day before. By the time I am at Her door in my mind She has hired me to serve Her, to give Her entertainment. I mentioned that to a couple of Dominas and FBBs who I have served several times after sessions and more than one said, "That explained your behavior," and appreciated it.

Asp

Appreciate your reply. Really liked all your points and will definitely use them when I book another session

Appreciate the reply and feedback.

I have had 2 hour sessions and they have been great. Those were with Dommes I have sessioned with multiple times so we have a great connection.

My main problem is I have moved so I am trying to find someone new. I have bitten the bullet a few times to be more open minded. To give a domme a chance even though I had some reservations.

In the world of Amazon many are purchasing their equipment from there. I can go further but I’ll leave it as that. You probably got the point though.

I seriously feel your pain on this one. We Dommes can get prickly and sometimes and things can easily get misconstrued. Personally speaking I have difficulty reconciling the service nature of this business with my dominant personality. Yes, the sub is paying for the session but I have to feel that I am in control and doing the things that I want to do (within their limits/interests). I suspect I am not alone in this.

The subs here have offered you some really good advice and I can't add much to that - other than to give you the Domme's perspective. Nomenclature and phrasing are huge. If someone says, "I want to be tied by the wrist with a two column tie and then have that attached to my ankle so I can't wriggle at all.", that feels totally different to me than someone saying, "I love bondage that doesn't allow much movement. Feeling completely helpless is my goal. Rope has worked well in the past, but I am open to your preferred bondage style."

I realize that this is like playing a game with words, but for me that can really make a lot of difference. It's in the framing of your request. I like to at least see that someone is making an effort to let me enjoy myself and be in control.

I have a delightful sub whose first language is not English - which can make things even more tricky. He will send me emails like this: "I have been a lazy slave and I know you will punish me when we meet. Last time when you beat me with the cane was so painful and humiliating and I am afraid you will do that again. I hope you will not." I know that is exactly what he hopes I will do. However, if I don't he will never mention his disappointment and we have never had a bad session. I am not suggesting you use his approach but I wanted to let you know that we can be malleable if things are presented the right way.


This sounds like something an inexperienced Domme would do and I would think you could eliminate this type of problem in session with more research.

In another reply here you stated that you had moved and are trying to find a good Domme to establish an ongoing relationship. I might suggest that you give us the general area you are in, along with some of your interests and things that are important to you and someone here might be able to give you a suggestion.

Appreciate the reply Mistress Ayn. Definitely agree this board has been great on the subject and I have a lot of great pointers.

Always been great with numbers and never with words. Plagues me to this day. I will definitely use your twist in words.

Spot on in saying the Dommes I saw were young. This goes to another subject which is most Dommes are new, young, and so it comes with caveats. I am finding the older ones have been slowly retiring or unavailable as they have older people to look after. This makes scheduling of sessions extremely difficult. No fault to their own on this.

I am in the Raleigh area. Used to live in Charlotte. I have come to the conclusion that if I want to session it will have to be there as I have given up locally. My problem is too many scenarios go through my head about traveling there and back in a single day

Very challenging issue indeed. I admittedly am not the best at communicating. I recognize it as a fault, however, I dont understand how you expect a Domme to just know what you like and then be pissed and go so far as to write a negative review if you didnt experience exactly what you thought you should.

I was in the same boat recently having a first session and not really knowing what I liked and didnt like. But, I filled out the required form before my first session and was open about what I thought I would like. You can't go into a session with a script in your mind on how it will all play out. If you truly want to be submissive, in my opinion, you need to be open to experiencing whatever pleases the Domme within your interests.

I can also see the difficulty in communicating wants and not being seen as trying to top from the bottom. Mistress Ayn and Asp had great suggestions.

Sorry MsRoseWoods he left a negative review. There is always excellent advice on this board. People like him should probably spend some time here reading and learning before complaining he didnt get what he wanted.

Sorry that happened to you, Ms. Rose.

Unfortunately, there's always going to be a client who doesn't know how to articulate their needs and then blames us for it.

I'd just follow up with the client and try to work things out.