Last week, I had a session with a new submissive. Everything seemed great, with nothing out of the ordinary. Three days later I receive an email containing a nasty negative review. He was angry because I didn't include his "Number 1" fetish.

His "Number 1 fetish" was actually a Number 2 fetish. The interesting part of his diatribe, concluded with, "You do scat ya should've known that's my thing!"

I have never claimed to be clairvoyant, or the scat whisperer. I politely informed him that lack of communication is the best way to ruin a session!

Yes, lack of communication is the best way to ruin a session. It is funny that how much things change, over generations, how much they stay the same. About 3% of the clients and, video slaves I came across over the years had a similar "Read my mind. Be a slave to my fetish attitude." When they didn't get what they wanted, they were angry. And, when they did get what they wanted, they were back again, like a drug addict, upset if they didn't get the same "High" they did last time. These type of folks have the maturity of a 2 year old of a two year old who dropped their lollypop in the sandbox.

On the flip side, this reminds me of a long time client, who is one of my best friends, to this day. The first time he came to see me, I thought it was a great session. Nothing crazy but, fun. He sent an email later and, politely told me that he was disappointed but wanted to see me again. I thought, wow, this guy doesn't even know what he wants so, how can I? I agreed to a second session, decided to throw activities out the window and, asked him to simply tell him how he imagined himself feeling. For whatever reason, we had a blast. He saw me every week for the next ten years, with the occasional weekend session. Although I retired years ago, he's still a part of my life. None of that would have happened if he had not had the maturity to talk to me after our first session.

Sounds like your recent client exposed himself, early on, to be one of "Those guys" that isn't worth your time.

Fortunately I learned the importance of communication (and we ended up having a good laugh over my error) many years ago. I lived in the Bay Area and called Queen Adrena in LA to set up a session for 10:30 on a Saturday. Got up early and took a PSA flight down, got a rental car at the airport and called her to confirm I was on my way over. Ah, she thought our session was for 10:30 PM and I thought it was 10:30 AM!!! She had something going on but re-arranged her schedule and was able to see me by noon and we had a fabulous session. First I appreciated her helping smooth out my mistake. Second, I learned to make sure about minor details about such things as time, etc. when booking sessions, especially when traveling some distances.

Sometimes you just can't win. I had a gentleman arrive disappointed that I wasn't wearing a latex dress (He never mentioned anything about latex or dresses).

On top of that, he wanted strap. It's physically impossible to do that in a latex dress. Ugh. People don't think.

MsRoseWoods,

You have touched on an important and challenging issue. How subs and Dommes communicate is key to a fruitful experience for both.

I recall my very first session and wanting to communicate well, but not having any idea of what I wanted, despite research because I had no experience and didn't know myself. I knew what I thought I wanted, but that's different.

What impressed me about your post was that the sub in your case seemed to have some experience. This increases his responsibility in the communication process.

As one in the submissive role, I wrestle when communicating with not topping from the bottom, or demanding more than appropriate and sharing needs. That balance can off either because of the subs style of communicating or the Domme's perceptions and sensitivities.

Experience helps both parties get it right.

I actually had a very similar experience once related to the day (rather than time) and a Domme who was originally from Eastern Europe. I was in town with friends and told her I couldn't come until 1am (which was actually more acceptable to her than 1pm).

The problem was that 1am is technically the next day and there was confusion about Friday night/Saturday morning (which is what I meant) vs Saturday night/Sunday morning (which is what she thought). So, when I called to confirm on Friday at 11pm, she was like "WTF?".

She had her own private dungeon and no conflicts so she was easily able to adjust her plans to actually meet at 2am, but I did take what I consider to be an undeserved punishment for it (I still feel I was clear and the fact that English is a 2nd or 3rd language for her led to the misunderstanding more than me not communicating... but, the Domme is always right in these circumstances). Now, when I need to do something later at night with her, I try for 11:59pm or use the double date convention I did in the previous paragraph.

Due to an abiding interest in c/nc I am on the over-communicating end of the spectrum. But even from that perch, I can make an observation on this.

By the time the lad contacts you Divas (Divae?), he has run this scene through his mind (and other parts) 1000 times. It's on a movie reel that he can call up at a moment's notice. At least 100 of those times You were there. Were You not paying attention to the part about scat and wearing a specially engineered latex dress that somehow has a strap-on opening?

It is by then so real and so tangible that an expectation arises that it must be apparent to You in whom this dream is now invested.

Gatsby believed in the green light, the orgastic future that year by year recedes before us. And so on......

Very good observation and so very, very true.

I think this is a good topic for all to think about. Regarding an unsatisfying session, when should a sub write a negative review and when should they just move on?

I've had mostly wonderful experiences with ProDommes and I've limited myself to only writing reviews where I feel I can be positive. But there have been a few rare instances of "bad" sessions. All of them were due to poor communication. When those issues of communication have been my fault, I always just swallow my dissatisfaction and move on with a lesson learned.

But, there have been clear times when the communication issues have been on the Dommes side. I always describe the tenor of the session I'm looking for and list particular interests. When in email my interests are described as highly compatible, but then the session takes a completely different tone, I'm left a bit upset and can feel somewhat scammed. I've sometimes contacted the Domme after such a session and explained my dissatisfaction. I figure she might be able to use it as constructive criticism, but sometimes these devolve into a "blame game" where I'm told why I should have expected her to be a certain way.

However, contacting the Domme is one thing and posting a negative review is something completely different. These reviews affect the number of inquiries a Domme gets. So I've yet to post a negative review.

Besides, it's way more fun to post about positive experiences and boost the profiles of those exceptionally wonderful Dommes out there.

what about guys who like to be surprised by your depravity, and figure that, if you are overboard, they will have to stop you or just permit you to be bad?

there are guys who see mistresses on that basis, but they are less nasty about it!