I'm not in a place where I can write you a proper response, but I want to say something. Also, I'm going to be with family for the next couple of days, so please don't be offended if I don't hold up my end moving forward.

But here's an analogy. There are an awful lot of women in NYC who will tie you up. But if you're really into bondage, you might feel like there are maybe two or three women who are the real deal.

I'm really into financial domination. There are a lot of women out there who talk about it, but very, very few who seem real to me.

I think that part of the mismatch here is that you're counting everyone who talks about it as a findomme, including the crazy lying lady who steals photos. But to me, the number of women who really get it is very small, and I don't think of the others as being genuine.

I'm not trying to say that I'm right, and that my conception of this scene as a very small club is necessarily reasonable. To be honest, I wasn't really aware that I was thinking about it in this way until this thread caused me to examine my assumptions more closely.

But I think this is one of the main reasons we're disagreeing. I admit, freely, that most of the women the anti-findom people can't stand are genuinely awful. I can't stand them either, and have no interaction with them at all.

But it's not all like that. And while the part I'm talking about might be very small compared to the part everyone hates, it does exist.