Excellent discussion, thank you all. Code words are clearly necessary for first time or first few time play. As you both become familiar, things change. i disliked using code words as a sub since it gave me power - the exact opposite of why i saw a Mistress. Now i enjoy knowing that if i am using a code word it will be "ignored" since my Mistress knows it is a feeble attempt to gain control which i do not want anyway. Trying to resist or control and having that ignored is exciting for me. But, this is based on a TRUST that has developed over time and Mistress Ayn knows when i am in distress. Usually, She knows that i can take more, need to take more, and do take more -- and then am delighted that my "limit" is pushed farther than i imagined i could. But, it is all about trust.