Thanks for saying that. It's funny the things people let bother them over the years. He was just in his mid 20's. He probably just didn't understand what he was asking for.

I only establish safewords for CNC sessions where "no" doesn't mean "no". Otherwise the safeword is "oh no, that hurts too much."

I much prefer more nuanced communication over some red/yellow system, which always feels a little clunky to me. If a sub is getting close to his limits I'd rather know the specifics, like "Mistress, these nipple clamps are getting to be too much" so I know to slack off on his nips while continuing with the ballbusting or whatever.

I don't really like the whole process of using code words but most Mistresses I see insist on them. After reading everyone's comments I might approach Mistresses a different way going forward and see if we can just speak clearly to each other. If I have ever used a code word, I don't remember it, but with a new Mistress it's always in the back of my head that I will need to use it to get myself out of a jam and it kind of effects my headspace.

I totally agree with you but for me, red/yellow is just a signal for the Domme to step in with the open communication. Screaming "ow, my balls!!!” seems a little disrespectful (especially when she is twisting my nipples)

My extremely inexperienced two cents for what it's worth...

I understand the reasoning behind having safe words given that you are putting your complete trust into someone which is no easy feat. It makes sense to have a way out if things get too painful/intense. I might say "no", "stop" or just beg for mercy in general but not really want things to stop though. I think given that a Domme might push a submissive to the edge they even expect to hear something like "no" or "stop". As a submissive you should not rely on those types of words ending the session. But, if I was suddenly experiencing a pain, muscle cramp, etc. not at all related to the session play and I needed things to stop of course I would need a way to communicate that. I would think I could just say that, however, and the Domme would stop. To be a successful Pro Domme I imagine you have to be intelligent and skilled enough to read people, even those you might not know well.

Unfortunately, some people don't even know themselves, so where does that leave a Domme as in the situation you explained Cheyenne. That was clearly not your fault as he didn't really know his limits and ego got in the way. I think open communication is a good idea. That's not to say having code/safewords is not a good idea. People might prefer them so they don't kill the mood by becoming all conversational. Then there are those situations where someone might want to session without a code/safeword so they can feel really really out of control.

I’ve probably done over 300 sessions over the course of years and only been given a safe word in a handful and in each case it was a surprise and unwanted. I like to be pushed in session and don’t like the idea I can just stop it by saying a color. I’ve always just trusted the Mistress to read me and know how far to go. I’ve always been able to get my point across by demeanour change when I got a non bdsm pain like a cramp or as I’ve aged been put into a stress position that is bad for my health. In the past 6 months I have played with 2 different experienced Dommes for the first time and a safe word was never discussed or given.

Can I say something to Dommes. There is a term, “vanilla life”. Why use red, yellow, green for safe words? So vanilla. Use something demeaning.
I don’t know. You Mistresses are smart. Whip for green, piss for yellow and cock for red. Adds a little different element if your slaves all of a sudden yells COCK.

That is too funny. I can see a routine like "Who's on third," where the dom is being playful and, deliberately confusing the slave on what means go harder and, what means to pull back..."Cock...er, I mean balls....wait, nipples!!!"

Speaking of funny back in the late 90’s or early 2000 there was an episode on Jackass about one of the stunt man being whipped by a domme. And she gave him a safe word Oklahoma. Of course the guy says the safe word after a few hits. And then it got to the point that he kept saying Oklahoma even when she wasn’t hitting him. The whole crew was laughing as it’s a comedy show. So the next time I went to session with one of my playfully domme I told her about that show and maybe use that safe word for that session. So she says “you want to say Oklahoma then huh”? While she wasn’t a hardcore domme she was sure make I yelled out Oklahoma!

Excellent discussion, thank you all. Code words are clearly necessary for first time or first few time play. As you both become familiar, things change. i disliked using code words as a sub since it gave me power - the exact opposite of why i saw a Mistress. Now i enjoy knowing that if i am using a code word it will be "ignored" since my Mistress knows it is a feeble attempt to gain control which i do not want anyway. Trying to resist or control and having that ignored is exciting for me. But, this is based on a TRUST that has developed over time and Mistress Ayn knows when i am in distress. Usually, She knows that i can take more, need to take more, and do take more -- and then am delighted that my "limit" is pushed farther than i imagined i could. But, it is all about trust.