Hello all. I am traveling to the west coast next month and was trying to set up a session while i am there. A mistress I contacted asked me for a photo ID as part of her screening. Is that normal out there?

I have references and am willing to put up a deposit but she said that wasn't enough. I am not sending a photo of my ID so I guess we are done but I was curious if any of you have had this happen, what did you do and is this where we are headed as a new normal?

subjohn

I only session now and then, but have never been asked for photo ID. I think you need your fucking head examined if you are willing to submit to that.

I wouldn’t like it either. Someone recommended I join Fetlife and at the end it asked for my phone number. My company pays for my phone service. I didn’t go any further.

It is probably harmless but, I'd let her know this is a show stopper for you and, ask her to reconsider. Maybe she is new? Young? It is difficult to say. But, I'd give her a chance to reconsider before moving on. Not only you should not be expected to submit your id (Unless you look underage) but, it offers the Dominatrix little to no protection.

It should be normal, yes, to give your info to reputable Dommes. Not giving it to some craigslist nobody Domme? I get that, but obvious verified professionals? Come now. I've seen hundreds of people who have all given me ID. Businessmen, actors, professonal athletes, politicians, you name it. Our job is keeping that info safe (not as if Google doesn't know what you're doing anyway hahaha)

S*x workers, including Dominatrixes, get beaten, raped, robbed, etc. There's a rapist going around right now that's well known who is active, targeting us. We're inviting you into OUR home, and you think we should just trust some stranger whos probably twice our weight to not take advantage of us without some kind of collateral? Yeah, that's not smart at all.

Personally I do not negotiate when it comes to my safety and I don't understand how other people can. If you don't trust a Domme with your name, how can you trust her with your body?

Besides, WHY would you really want to see someone who doesn't carefully screen? Who lets potential looneys, stalkers, and pigs through the same door that you hope to securely, privately, anonymously waltz through? A Dominatrix that is willing to see you without screening puts not just her own safety at risk, but YOURS as well. They are more likely to attract stalkers than a Domme who does screen.

Ugh.

Edit: Also I understand why she won't take references. I had a guy who was good to me act like a total asshole to another Domme I knew. Sad world

I've been asked to show my ID multiple times, but that was moreso to confirm that I was of age.

I don't personally see the harm in it.

If it was someone with a good reputation and long in the business, I would if I wanted to see them badly enough. And I have several times with no consequences.

Its not common but it happens.

Hello subjohn,

I know a few Dommes out West and I don't think this is normal at all - anywhere. Some escorts ask for a photo ID if you aren't "verified", so the Domme you are dealing with may be coming from that perspective. However, if you have references and are willing to put up a deposit, you should be golden. If it's important for you to see her, explain your reservations and be willing to move on if she doesn't budge.

One question: Is she a well known Domme?

I wouldn't really have a problem showing her my id in person. My guess is she would forget my name as soon as I walked out the door. I am not famous or rich or think I am all that important but I do have concerns about privacy. I just don't want an electronic image of my id sitting in a Mistress's email inbox or computer file or any file. My greatest fear is not what she will do with it but what other's might do with it. I heard a story on one of the forums about a reputable Mistress who's boyfriend or husband got ahold of her client list and threatened to out them all if she didn't give his sum of money in the separation settlement. If all that was in the file or on her computer was my sub name, sub email and Google voice number, that couldn't happen even if it fell into the wrong hands.

I will do that Mistress Cheyenne. Thank you for the advice.