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#6694 - 09/17/19 11:24 AM
Jealousy
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Veteran
Registered: 10/13/15
Posts: 1320
Loc: Romania
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I have seen jealousy in this business on both sides of the fence and I just hate it. I have seen subs get jealous of other subs because they think the Domme is closer to another sub, spends more time with him, gets better gifts from him, etc. I once had a guy say he would never review our sessions because he didn't want anyone else to see me. Talk about a false economy.
What is worse though is when Dommes get jealous of each other. I recently had a Mistress in another city tell Me she was put off because I had suggested one of my subs see her as part of his ongoing training. Her logic was that he had seen her a couple of times in the past, so I guess she thought she owned him. Unfortunately this type of attitude is common. I have had subs reluctant to list references because they were afraid the other Domme would be angry that they were seeing someone else. I've even seen Dommes try to destroy the reputation of another because a "valued" sub defected.
My opinion is that if a sub wants to see another Domme, he should. If he ends up feeling more compatible with the other Domme, he should continue to see her. If he wants to come back to me at some point, that's fine too. I won't hate him for it or get angry at the other Domme. If you truly value someone, you should want that person to be happy.
I work in a shared space with several other Dommes. That has also fostered a live and let live attitude in me. A lot of the guys we see like to return to the familiar. Guys that have seen me like the space and they trust me, so if they are coming to town and I can't see them, they often ask me to refer them to one of my Domme Sisters and I have no issue with that. Many of my Dungeon Mates do the same for me. That has fostered an environment where subs feel they can explore safely and be open and truthful about their experiences.
I would love to hear other's experiences with jealousy as either a Domme or a sub.
_________________________
Making grown men cry . . . and loving every minute of it. Main website: www.mistressayn.comContent site: www.aynrules.com Follow Me on Twitter - @MistressAyn
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#6698 - 09/17/19 02:34 PM
Re: Jealousy
[Re: Mistress Ayn]
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Regular
Registered: 01/21/16
Posts: 175
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Yes, and it ended UGLY. When i chose one Mistress who was local over the other two that were remote they tried to label her as racist. It really helped me get over the loss when i saw how low they sunk and it took a while but now I am grateful that I serve one awesome Mistress and also get to play sometimes with two others. Everyone knows each other and that makes it way cool.
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#6699 - 09/17/19 02:40 PM
Re: Jealousy
[Re: Mistress Ayn]
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Enthusiast
Registered: 06/17/19
Posts: 285
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I have seen jealousy in this business on both sides of the fence and I just hate it. I have seen subs get jealous of other subs because they think the Domme is closer to another sub, spends more time with him, gets better gifts from him, etc. I once had a guy say he would never review our sessions because he didn't want anyone else to see me. Talk about a false economy.
What is worse though is when Dommes get jealous of each other. I recently had a Mistress in another city tell Me she was put off because I had suggested one of my subs see her as part of his ongoing training. Her logic was that he had seen her a couple of times in the past, so I guess she thought she owned him. Unfortunately this type of attitude is common. I have had subs reluctant to list references because they were afraid the other Domme would be angry that they were seeing someone else. I've even seen Dommes try to destroy the reputation of another because a "valued" sub defected.
My opinion is that if a sub wants to see another Domme, he should. If he ends up feeling more compatible with the other Domme, he should continue to see her. If he wants to come back to me at some point, that's fine too. I won't hate him for it or get angry at the other Domme. If you truly value someone, you should want that person to be happy.
I work in a shared space with several other Dommes. That has also fostered a live and let live attitude in me. A lot of the guys we see like to return to the familiar. Guys that have seen me like the space and they trust me, so if they are coming to town and I can't see them, they often ask me to refer them to one of my Domme Sisters and I have no issue with that. Many of my Dungeon Mates do the same for me. That has fostered an environment where subs feel they can explore safely and be open and truthful about their experiences.
I would love to hear other's experiences with jealousy as either a Domme or a sub.
I don't know what to say except; "I'm so Jealous." 
_________________________
Truth is everybody is going to hurt you: you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for.
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#6702 - 09/17/19 03:40 PM
Re: Jealousy
[Re: Mistress Ayn]
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Regular
Registered: 07/25/19
Posts: 114
Loc: NJ, USA
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Never been jealous of others subs. Other than a big group play, never session with other subs around.
Of course I’ve had my share of jealous Dommes whether it was because they thought I was seeing just them or thought they were losing money due to me seeing another. In the end I just stop seeing both. Although I can see why they might feel that way. Years ago I used to get my hair cut by the owner of the hair salon. One time she wasn’t available so one of her other girls cut my hair. I really liked the way she did it so I continue to let her cut my hair. I felt guilty about it but the owner told me don’t worry about it. Then of course when the other woman left the salon I went back to the owner to cut my hair again so it worked out good.
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#6703 - 09/17/19 03:48 PM
Re: Jealousy
[Re: Mistress Ayn]
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Artisan
Registered: 12/11/18
Posts: 97
Loc: Connecticut
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I don't understand those who get jealous, dommes or subs, it makes no sense.
You either get into a lifestyle relationship with the person you're seemingly so possessive of or you recognize that it's a business! You can't have your cake and eat it too.
I've never encountered a jealous domme, fortunately. All the dommes i've sessioned with are ones who require references in the first place, so they're already encouraging of having experiences with other dommes.
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#6705 - 09/17/19 05:58 PM
Re: Jealousy
[Re: Mistress Ayn]
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Regular
Registered: 06/23/19
Posts: 126
Loc: Maryland
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I find this interesting. I don’t think I have seen a single Domme more than 10 times. I travel and even if I see a Domme I really like I may not get back there for 3-6 months.
That said, I have gotten along with some that even lead to going out for drinks. Not using me for drinks like you think.
Mistress Ayn. I come to see you a few times and we hit it off. Next time I am in the Atl ,but you are out of town. Based on my feeling about you and also believing it’s not only for the dollars you would recommend me to someone at your place.
Am I wrong?
I guess this may be different if a guy sees Dommes in one city or area.
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#6707 - 09/17/19 06:32 PM
Re: Jealousy
[Re: Mistress Ayn]
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Addict
Registered: 10/10/15
Posts: 689
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Bottom Line: It is a business relationship
Problems only happen when people forget that.
If people remember that, they can relax, be friendly, and share like they do with their accountant, nutritionist, hair stylist etc.
If I started to feel jealously in a business relationship, in either direction I would take a break until whoever is the problem comes back to themselves.
Edited by Soapy (09/17/19 06:36 PM)
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#6714 - 09/17/19 11:23 PM
Re: Jealousy
[Re: Jiminhales]
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Veteran
Registered: 10/13/15
Posts: 1320
Loc: Romania
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Mistress Ayn. I come to see you a few times and we hit it off. Next time I am in the Atl ,but you are out of town. Based on my feeling about you and also believing it’s not only for the dollars you would recommend me to someone at your place.
Am I wrong?
I guess this may be different if a guy sees Dommes in one city or area. That would be correct. But this is true for other cities as well. I only go to DC once a quarter and that's a long time for some subs to wait between visits. I have guys there that ask me to recommend visiting Dommes as well as local Mistresses. There are plenty of you sluts to go around. Besides, competition is not a bad thing. It keeps me from getting complacent. We have so many good Dommes in Atlanta that if you get complacent here you will starve!
_________________________
Making grown men cry . . . and loving every minute of it. Main website: www.mistressayn.comContent site: www.aynrules.com Follow Me on Twitter - @MistressAyn
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#6715 - 09/17/19 11:23 PM
Re: Jealousy
[Re: Soapy]
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Veteran
Registered: 10/13/15
Posts: 1320
Loc: Romania
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Perfectly put, soapy.
_________________________
Making grown men cry . . . and loving every minute of it. Main website: www.mistressayn.comContent site: www.aynrules.com Follow Me on Twitter - @MistressAyn
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#6729 - 09/18/19 09:56 AM
Re: Jealousy
[Re: Mistress Ayn]
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Addict
Registered: 06/15/19
Posts: 486
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In my experience three notable Mistresses I knew did recommend others I should see, based on my likes and fetishes. There was no jealousy or rancor involved.
When my original Mistress, Belle de Jour, all but stopped doing sessions for a while in the 1980s she recommended several ladies over the years. Granted, they were employed by her but the selections were never a disappointment. (And after she supposedly "retired" I sweet talked my way into her serving her a couple of times.)
That's how I met Mistress Ava Taurel. I saw Ava after she left Belle for a year or two. Given my Amazon role play, one day she generously recommended two Mistresses that she knew but did not employ. I saw each one. And, separately, I served Empress Dominique of NJ for a time starting in the late 1990s. The Empress said met at a party a well-known porn star who wanted to become domina who is someone I should meet because I'd like her and the lady would get a kick out of my scene. (Her name escapes me now.) We never did connect.
It is a business, but I was lucky. These three legendary Mistresses loved the scene and, I guess, liked my enthusiasm so they made unsolicited recommendations.
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