A comment I made on an earlier post about not wanting a lot of small talk at the beginning of a session made Me think - and yes, sometimes that's a dangerous thing. Although I don't want to stand around discussing what we have both been up to, I do like to talk in session. It's a big part of the scene for Me. Whispering in the subs ear exactly what I could do to him, threatening him with pain or humiliation, laughing at his predicament, etc. Of course it depends on the scene, but I am usually quite talkative. I love the idea of leading slaves verbally down the rabbit hole. Every now and then I will connect in a way where words don't seem appropriate and both the sub and I just get "lost" in the sensations and activities. At those times talk seems to shatter the connection if that makes sense.

I know there are some subs that don't like talk in session and because of that we might not be a good match. What are your thoughts on this? Do you want a Mistress to lead you with her voice or do you want her to let you find your own headspace and go silently about her business? Dommes, are you talkative or not?

I am a talker. Hopefully not to excess but I do it for a living. I personally like to hear what is about to happen. Some people, this could cause them to tense up. For me, it is a turn-on because it makes me think the Domme is into what she is about to do.
The few times I have been with a quiet Domme it just sort of feels like she is going through the motions.

I used to session with both kinds. To me the talking sessions are probably more fun. One Domme was almost like a doctor like. She would show me something ask if I knew what it was. Then she would tell me what it was and what she was going to do to me with it and what I might expect from it. The funny part is she would say it with a cute smile on her face knowing that it was going to hurt a lot.

Another Domme I session with was very opposite of her where she didn’t talk much in session except to tell me what to do. She would even just snap her fingers and point too. She also had like a fake kind of laugh too. I think she just thought of this as a job even though she was very good at dominating.

Although I loved both styles the talking Domme is more fun as long it’s not too much talking.

Ayn

Good Topic!

Unfortunately, too often for me talking has had a negative impact on the session.

Old movie syndrome
If you watch old movies, the often feel like a spoof, because the actors / actresses so much overplay it. I rather like the session not to be overplayed, and words exacerbate the overplay.
Not wanting to be racist, I generally find Americans are more prone to overplay than Europeans.

When the words don't match the session
I always point out that I am not a submissive, but that I want to be submitted.
Then sentences such as:
"Don't you want to do that for me?" don't work, no I don't want to do it for you , but I do it because I am tied up and you have a riding crop in your hand.
Or:
"How does it feel under my smelly feet?" and they smell like a piece of soap, freshly washed...

Good talk can be a turn-on, but often action speaks more than a thousand words.

I love talking, so much so that I point it out, and also point out examples where I find talk particularly intoxicating:

• I like the overall feel of the session to be more flirty and fun, than strict. Flirty banter is always a plus
  
• It's fun to engage in (say) CBT, but what makes my go through the roof is that, while we're doing it, she's teasing me, humiliating me about her power over me, laughing, etc
  
• I also enjoy faux threats. For example, forced bi is a hard limit of mine, but her saying "you better do this better or I'll bring a guy in and make you suck a dick" drives me overboard. Similarly, "do xyz or I'll dip a strapon in Dave's Insanity Sauce and fuck you with it", etc.
  

Threatening to perform things that are on my black-list is a sure way to take me out of sub-space, definitely not my thing.

It is always helpful when a sub specifies his preference.

I agree that less talk often feels more strict. I am naturally a very sensual Domme. I find it quite fun to sound like I'm flirting and bring a sub's guard down, then before he knows it I've torn his ego to shreds!

I also tend to laugh a lot during session. That's naturally how I am, and it can be quite unnerving for whoever is under my control.

A lot of BDSM is all in your head; why not activate the imagination?

Interesting. I have heard other people say that Dommes that don't talk much in session give off the vibe that they are just going through the motions. I don't think that is the case with every Domme that is on the quiet side, but it may be more right than wrong. Thanks for the feedback.

I totally get this. I have been in sessions where the Domme sounded totally fake. It's a buzz kill - even for me.

Am I to take it from your comment that you are European, not American? Or are you a well traveled American? I am curious. Feel free to PM me if you don't want to answer in the forum but I think others would appreciate knowing. Different perspectives always fascinate me.

I’m guessing it was just her style. She wasn’t a clock watcher or seem bored. In fact she wasn’t chatty before or after session either. Since I like both styles it works for me. Although I can see someone who likes a playful Domme won’t match well with one that doesn’t.