I think I saw a domme's reaction to that tweet. I don't want to mention her, because she doesn't really have anything to do with this, and might not agree with what I'm saying.

But her tweet was sort of like, the findom sucks, she's a shitty domme. For a while, I had been thinking that findoms and the woman who made the tweet were pretty different -- that they were living on separate planets, more or less.

I believe that there's a big divide between doing things face to face vs. never meeting in person. That's kind of the main idea on the table. People tend to be in one camp or another.

I know that the lines seem blurry -- it's pretty common for women who do in person sessions to do niteflirt, or to have tribute buttons on some site. But I'd be surprised if many of them are actually taking in much money through them. It's more like, everyone loves free money, and if some guy wants to pay, here's a way he can do it. But she's not really out there making it happen.

It's been a long time since I sessioned at all, much less regularly, but I was very into it for a long time. At one point I was seeing someone once a week. I used to visit NYC to session (I have since moved here) and on one trip I did three sessions in a single day.

But now I've been "stuck" in the findom world for a while. The idea of having a face to face session seems almost unthinkable -- I would be surprised if I ever do it again, despite the fact that it would, in face, be cheaper, and I live in a city with lots of dommes.

So for me something has changed, and it seems natural to think of the two things as being different, as my own relationship to them seems and feels quite different.

Also, FWIW, a lot of people have said, I think findom is part of BDSM. So do I. And I think it's a thing people should be free to do. I mean, I have to think that, as I do it. I wasn't trying to say that findom isn't BDSM, or that it's this thing that ought to be suppressed.

I don't really know anyone in the scene now, except for a couple of women I have been friends with for a long time. But a while back I did -- I met many of the most famous dommes in the world socially and had friendships with some of them. I'm not saying I knew them well enough to speak for them, obviously.

But in general, they had some area they were interested in -- fetishes, or bondage, or intense corporal punishments, etc. And they took what they did seriously -- they tried to learn about it, to develop their skills. They were proud of their professionalism. And they were genuinely interested in the interactions they had with clients. Not everyone, obviously, but in every case, the women I knew had clients that were important to them, and with whom they looked forward to sessioning, not because of the money, but because of the human interaction that took place.

I could list five or seven women who make POV videos who are stars of the findom scene -- what they're doing just isn't the same sort of thing. The whole thing is looking into a camera and talking. they make a lot of money from selling clips, and some small percentage of the guys who buy them send tributes, some of them large. But they never meet any of those guys, and the men never meet them.

I'm not trying to say it's worse, just that it's really different. It's a different sort of life, it has different sorts of rewards, different sorts of pitfalls.

And on my side of things, there is an even bigger difference between being the sort of guy who is open and engaged with women in person, face to face, who is exploring things with a woman, and a guy who is more closed off, and who is watching videos, and sending money.

(Apologies for not answering everyone individually... I think I'd just be saying the same things over and over again, though.)