I get this question a lot from vanilla friends. Have I ever been frightened for my safety in session? Only twice have I been and, not for the reasons a vanilla person might think. Rather I was doing sessions in a remote cabin, hotel suite in a city I'd never been to before or, at my studio at 2am...my clients were the coolest. Either I've had dumb lucky or, femdom clients are usually just great people. Here are the two times, out of 20 years of full time sessions, that I was frightened.

1. A young man came to see me for a heavy Sm session. As soon as he was restrained and, I was whipping him, he began screaming about how much he wanted to kill me and, calling me Mom. I let him cool down and, then, released him from bondage, gave his money back and, told him that I could not continue the session. He said that is just how he reacts and, really wanted to keep going but, I couldn't. Not only was I worried about the guy clocking out but, whatever he was dealing with was beyond me to help him.

2. This is actually kind of funny...one of my fondest memories of session days. It was Halloween. Early in the day I got a call from a man who wanted to pretend to be a wolf and, have me train him. Then, he wanted to worship my feet. It sounded like fun. I loved the day of same day sessions. It was like impromptu theater. It turned out that he was an usually tall Native American with hair down to his waist. A powerful figure. When we got into our role play...boy, was he a convincing wolf. If Hollywood was looking for a human wolf...this would have been their guy. Keep in mind, it was Halloween. Then it came time for him to worship my feet. He was fairly aggressive. I kept thinking...this guy is going to turn into a wolf and, bite off my toes. Maybe I had been watching too many Halloween movies but...it was a concern. I was wondering...is their a full moon...who wrote American Werewolf in London...and, are his ears growing hair or, am I getting paranoid? As it turned out, he didn't transform into an animal so, it was all good.

But, with the exception of these two sessions, I've never been frightened of my clients. Perhaps, because I screen them well but, also because FemDom attracts good people.

Your experiences and, thoughts?

As far as I know I'm not a domina, but I just want to say I can't get enough of this type of experiences and anecdotes from pro dommes, so thank you for sharing!

:-)

Wow, Cheyenne. Situation #1 sounds truly unnerving. Situation #2 had to be nerve racking too at the time and I can see how in hindsight it is funny and memorable. Happy Halloween!

This is a subject I don't think I have seen discussed publicly before. We all have our stories that we share when a group of Dommes get together but your raising the subject in the forum gives it new breadth.

About a year ago I sat down and roughly estimated how many hours of pro sessions I had done and it totaled well into the thousands - as it is with many of us - and it's really amazing how few scary events I and others have had considering the contact we have with strangers (at least initially) in a sexually charged atmosphere.

I don't think I have anything that come close to either of your stories but here goes:

#1 A sub I had seen a handful of times a few years prior came back out of the cold so to speak and wanted to book a session. He was always a little "off" and just an odd character. I diligently pulled My notes from prior sessions and made a plan. I dutifully asked if anything had changed and if there was anything I needed to know. We also talked a bit before we started. About 15 minutes into a 2 hour session he started shouting "these are not my interests". He started pulling at his bondage and would not be calmed down - continuing to say "these are not my interests". He was a really big guy and he broke a cuff connector and got himself loose - brushing me off. When he was completely free was when I finally got scared. I kept thinking I could talk him down, but I couldn't get through to him at all. Fortunately he got dressed in record time and simply left, slamming the door. A month or two later he sends me a really weird email asking to talk to me on the phone so I get a better idea what was going on with him. I passed. I'm done.

#2 Like you Cheyenne, this went on to be one of my most memorable sessions. I was seeing a couple for the second time. He was into some pretty extreme pain and we had explored that in the first session without incident. I knew he was ex-military and had my suspicions why he was exploring pain so I always made sure he was very secure when we ratcheted it up. About half way through the second session he had an episode. He tensed up and his whole demeanor changed but he hadn't said a word, so I bent down (he as tied to a bench on all fours) so I could look in his face and he said, "I'm in a very dark place right now" and then his whole body started to violently shake as he tested the bonds. I swear if he was free in that moment he would have killed us both. I just did what instinct told me to do. I put my face against his and told him he was safe - to just let it out and we would be here when he was finished. It ended in a matter of seconds but it seemed like a lifetime. His wife came and stroked and held him and when I was sure he was past it, I let him go. I told him to hug his wife and they pulled me into their circle and we all cried. It was amazing. I got an email a few months later telling me how much happier they were since the event. It was like a purging of bad. He told her the VA should send vets with PTSD to see Pro Dommes.

I think we have all had creepy feelings about guys and I have learned to trust my instincts with that. If they feel "off" they will usually act "off" and it might not be worth the risk. We have a nut job here in Atlanta that has held a couple of Dommes against their will. So far he hasn't hurt anyone but I think he is escalating and headed for disaster. I am fortunate that the very first contact I had with him was a nasty text and I googled the number and it came back with his real name and business. What an idiot. He still tries to book with all of us and changes his name, email and even phone number trying to get through. He's a real piece of work.

Those are all very interesting accounts of sessions gone awry. I'm actually a bit surprised (and heartened) that so few clients have gone a little bonkers on you. I'm sure you can chalk part of that up to good screening.

I was intrigued by your mentioning of going over your notes from previous sessions of a returning client. Do you jot down notes of all sessions and keep them on file, or just keep notes on those clients who are regulars or who have the possibility of becoming regulars?

Thank you for a thought-provoking topic. As a submissive I have a few observations / experiences I'd like to share on the topic. If I am repeating myself from a post I did here or MF please forgive me.
1. If you are sessioning with a Domina for the first time in Her private dungeon, apartment or hotel room and YOU feel apprehensive, think about the Domina. She may do some screening (in the pre-internet days it was a phone conversation), but the Domina really doesn't know who is going to come through that door. Be at least a little tolerant to that view.
2. One safety tactic that I experienced at least a couple of times with first-time sessions was exactly the same. Ironically they were from Amazonian female bodybuilders (I'm 6' 1" around 235 lbs. or so and they were taller, probably stronger than me), is a phone call a couple of minutes after I entered the room. The conversations were something like, "Yeah, I'm fine. About to start now. Bye," and both ladies made the point to say that a friend traveling with them called to see if all was well.
3. Another safety tactic: a growling guard dog. I love dogs but it was intimidating. One was a Doberman that I did eventually see after session, the other was a Pit Bull I heard, but never saw.
4. I've walked out of sessions quickly, at least three or four times on a first-time session. In a couple of cases it involved the Domina using old or misleading pics in her ads. In another couple of cases the Domina looked and sounded like she was drunk or on drugs. I left part or all of the tribute and got out of there.
5. Concerning notetaking on subs, I became a regular of the late, legendary Mistress Ava Taurel, first when she worked with the equally memorable Belle De Jour, and later as an independent. At one of our last sessions she referred to her diary at the end saying, "This roleplay is different than the next-door neighbor fantasy of last year, but the activities are the same." That may have spooked some subs, but not me. If it helped the session, and I'm sure it did, I'm all for it.
6. About the experiences Mistress Cheyenne and Mistress Ayn described, a handful of Mistresses I became regulars with told me at some point over the years, "I have to take a break from this," because some of the subs they would see had plenty of dark emotions that would come out in session and be put on the doorstep of the Domina. Mistresses in some cases are like therapists, no question about it.

Hello Zingish,

I take notes on every session, every time and I can't imagine that any busy Domme worth her salt doesn't do the same. Months and sometimes years go by between sessions and I want the reunion to be as seamless as possible. If I noticed that a sub loves to smell My hair or goes weak when My stockings brushed against his legs, I want to be able to tap into that. If a sub likes nipple pinching but not clamps I want to "remember" that. Plus I don't want to inadvertently do almost the same session again because I can't remember what we did in our previous session, so notes are imperative to me. I even write down what I wore.

Subs need not worry about discretion. It's all handwritten and most of it would be indecipherable to anyone but me or maybe another Domme and the only identifier is a first name, sometimes a last initial and sometimes a city or state if I have multiple john h's as an example. Everything is kept in my home under lock and key, as it should be.

The truth is that loving kink, BDSM and FemDom is not enough to be a pro long term. You have to also love people, be empathetic and be strong of mind and will. If you lack love and empathy you will become bitter and man hating. If you lack strength, the darkness in others will over power the light in you.

+1

Wow... Ok, joining this board probably is the best thing I've done this summer.