Just a bit of background, my late husband, who many folks here knew as Jack or, Thumper passed 3 years ago. We had such a wonderfully, unique relationship. We'd play once in a blue moon but, were mainly traditional at home. It is hard to say, "Be on your knees when the lights go off and....oh, did you pay the cleaning lady and, who's picking the kids up from soccer practice?" So, Michelle Lacy and, I would get together and, come up with awesome sessions that I'd send him off to. He needed an unfamiliar space with mystery. Gosh, Michelle and, I had a blast and....my husband loved it too. It was truly the best of both worlds with us...and, something that most anyone else would think we were crazy for living out.

Skip to three years later. I really didn't think I'd be okay after losing Jack...I certainly didn't think that I'd ever be in another relationship. But, Mother Earth gave me more grace and, love than I deserve. Without looking for anyone...it just sort of happened...one of my neighbors where Jack and, I vacationed in Tennessee just sort of found each other. Here is what I find so darn funny. He is quite vanilla. He is open minded, fun and...we act like high school kids too much of the time...but, how funny is it to be in a relationship with someone who has no idea about Cheyenne or, ClubDom or, the crazy videos I've made? He'll say things like, "I'd love it if you took control one night." I have to laugh...does he realize that means he's going to come home one day and, I would have hired someone rig to the bedroom ceiling with a wire and, pulley system? Then, there is no shocking me. He was teasing me one day because I keep talking in my sleep. He said he'd have to get me a muzzle. He was looking for the shock factor there and, I said, "Oh, can it be pink with sparkles? I've never played that side of the fence before." The look on his face was priceless. Then, there was the tens unit. I am recovering from a broken arm. So, he ordered a tens unit to surprise me with. I've never laughed so hard. He sat there, looking at me, wondering what in the heck was so funny. I kept thinking, this is like a ClubDom script. Poor guy has no idea. It is quite a riot to be in a vanilla relationship.

So, how is it for you? Do you like the contrast? Need to session with someone in a place that is separate from your home life or, wish to live it 24/7? Do you enjoy shocking your vanilla partner?

Life is full surprises. Glad you found someone who makes you happy. I gotta ask are you ever going to tell your new guy about your past or just want to start over with him?

As for your question I prefer to keep my session separate from home life. I tried it with a lifestyle Domme once and it was too much about S&M and not enough about life.

That was a very amusing story. Thanks for sharing it with us.

Congratulations.

I should have clarified. He knows about my career and, Cheyenne life. He just doesn't have a concept of it. It is one thing to tell someone and, another for them to fully grasp it. Yes, I am with you on the separation thing. It worked best for me too. :-)

:-)

Thanks, Soapy.

Question: has he seen any videos of Cheyenne or Club Domme?

Also, I'm really happy for you! Having a partner to do things with makes them so much better. My deal with my wife is that when either of us goes, the surviving partner should find another love if possible; I want her to be happy and she wants the same for me. That's what love is.

You have a very good head on your shoulders, and this makes me reluctant to give unsolicited advice, but I think that what I have to say is important, so here it is.

I think you should never talk about this any more on this or any other forum, at least not for a few years. Just the act of confiding in a group where your husband does not belong can have a negative impact.

You found a happy equilibrium, so why not enjoy it? Changes at this early stage are risks. There is an expression in the game of bridge, you found a fit, why look for a misfit?

Any kind of relation where you both are happy is good. There is no inherent plus value in BDSM over vanilla or the reverse. If you migrate towards BDSM the vast difference in experience can affect your relation so you will have to tread very carefully.

You are in a delicate situation, but if anybody can pull it off it is you.

He's aware that I made videos but, no, he's never seen any. :-)