This is not an easy job. Not just because of everything you have to learn or acquire or manage, but because of the mores of the society in which we live and how they have affected the creation of laws and the enforcement of those laws. It's a consideration that those of us on the providing end think about regularly -- if not daily.

Offering BDSM/kink professionally involves navigating some choppy waters. While many of us have been doing what we do without incident for years -- if not decades -- there have been some arrests, prosecutions, and lawsuits relating to the practice of BDSM. This can create what is called "precedent", or a court decision used as an example or authority to help resolve subsequent cases which are similar in nature. Though rulings in our favor can offer potential help, they can only help if they're out there. And I don't think there's a lot of precedent out there.

While we tend to live in what one kink-friendly attorney called, "a culture of tolerance", which means that while some things may technically not be deemed "permissible", the laws around them are not really enforced. As a result, the unpredictability of this, mixed with a lack of precedent, means these waters are uncharted. So, if you want to explore these waters, it behooves you to understand what you might find in them.

People may not be aware of this but offering BDSM professionally is actually illegal in some places. New Jersey is one of them. This means that someone could conceivably be arrested for offering to tie you down and spank you for payment. (Wild, huh?) It means that advertising yourself as offering or looking for pro play would be a violation of the law.

In other places professional BDSM itself isn't illegal but certain activities might be. Do you have a fetish for strap-on play (aka "pegging") or forced "cock" sucking? Or do you have a fantasy of being Dominated by more than one person or being in a "forced bi" scene? That's hot and all, but in some jurisdictions those things could be construed as "prostitution" or "pimping", respectively.

"Is this truly risky?", you may ask. This is the nature of uncharted waters. We don't always know the level of risk we're taking. It's dependent on various factors -- some which we have control over and some that we don't.

This is one reason why you may see differences in how Dommes advertise themselves. Some don't advertise at all or don't talk about what they do or don't discuss payment. This can be because it's beyond Her comfort zone to be so open, whether it's for privacy reasons or legal ones.

If you're thinking, "If this is true, then why have I seen Dommes offer all these things?" Sometimes it's because the Domme honestly doesn't care and is willing to assume the risk, in other cases She doesn't know the law and the risk She's taking.

Whatever the reason for the Domme, it's in your best interest to learn the law in the area in which you play. This does not mean you have to give up on your kinky dreams. It just means you should be wise and pursue your passions carefully.

So, before sending a message to a Domme and asking, "Can you fuck me in the ass?" or "Can you pimp me out to your other clients?", know that it may be met with silence and ruin your chances of sessioning with Her. You may need to prove yourself trustworthy before some of these things are discussed -- if they ever will be at all.

I have included a few legal resources within the full article originally posted in my blog: BDSM and the Law