Mistress Ayn,
After reading your epiphany your second scenario reminded me my 4 first sessions with Mistress Ultra Violet (I realized now that I did wrong, but was my first experience ever with a ProDom). I realized by the 5th session that something was not right and changed my approach to the first scenario.
I gave MUV a list of things that I would like to try with her and since then our sessions have been getting better and better (I session with MUV on monthly basis)
So yeah, back to your point, a fetishist could be really selfish but a well seasoned ProDom can help him out to put off that selfishness and have session that can be great for both parties.