I am so nervous right now. I can't really remember the last time I was this nervous before meeting someone but I would say it was probably about a little over two years ago (although I don't think that reached this level).

The last time I played, I should have been much more scared/nervous that right now. I mean, that time I came into town for a day and was told not to get either a rental car or a hotel room but to just message once I landed and I would be given further instructions for the 27 hours of service that would make up the entire time I would be in town.

When you are talking about an incredibly creative Domme with a whole list of evil plans and Domme fantasies that she wishes to explore with you, that should be scary as fuck. You should be insanely nervous and shaking in your shoes when you try to text her to let her know you have landed. Instead, I had nerves of steel. I wasn't either scared or nervous, it was pure excitement... It was just "ok... hold on... this is gonna be a bumpy and very enjoyable ride".

This case is different, I have nerves of aluminum right now. All the nervousness is rattling around and making a cacophony of sound in my head. I am totally focused on all the things that can go wrong. Will I get enough sleep (if any) tonight. When should I eat? When should I "clean" myself? When should I take vitamins? Need to hydrate, but not so much that I need to go to the bathroom constantly. Will I get distracted and miss making the confirmation call? Will I be able to find a quiet place to make that call? Will I be able to get there on time... but not too early or even a minute late. Is there a public bathroom available around where the session is taking place so I can expel one last time beforehand? Will that end up making me late? Will the weather and the travel come together to make me a complete stinky mess even though I will take a shower only a couple of hours earlier? What if there is traffic or I get caught up in a work thing when I need to leave to head towards her? When I meet her, will I be able to even articulate properly, let alone go through my list of limits and medical concerns to look out for? Will I even get her name right or will the way I have been saying it in my head be the wrong pronunciation? ...and on... and on... and on... and on...

This has been going on since this afternoon. I am not actually afraid of what will actually happen in the session from an activity perspective, I totally trust the skills of the Domme. However, I am just nervous as hell about my own performance. I desperately want to impress her and to do everything perfectly for her. Instead of just wanting the experience of what is is like to serve her (which is my usual focus), I want to perform to the best of my abilities as a sub. I desperately want to connect and get the Yin/yang of Domme/sub space.

Usually, I am cocky as hell about my ability to perform and please a Domme but this time I feel like a geeky-ass teenager who is about to get up in front of the entire school to make a speech that will determine whether I will get into a decent college since it is being recorded and sent off as part of my application. This is so not normal and extremely uncomfortable for me, but also thrilling and exhilarating in a twistedly subbie way.

By this time tomorrow it will all be done and I will be on my way back home... maybe then I will be able to breathe again. I know this post should be a question to the board about whether you have nerves of steel or nerves of aluminum before a session and whether the Dommes ever get rattled like this (especially when they have done a lot of planning and really want things to go to plan), but really... I just don't care about your shit right now.

Asp