Hello luke and welcome to the forum. It's always great to get the perspective of the sub so I am glad you are participating.

I have always been a believer that BDSM can help you work through issues, especially if you go into the session with an "intention". you don't necessarily need to share that with the Domme to have it be effective. My belief is that a good BDSM session frees the conscious mind (or occupies it - depending on your perspective) and allows the non-conscious to work on issues that are more difficult if the conscious mind is in play. This is roughly the theory behind Ericksonian hypnosis and NLP. Now if Dommes could only start accepting insurance . . .

Regarding your opinion about not wanting to just go into a session with the attitude "dominate me", I would agree given your goals. If you session infrequently or are looking to work through something specific or just have been fantasizing about a specific scene, just letting things happen might not be your best bet. your idea of giving the Domme a theme or sharing a fantasy would certainly be fine with Me. On the other hand, I am just fine with a sub presenting himself with no agenda or preconceived ideas about how the session should go. Variety is the spice of life.

In the end, the Domme and sub create a feedback loop. You can't make one truly happy and satisfied without making the other truly happy and satisfied. People who want to go into session thinking it is all about them or all about the Domme are fundamentally wrong. It's about both of U/us.