Yesterday I received an application from a newbie. He chose his interests from mine as listed on the form. Everything seemed normal and we set an appointment for later in the week. This morning I receive an email from him canceling because he had watched some of my clips and said he didn't think he was up to it.

Of course I responded by saying that clips are not necessarily indicative of what an actual session is like. They tend to be extreme because that is what people that buy clips want. However, it made me ponder how often this happens - that a subs sees clips and is put off by the intensity of the scene. Usually I hear the opposite: "please wear the outfit you had on X clip" or "will you use the paddle you used in Y clip?", etc. but I'm curious - does this happen often with novices and they just don't tell us? Or was this a unique event ?

What's your opinion?

I've been put off by clips (and web sites, too). When I read a review of how good a mistress is at spanking, which is really my only interest, and I see a video of her wearing leather and beating someone tied over a piece of furniture, I stop thinking about going over her knee for my kind of session. Or when someone lists "domestic discipline" as a specialty and all of the photos on her web site are strictly dom-fetish, there's nothing that tells me that she is able and interested in doing what I want.

I'm not a good submissive - I don't like thinking about things I don't enjoy as limits, I want to explain what I want and ask if that will work. If all I see are photos and videos of the mistress as a traditional dominatrix with whips or huge paddles, that doesn't offer me any confidence that she'll wear a skirt and spank me over her knee with her hand.

I suspect that it's true that the videos most people want to buy are of things that they don't really want to do themselves. It's like "I'm kinky, but not THAT kinky." But if I'm booking a session, I want to know that I'm booking time with someone who isn't principally an actress.

I went a couple of rounds with Irene Boss about this on Max Fisch. She made it clear that videos (at least the good ones) are scripted and everybody knows what's going to happen. That's not to say that beatings in videos aren't real, but that it's not necessarily indicitive of a live session with a client. But if the prospective client doesn't know that, he could come to the conclusion that the mistress in the video is not right for him.

It's difficult to be in both businesses where one isn't necessarily intended as advertising for the other.

(later) - Just as a benchmark, I've sessioned with a few "spanking video stars" and have not been disappointed. I think that perhaps with the exception of Miss Chris, who I first discovered through a non-commercial video clip, all of my sessions with the stars have been the case where I heard about them before seeing a video, and seeing the video helped me to decide that I really wanted to see them and that it wsn't just a fantasy. Snow Mercy, Lily Starr, and Clare Fonda come to mind.

I do use videos as a reference, but it's usually the other way around. It's like, wow this Mistress is so cruel and sadistic, I want to session with her. Clips by Cheyenne, Le Monde, Mistrix, Bijou Steal have made me feel like I want to session with them if I could because they show an exceptional level of skills and sadistic pleasure. Even though I am not that hardcore, I know they would calibrate it to a suitable level down for me. But not all Mistresses can take me to my limits.

I have not seen many Mistresses' clips, including yours, so that's not to say the above mentioned are the only exceptional ones. The gist is that, videos are a good way for me to identify Mistresses I want to see. I think the same applies to Your subs whom want you to do or dress the same as in the clips.

But not all subs are the same, perhaps some are into sensual domination and may be scared off by more cruel videos. Whereas some subs are bored by sensual domination and want more hardcore action. videos are a good way to find out what a Domme can do, but that sub that cancelled on you, made the mistake of assuming it shows what a Domme cannot do.

seeing some of your clips listed on clips4sale made me more inclined to see you than less . . . cause I like the idea of dommes who will push limits . . . Now, a few years ago, when I was just beginning, I might have had an opposite reaction . . . If I felt that the session might get uncontrollably out of hand and if I were a newbie, I might have been afraid of the idea of seeing you.

Also, about scripting or not, one or more dommes makes it clear that her videos are produced from live and mostly unscripted sessions and one or more dommes claims the exact opposite . . . and I think they all have been telling the truth about their scripting or lack of it. I think it is ok to have both kinds of clips and some of the unscripted are even more interesting.

There are some clips in which we mostly knowing the ending, but we don't know the choices along the way and the reactions . . . I have watched ten times as many "mostly unscripted" scenes as I watch "known-to-be" scripted ones. "Mostly unscripted" might include the domme deciding how much to whip or cane . . . the person crying or begging for stopping or using a safeword to get out . . . or certain activities such as cum-eating or gs or . . .

Also, one nice thing that clips may show is what a domme is capable of and some of what she likes.

My comment is not about clips but about pix and descriptions on Mistresses sites. I was intrigued with a picture on a female fitness/bodybuilding site showed Goddess Vegas in a tight, light blue fitness outfit, showing her abs with the slacks that hugged her finely trained calves. When I read her restrictions and her emphasis on scissors and lift & carry I resisted contacting her for six months. Finally I did when she came to NYC and we talked. It turned out to be the most dominant Domina I have ever served. Wound up in deep, DEEP subspace doing things I never thought I would. You never know unless you communicate directly. Same was true with Empress Dominique who is one of the most gorgeous dominas I have ever served.

Thank you all for your feedback. I like to think that clips do more good than harm when helping a sub make a decision to book or pass. A static image can only show you so much. A Domme comes alive in her clips. You can see how she moves, how she laughs, what her voice sound like and so much more.

Ironically the sub that cancelled, emailed this morning saying wanted to reinstate his appointment, because it was all he could think about. I guess he got over how "extreme" I am.

I completely agree with you Mistress that a clip does give you a good hint about the Mistress. Glad he got back to you.

Nice that everything went fine at the end.

I think every newbie should be aware that clips and his session are totally different. One reason is that in most cases the filming slaves are experienced slaves (no one is born a "slave"). Second the intensity of the play can also be higher because often long-term or personal slaves are participating in the filming. This means the Mistress knows them and their reactions well, which helps her in more severe clips. Third every good Mistress will respects limits (although it can't be excluded that she will try to expand them if the limit applies to a activity she likes. But she will not go from 0 to 60 in the first session).

Yes . . . as a result of your sharing the story, I visited your clips4sale . . . and when I have some sufficient funds, I would be inclined to visit you, but that may be several years away . . . So, clips by themselves cause some people to wish to see you . . .

The funny question now is whether the clips will influence him in allowing you to be a little more extreme than he had expected before he saw the clips! At the beginning of some visit, you can scare him by telling him you love to push limits a little! But if it would scare him too badly, save the idea for a 4th or 5th visit!

Dear Mistress Ayn,

i think everyone seeks out a Dominatrix differently, for that first session, because different things both appeal and turn off the prospective sub. For me it has always been the writing first, appearance and demeanor second and by then the clips are sort of irrelevant. Hearing the clips does allow One to hear the Domme's voice in session and one can also detect if the session is being actively lead by the Domme or "phoned in" for lack of better words.

The more experienced a sub becomes through physically seeing and serving other Dommes, the better that they can assess the quality of the session as well as the persona of a New to them Domme . When i first came to see and serve You, there was no doubt that i was both nervous and hesitant. i had had some bad experiences in the past and You were i believe my only hope, and my last chance.

After 5 years of Service i now subscribe to Ayn Rules so i can hear Your voice and re=live scenes that We/we have experienced together. Thank You