Hello Everyone,
I noticed on another thread that in a Domme's world, a fetishist may be a less desirable client. Here is the sentence that caught my attention.


" I think our industry is largely fueled by fetishists. People wanting service tops. Instant gratification. And so those of us who don't allow ourselves to be objectified and instructed on how to do our jobs, who put the Dom in FemDom, who don't entertain ideas of being ready with an hour's notice are actually at a disadvantage, overall."


I replied as best I could and was asked to move my thoughts to a new thread....so here it is. Please understand Im not trying to be critical or argumentative...I just want to understand better.

I've thought of myself as a fetishist, so I'm wondering if that makes me a bad apple.

In my initial response I mentioned I session because it's fun, exciting and fulfilling. But once the exciting session is over, I go back to my everyday life. This is what I assume we all do.

I figure my kinks are mine and yours may be different, but yours are as integral to you as mine are to me........doesn't make anyone right or wrong.

After reading the less than stellar description the Domme gave about the fetishist....I felt she could substitute the word asshole with fetishist.

I don't want to be an asshole about this, but I would like to figure out if I am in fact the dreaded fetishist....or just a guy who loves putting life on a back shelf a couple of times year and sessioning with the Domme of my choice...I don't think Im the disrespectful guy she describes ..but her experience may say otherwise.

If you happen to know what category or grouping you fall into, please share what it is, and how you got there.

And once your session is over do you go back to life as usual or do you remain in your chosen persona.

Respectfully
The Driver

I’m not sure how to answer this. I mean what is a fetishist? Is it just someone with a fetish or someone who is only focused on that fetish to the exclusion of all else or something in between? I’ve seen or heard some Dommes say they don’t like fetishists because that’s all they care about and I can definitely understand that. On the other hand many people have a fetish but also many other session interests.

I’ve had a huge foot , high heel shoe and nude nylon fetish my whole life. It’s the root of all the crazy and perverse BDSM desires I have and this fetish is just as strong now as it ever was. However as I have aged I have evolved and changed. To my great regret I have to admit the fetish was so important to me when I was younger that I missed some great opportunities. I would be so upset if the Domme did not wear what I requested that my headspace was ruined or off the whole session. Now I am at the point where I will still ask someone to wear high heels if it’s the first time I’m seeing her but after that it’s much more about the person and her presence and our chemistry and relationship.

Really interesting thread. Glad this was posted. It’s a question I’ve pondered a lot.

I’ve been told on occasion I’m a fetishist because my interest range is pretty narrow. But my understanding of fetish is that it had to involve a focus/obsession with either an inanimate object or a body part. Is this a generally accepted definition?

If someone wants only limited activities but doesn’t have any real preference on any particular object or body part, is that a fetishist?

Lately, I answer the question of “are you a submissive, a fetishist, or …” with “I’m a masochist with strong submissive tendencies and a very narrow range of interests”. But that’s a long answer lol

Good topic to discuss.

My take / advice - don't over analyze these adjectives and meanings.

Be a good person in the community and scene - respect, consent, empathy, kindness, and communication will stand on its own and be the foundation for trust and depth.

All you can control is yourself. If there is a true connection, the other person will appreciate you for who you are, your attributes, and what you stand for.

We are all human, and we have different thoughts and feelings about ourselves and others. Nobody is perfect or ideal in the eyes of others, and to be honest - we are all have flaws in our character.

Celeste

Reading these thoughtful responses, I realize that I'm not a fetishist, since I like a variety of activities all springing from role play. I've been lucky to have good relationships as a regular with several Mistresses over the years. Some gently coaxed me into activities I never did before. At this point, with my one and only Mistress, while I may make a suggestion setting up an appointment she uses the "pallet" of activities we both like, so anticipation becomes overwhelming.

In the early days of this forum Mistress posted a very interesting thread on this topic.

http://domina.ms/~domroot/thebuzz/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=3082#Post3082

Just from the title I'd assume I'd be a fetishist due to my very strong attraction to fur coats and women wearing them. However, when I think about it,I also love leather wearing Dommes, bondage and discipline, as well as a variety of activities designed to demonstrate power exchange.

I'm not sure "sub" fits either as I prefer heavy bondage that allows me at least the illusion of being powerless and at the Domme"s mercy......and I certainly don't see myself as a slave,

Maybe "Bondage bottom/sensation and role player with a strong fur fetish"?

Pigeonholing people with a label is hard sometimes.

To answer the original question....

By definition, I an a bottom and fetishist. I have always been attracted to all things feminine, including myself. Celeste has been an evolution going further down the rabbit hole.

And SHE has led me down the rabbit hole. Without HER, I would not have done some of the actions that have occurred over time, specifically in regards to "forced bi" and TS play - including exhibitionism with humiliation and degradation. It has been great and no regrets - as a matter of fact, I am more at peace now with myself than I have ever been. My true colors are flying high. It is who I am at my core, and has been for MANY years - she brought it out. And I have my MISTRESS to thank for that. Truly a gem, and truly therapeutic, and living authentically. How cool is that?

And all of this was done with consent and regards to feelings and within legal boundaries (no monetary exchange for forced bi and TS play) for the interactions. I just wanted to be clear about that since this is a public forum.

Apologies for not answering the original question, and going off into left field on definitions and meanings. I hope this is beneficial to the topic.

If any other questions or comments, please feel free to reply or drop me a DM. SHE IS WONDERFUL!!!

Celeste