Hi All,

Just curious and no judgement either way, but I’ve always wondered if (and how) Dommes try out what they inflict on their subs. Either out of curiosity or to better understand the sensation, do you ever put yourself in the subs shoes? Doesn’t have to be submitting to another, but ever put on nipple clamps? Wear that gag for an hour? Carve up that ginger root and stick it somewhere naughty? Get a friend to give you the full experience?

Again, not suggesting anyone isn’t doing their jobs, genuinely just curious.

Years ago, when there were more dungeons that trained newbie Mistresses, I heard stories from some dominas and read on Max Fisch concerning this subject. Some ladies were trained to be Mistresses by being subs, or got into the scene as subs and became Mistresses. Those are the only "Trying it out" stories I've ever heard. It will be interesting to hear from Mistresses on this subject.

Interesting question, and a fair one. I start slow and work My way up, not just with each new tool - with each new subject.

For Me it has never been about replicating sensations - it’s more about understanding the human mind and the individuals responses to My actions.

Inflicting pain or applying restraint can be tools used to control, which is what I seek. My awareness of the impact comes from reading the sub. That’s the most important skill.

Have I tested limits, sensations, and equipment over the years? Of course. Any professional who doesn’t understand their tools is irresponsible. But submission itself isn’t something you “try on” like an accessory. It’s a mindset, not a checklist of sensations.

There are many men who don’t understand that consent needs to be enthusiastic and ongoing. Some even have this weird Fetisch of „doming the Dom“ - for Me that’s the most annoying, exhausting biggest turn-off possible.

Some Dommes explore from both sides, some don’t, neither approach determines competence. What matters is understanding consent and having emotional intelligence.

So no, I’ve never put on a gag, applied nipple clamps to Myself or shoved something I expect to be painful in My hoo-ha - I don’t need to be burned to know how fire works. I need to know when, why, and for whom to light a match.

I ask my more personal subs how things feel when I try out new positions etc on them. I communicate more when trying something new.

Certain items, especially electroplay items, I test on myself first.

Once I bought an electroplay item from a kink fair and tested it out on myself to see how intense it was. Luckily I did, because it was shit and left minor burns on my arm.

Some items I can confidently predict based on my experiences.

There are definitely regional and generational answers to this question for professionals.

On the West Coast in the 90s, the houses almost always had the women start out as submissive and work their way up. To be honest it is a great way to truly understand BDSM and work your way up. While I don't have issues with subing, I am very uncomfortable with not knowing how experienced someone is and if they take the top's responsibility seriously. I was not comfortable with money superseding responsibility. So I went for an apprenticeship in a collective dungeon, not a house. Yes, we all flogged each other and tied each other up, but it was more communal and under supervision.

In the 2000s in NYC, if you were hot and had a black dress they handed you a whip and tossed you in with a client. (Which is why I cleaned up when I arrived in 2002 already fully trained.) Subsequently, NYC has always had a "I was born dominant!" attitude.

I remember in 2007, Mistress Wynter taught a fire play class and I volunteered to try it out. Wynter knew what she was doing I wanted to experience being lit on fire before doing it to someone else. People in the class kept promising not to tell. I insisted I didn't give a flying F. I took the class to learn and I was going to get the most learning I could out of it.

I'm not sure how things are in the US at the moment, but here all classes pretty much require switching in order to learn a practice. Not only for the top to know, but also for the sub to appreciate the work a top has to do.

Having said that, I think I get the whole golden showers thing and really don't feel like being peed-on.

DominaM, your post mentions the types of recollections by a couple of Mistresses I knew in the late ‘90s when I returned to the scene in NYC, and posts I read. The Chelsea area was seemingly packed with dungeons. Your “if you were hot and had a black dress they handed you a whip and tossed you in with a client,” comment made me LOL! There seemed to be plenty of 20-something women in dungeon ads in that era who dressed as if they became Dominas by watching Madonna videos on MTV. (I usually preferred more mature Mistresses, in age and/or experience.)

Your post and others made me remember I was used to “try it out" as a sub to train possible Mistresses. The first was an hour session, and I said nothing while the Mistress taught the trainee, using me as “equipment” for want of a better word. The second half of my visit was me and the Mistress one on one, and she appreciated my efforts. A decade later the same Mistress asked me to go to her apartment a couple of times to help train a mature friend of hers to be a Mistress. The last time I was used in this way another Mistress asked before a session, “Can I bring in a girl to watch us in session? She wants to work here.” The trainee watched lasted for about half the session and left me with the Mistress one on one. The activities during all these training sessions were tame: spanking, light rope bondage, foot worship etc. Never knew if any of the ladies trained ever became Mistresses.

Thank you all for the open replies to the question…very interesting indeed and scratched my curious itch. Much appreciated!

I was in NYC in the that era, Domina M, and can conccur that there was a vibe of walking in the door as a dominant regardless of their background.

My experiences were from the other side, I was in a relationship with a submissive who tried out working as a domme. She would sit in on sessions with an experienced pro and try her hand at things. The stories she told me never seemed to light a fire and it didn't stick. She sounded a little bored with the dynamic.

I used to see Mistress Blake at The Dungeons of Mistress Elizabeth in Chelsea and we were fairly friendly. She "had a surprise" for me one day and brought in someone like my old relationship, a new girl who seemed very inexperienced. It felt like Blake and I were coaching her through the experience together and I look back on that session fondly. Like Blake trusted me, and I got to experience a FFm moment that brings back happy memories to this day.

Deaddie Mercury

Mistress Blake was one of the last great mistresses at Elizabeth's. I had some great sessions with her. My only similar story was at this old dungeon on the West Side, where Mistress Tanya asked if a new mistress could train by sitting in on our session. It was a young Mistress Shane, who went on to be quite well known. I remember at the end of the session, when Mistress Shane left, Mistress Tanya turning to me and saying, "She's the real deal."

I had a similar experience with Mistress Shane in the early 2000's. I believe it was at Elizabeth's. I picked her out of the line-ups that were prevalent in those days. I had no idea how good she would be; it was blind luck. No one told me she'd be great. I could tell.

I had another session with her after she moved back to the U.S when she visited Pittsburgh and Irene Boss's Compound. It was just as great.