I often see ads for bdsm themed parties and think in the back of my mind that it sounds like a fun experience. But then on second thought, I worry that I’ll run into someone I know or just be sitting in the corner without anyone to talk to (introvert by nature). What has been your experience with public play parties or even munches? Is there a good way to get introduced into what I’m guessing is a core group of participants? Thanks for any thoughts!

Parties are either public or private.

Public are a anyone-can-walk-in-and-join-in party and private are invite only.

Many people have concerns about running into someone they know. If this is a mortifying idea for you then I recommend going to a party outside or your area. Of course, they could be thinking the same thing.

Munches are social events which usually don't involve play. Some of them may have light, keep-your-clothes-mostly-on and no-sex play. They are best for people who want to get to know other kinky people, introduce yourself, and become familiar with others in your community and the goings-on in your area. It can help if you want to attend a particular party that requires vetting. Someone who attends the munch may know the person running the party and may vouch for you.

I have a lot of experience with play parties, both public and private. I offer clients the option for me to introduce them to both types, as people are often intimidated by them, and the idea of playing publicly, and it helps to go with someone who can guide and support you.

Several years ago I went to a foot party at the request (more like an order lol) of a Mistress I was seeing at the time. I was nervous beyond belief to walk in. Very afraid of being recognized. We did about 20 minutes of play - basically she ball busted me, made me kiss her feet, etc. I felt like everyone was staring but in reality most of the other subs there were just in their own head. The other Dommes there were definitely watching and cheering her on which I found to be super hot. After our play ended, I immediately bolted out of there! But once I was in the safety of my own car, I realized how exhilarating it was and I regretted leaving.

Since then, I’ve gone to a few fetish conventions, events and done some public play there. I absolutely love it. It lets me publicly live my fetish/kink but in a very safe space. I do find if you can have a Domme accompanying you, it changes everything. You go from creepy guy sitting in corner to coolest guy at the party.

I wouldn’t worry too much about being seen. Remember anyone you know who sees you there probably doesn’t want to be seen either! I do worry personally more about being filmed. Cell phones can be an issue and some folks just don’t respect privacy. But I just try to keep an eye out and I usually ask whomever I’m playing with to do the same.

I definitely recommend giving it a try. You are far more likely to regret not doing it than regret having done it.

Here's an ancient history story. First session 50 (!) yrs. ago. I was a horny college kid, 20, who saw a pic of a hot older woman and knew little or nothing about BDSM. Without revealing names the Mistress was late 40s or so, became a legend, she was my first. I called, said I wanted role play - shipwrecked sailor or a sub Tarzan. She said sure and I met her at her own small dungeon, worked alone except for a receptionist, who was a little older than the Mistress. Won't go into the activities but I was enthralled and she seemed to be impressed as she sent me to freshen up. As I got dressed in front of her and the receptionist, the Mistress said, "Do you want to go with me to a club? We could do the same scene in front of an audience." Immediately turned on yet scared - I had begun to have job interviews since I was a senior in college - I stammered, "I'll call you back."

I thought the place was Plato's Retreat, but that opened a couple of years later. I eventually said no, due to the fear of being outed. Looking back on it several times over the years as an older person I said, "Damn! I should have done that!" But, reason taking over, I was too young for all that.

Interestingly I knew the Mistress, off and on, for a long time, until the mid '90s. I trusted her and she seemed to like me. I was used at least three times to train novice Mistresses, so it was kind of public in a way. In the '80s she opened a much larger dungeon with weekly stage shows. While I didn't participate in that, when she stopped doing regular sessions the Mistress recommended me to novice Mistresses that she thought I would like - and would be safe for them to play with. The Mistress saw my exhibitionist streak and encouraged it. (But I'm very glad now I never went to public parties.)

This is a question Ive wrestled with for a long time. I had until recently generally avoided any sort of group activity, even declining invitations to do so, for the reasons you raise. One of the first Dommes I saw invited me to a Christmas party she hosted at Her home, and I essentially chickened out. In more recent years, with a lot more maturity and experience, I have come to be more rational about it. A few years ago, just coming out of the covid pandemic shut-in, I met up with a Domme and even before we played, She asked me to take her to a large public party at a bar; I did and just didn't worry and was fascinated and elated. She also hosted small parties at Her home and I attended for a few weeks. It did occur to me that there could be significant negative consequences for me professionally but I had developed some degree of trust in this Domme to look out for me. And that is the key, I think. My Owner now (who is in another city) is one in whom i have developed a great deal of trust and She has introduced me to small group parties in which I feel perfectly safe, because of the trust I have in Her.

So I think for me me that is the key. If there is someone, could be a Domme who brings you or even the host of the event, in whom you have a feeling of trust and confidence, then its a very different feeling. And group events can become really great opportunities to meet and interact with, and perhaps play with, interesting people.

(And yes, I would probably avoid for myself anything public or quasi-public in my home area unless and except my Owner or someone She trusts were to assure me it was a culture that would respect privacy.)