Ah - so now you have an idea!



In case this has crossed anyone's mind, my comment isn't ageist. It's about life experience. That having perhaps more weight than how new someone is. When you've lived long enough you understand that life tends to reflect what you put into it. Well, for emotional adults anyway.



More prominent where? The UK?



This is one thing I tend to think might divide the Alpha Dommes from the Dommes: Alphas like to do things ourselves. It never occurs to me to ask a sub to clean my car for me. Why? By the time I explain it to them I could have done it myself, and probably done a better job.

Also, I don't have some group of lifestyle subs ready for that kind of thing anyway. Likely because of the same reason why I don't ask subs to do things for me in the first place.

ANYWAY, FinDom: Largely not Domination. Mostly fetishistic fantasies for random people who heard they could play "princess" and get paid for it. (trying to stay on topic)

Well, it's not like I am totally ignorant of it. The only Domme I have dated (non-exclusively as I am poly in my relationships, even D/s) came from the Fin rather than Pro side. I remember laying in bed with her one evening and literally saw her make about 1k while we watched a Harry Potter movie marathon on TBS by just messaging a little (no call or cam, just texting). Guy (from England) just randomly contacted her & started sending (she was relatively prominent in the findom world at the time but retired in the late 2010s because of burnout).

He literally blew his wad (of money) & then never contacted her again (which is exactly what she predicted would happen during his binge). The whole thing didn't phase her & she told me that every couple of months some random finsub would binge like that & then disappear. But, I had no involvement in it (other than being called her Alpha in one taunting message) so I didn't "feel" his need the way that I did with that friend a few months ago.

I also once had a session with a Domme who truly had a financial kink. We were talking after the session & she literally told me that she would charge me less or even nothing if I was willing to beg & offer her money to be allowed to do certain things during the session (with the unsaid understanding that the finances would still end up being the same). She just got off on driving a guy so insane he would do that (it was way too close to topping from the bottom for me).

However that conversation did give me a different view of financial fetishists & the power dynamics involved. Which is why I use the findumb term to refer specifically to the subject of this thread. I always want to separate the valid kink, and even those who are just as real within it as a Spanker or Rope Domme are in their subculture, from the mean girls / sugar babies who call themselves Dommes online.



That's my understanding from both the woman I dated & from the Domme I had in London for several years. I spoke about that incident with her at one point & she told me financial Domination was a huge thing over there and much bigger in the BDSM world than here in the US (this was pre-2020). Those experiences/conversations are anecdotal rather than being truly evidence based but they both told me the same thing like they were schooling my ignorant ass about a fact rather than it just being an opinion they both held. Although I hesitate to generalize to all of the UK because my conversations were specifically about England. Its sort of how Rubber/Latex is also a much bigger part of the kink world in the UK & Germany than the US... different regions just seem to have certain fetishes more prominently (I don't even want to know half of what goes on in Japan).


That's actually true of most Pro Dommes I know & do serve in those capacities, Alpha or not. As you well know, most clients aren't actually subs & may even intentionally screw something up for the added attention (which disgusts me but I've seen it). Even the ones who "get it" (pro or lifestyle) are not perfect when performing tasks (myself included) so for those, like yourself, who are so particular about the way they like things it rarely seems to work. In my experience there are Dommes, even Alphas, who are laid back about certain things so they are just happy not to have to do a particular chore themselves & it absolutely works when they find "a good one" but that ain't easy.

I made that joke because I have been behind the scenes enough to know how annoying it is when others make that statement to Dommes for the specific reason you said, in a lot of cases its easier to just do it yourself. Going back to the subject, its also part of why non-findumbs tend to do financial stuff (imo). Its so much easier on a Domme to say "go to this wishlist and buy this thing I have already specified if you want to help me" than the work & stress it takes to give them a real-life task.

I had this happen with a finsub I played with a long time ago. It was all through email. It escalated to my asking for 1K, he sent, and then disappeared.



I've done some of this with select clients but without reducing tribute.



I appreciate you having an experience that gave you this insight. Many people's exposure to this is from "FinDumbs". And because those types are more FinDomme.exe rather than having a real understanding about what they're doing that people dismiss the fetish as not real -- even exploitative, abusive -- instead of the people performing it.



"sugar babies" I think you're right and that this applies to some of them. Some of the others probably aren't really mean. They just perform mean because they think that's all they have to do to make some money. That's it. Be mean, get paid. Never ending supply of cash. And it's both sad and a little funny to see when some of them realize it's not as easy as the influencer or whoever said it was.

I remember reading some tweets a while ago from one who was "crying" about how she didn't have money for rent or something. I remember thinking that based on her bio and other tweets it was completely off brand and would pretty much destroy any credibility she had to be confessing how poor she, a "FinDomme", was.



This makes me wonder: what are we, in the US, known for?



This is good to hear because I often can't tell. I read about Dommes asking subs to do stuff for them and sometimes I just don't get it!



Yeah, can't stand this. Especially if it's a hard limit.



Here's the thing: I'm open to having someone do things for me. But it needs to be things I don't enjoy doing. And I need to know you will excel at it. No games. Just deliver, correctly. I don't have a lot of patience for sloppiness, hints of apathy, or being manipulated when given a task. Why are you wasting my time?



...that, like you said, some "subs" intentionally screw up to get "punished". "Go buy X" has much less room for that.

I would like to interject here that "Service Top" has a bad reputation. I absolutely identify as a Service Top as a part of being a professional. I provide a service for a price, but that doesn't mean I "do as I am told" or lack boundaries. I truly enjoy being a part of a person's self discovery further into kink.

Categories can be interesting and useful as one cannot be all things at all times and there are different mind sets, but they can break down quickly if put under too much scrutiny. For the most part, I agree with your observations, but would be careful with them as a "hierarchy."