An honest question for people who want to meet up and have a good experience, for a moment or a long time: How are the "scams" hurting this?

Please refrain from "Dommes be like. . ." or "Clients be like . . ." We all want the same thing: For us to be matched well and have a wonderful time in the dungeon. I provide a price to have such an experience, and you accept it or not.

The problem arises from people stealing pictures and then dommes having to prove themselves. Some dommes overextend themselves and are unable to fulfill obligations. The problem is also with the internet; anyone in their mother's basement can harass dominas worldwide.

Here we are.

What scams have you seen and avoided? What scams did you fall for, and now you are afraid?

For me, I have owned Domina.com for over 20 years. I have had my Twitter account for 15 years. I have used a vanilla payment processor for 5 years with no charge-backs. How can I present that so people trust me? I feel we are not trusting each other when everything about BDSM is about trust.

Tell me. What are the scams out there and how can we connect better?

This is a great question and one that I think everyone who has been involved in this world thinks about. My personal experience has included a few scams. The one that was the most involved was a provider contacted through AdultWork who offered a discount for pre-payment on a session; all the communication was through the app messaging. It was only after I sent a funds transfer for one hour at the discounted rate and she then proposed another deal, an up-sell of an even longer session at an even lower hourly rate that I became suspicious. From there, I realized the photos were clearly photoshopped and I reported the profile and blocked the account. Lesson: dont use a site like that. Or only contact through a personally dedicated site that provides a direct email or phone.

A better rule of thumb, I think, is to only seek to see a Domme who requires references or other verification. No one looking to pull of a quick smash-and-grab scam would go to the bother of references or verification, because the time it takes to arrange actually prevents heat-of-the-moment mistakes such as the one I described above.

Finally, I once encountered a more elaborate scam for which I did not fall. I responded actually to a vanilla profile on a dating site (I dont recall which) and the scammer not only responded at length but even paid a small bit to send me a virtual gift (an upsell on the site). I dont know if there was something I said or it was the scam all along but the scammer then expressed interest in D/s. The messaging became explicit including exchange of photos and audio files. After probably two weeks of this, the scammer wrote that "she" would be visiting my city (not unusual; its a bit city that attracts a lot of travelers). I proposed a dinner date and the scammer agreed but suggested also I book a space for a play time. Then directed me to a website advertising a private home full of equipped rooms of all sorts for rental. The rates were high but not outrageous and the location was at least plausible. But I had never heard of it and looked into it. I quickly discovered that photos were all pilfered from other places and the kicker was that the site was registered to someone by the poetic name of "Silva Camero."

Because the site was registered in another state, I reported it to the FCC! I went back a few weeks later to see and it was down.

Astonishing amount of effort had gone into the lure and the actual ask was for a relatively modest amount; moreover the payoff was so attenuated that I actually think it wasnt so much a monetary scam as someone with a particularly unique fetish of online trickery...

It takes all types to make the world go round.

Be safe,

Most of the scams I’ve seen haven’t been overly sophisticated. I just cleared out about 50 message requests on X from Dommes who were proactively reaching out to me to see if I’d be their personal slave, imagine that.

I stopped using Eros after they stopped allowing website links and dropped the BDSM section. It just seems like a scammers paradise these days.

I always look at Twitter history, website, and OF/LF sites. I tend to “stalk” for a while before I reach out. If they are on SP or NF, I often try to do some text exchanges or a call to feel them out.

In my 20 years, I’ve only lost one deposit and that wasn’t a scam per se, just a rather unscrupulous Domme. I do think the scams are getting more sophisticated though and likely to get worse.

My other words of wisdom to subs, is it’s ok to search for Dommes when your horny, but don’t book or reach out. I’ve avoided a few bad decisions that way lol

I also personally try to accept that sometimes I roll the dice with a less established Domme and I’m taking on some risk. In my old age I mostly play with Dommes I know or reach out to well established ones - like someday going to Paris to get kicked in the balls by Domina M.

I have good street sense, and am not easily scammed or fooled.

A good tip - be the initiator. If someone is contacting you, it could be a scam. However, if you are in control and initiate the contact with a reputable professional, the odds of being scammed are near zero.

Do your research. Its not difficult to figure out who is legit by researching social media, web pages, chat board reviews, etc.

I have been in professional scene for almost 25 years, and I have never been scammed - or even close to it. I would like to think my intuition and actions are a reason for this.

One final piece of advise - think with you big head, not your little head. The little head gets ALOT of people in trouble! Thats why sometimes it is best to lock that little prick away, and give the key to a reputable and professional and fun professional domme! They will take it from there - you don't even need to worry about anything. It is a great feeling being "in good hands".

Celeste

A fake dungeon rental? That is WILD! They are everywhere.



I would fail this test. You really can just go to my site, see my schedule, pick a time, and with a 20% deposit done through the app, that appointment is yours. Sure, I was nervous when I launched it years ago, but (knocks wood) it's not a problem at all.

As a side note, when some were reluctant to give me a deposit, I did ask for a reference. O. M. G. It was like I asked them to stab their mother or something. I kind of feel, at times, that not wanting to pay 70€ for a deposit is more about wanting to push boundaries.

I get those messages on socials as well. A lot of times they are bots. Who has time to reach out to randos?

I appreciate being "stalked." I put a lot of information out there, hoping to meet those with like minds. If someone is looking for that ruthless "queen of mean" type, they would be disappointed in me. I can be plenty strict without being mean. I will happily kick your balls and enjoy the heck out of it as well.

Unfortunately, I cannot make the whole world do their research.

I find I talk people down--a lot. "I get how you think a 10-hour pegging session would be hot, but maybe we start at an hour or an hour and a half?"

As a Domme, I've actually been through scammish behavior a couple of times in this industry. I'll name my big two.

Eros scammed me out of $80ish. Made me pay for an AD first but wouldn't post it. Wouldn't tell me why they wouldnt post it (breaks tos), and wouldn't refund my money. They got annoyed at me at one point for asking for a refund and gave me even more hoops to jump through (I had to re-reverify myself, etc etc). Absolute scumbags. My ad never went up and I never got a refund.

I also had a regular scam me ON NEW YEARS DAY. Asked to pay electronically, then sent a screenshot of the payment but called the company after to cancel the transaction. I've seen him plenty of times before so I trusted him. Apparently he was going to move so he figured he'd screw me over since he was never going to see me again. Going to keep this story vague, but I made him give me the money owed a couple weeks later when he recontacted me and pissed me off.

This last interaction really messed me up, and made it much harder for me to trust others. I went out of my way to give him an amazing New Years and he betrayed my trust. Insane. I was so good to that person too.

That is so messed up. I would hate to think that someone I know and see regularly would so deliberately cheat me.

In my experience over the years, but not in this century, the days of responding to print ads of independent Mistresses, I had three appointments with ladies who either who misrepresented themselves, or were obviously high, or both. In two cases I politely and quickly excused myself, leaving a tribute behind, not so much out of politeness, but to avoid a possible confrontation.

With the third case it was obvious the lady misrepresented herself in her ad. I found out when meeting her she was a former athlete/model from Europe, who was then an interpreter with the U.N. But the grainy picture she used looked like she was in her early 40s, my age then. The picture had to be from 20 or so years before. At first glance you could see that she was probably very alluring years before, and she was quite charming, so I didn't drop the tribute and leave. Instead I decided to at least sit down and chat with her. When she was ready to start the session - her being the Amazon capturing Tarzan - instead of leaving I suggested we do a "next door neighbor" scene, a seduction or peeping tom deal.

I remember a hand spanking, and a bit of seductive teasing was involved. She was pleased at the end and gave me a big hug when I left and I felt better about myself on the drive home.