I completely agree with all your points about how doing TPE makes sessions so much better over time with Dommes that learn who you are and how you react in a play context.

The only thing I don't agree with you on is that this can only occur as part of a dedicated long-term relationship, as I have this exact dynamic with multiple Dommes to whom I visit but am not dedicated.

I see your point and agree. It can happen.

When I first began, everything was new to me, so other than outlining some limits, I didn't have much to offer. These days, since my sessioning is far more sporadic, and my urge more pent-up, I tend to want to have a memorable theme. I try to take some time daydreaming about it for a few weeks to figure it out. Mind you, it's not a "script", per se, but a concept that I think will set the stage for a nice interaction - and one that will have some basis in reality.

Two such sessions I've had over the last several years were:

1) I was in a very frustrating and stressful personal situation and I realized I was probably partially at fault, but I was having trouble with forgiveness. I asked for a quasi-religious session in which I would be judged, put into situations in which I had to beg for mercy and forgiveness, and see what it's like to be denied. We didn't quite stick to that concept, but it did set a good tone, and the session was very therapeutic and memorable. Hmmm...I might need another one before the year is out.

2) I was struggling with some potential fidelity issues, so (ironically) I decided to session. However, the theme was what I like to call Purgatory...there was a domme and a sub, and while the sub tempted me, the domme would punish me. They totally put me through the ringer. The funniest part was that the sub was too damned good at her job. She somehow paced things so that they escalated throughout the session. Every time I would look away and then look back, she was doing something even worse. At a certain point I was so turned on, I pretty much told the domme, "I don't care...she's worth it!" That was a mistake, and I lost the test of wills. From that point forward, I tried to avert my eyes, but the domme made me look. And then, the sub would do things...NASTY things that made my jaw drop, out of view of the domme. By the time it was over, I was begging and pleading and tattling on the sub, to no avail. It was my fault, and I was the one who had to pay. That session wasn't even terribly long, but it was totally epic!

So yeah, I think a good theme or concept can be lots of fun for both parties, and in each of these cases, the parties and I had never before met. I really don't want to show up anymore and just ask "please dominate me". That's like going up to a comedian and saying "make me laugh". Many prodommes can actually make great things happen with a blank canvas, but I would think it's nice for the bottom to bring *something* to the table for them to work with. I still fantasize about interrogation, but between my wack-ass pain tolerance, and how to make it vaguely realistic, I have yet to see how that would work.

Luke,

Thanks a lot for your reply. I definitely appreciate your approach to things, especially the way you can build up the anticipation for weeks between sessions like that. I think everyone finds their groove and it definitely sounds like you found yours in a way that Dommes can appreciate. It is scenario based role-play but is very much a real interaction within that scenario rather than it being totally made up or scripted. The second session you described definitely sounds very hot to me as well.

I also agree that a totally blank canvas for a first session can be a little broad and overwhelming for many Dommes (although I had one that insisted on it and it made me a little nervous but I had an amazing time). I do provide information about what kind of attitude I respond to as well as an extremely detailed list of activities and how I feel about them. This allows them to develop a game plan in the same way as your pre-session interaction (albeit without the theme that you enjoy but that I wouldn't). The one thing this definitely doesn't allow for is your second scenario where a second person is involved because that does require a specific request and additional funding.

Hello luke and welcome to the forum. It's always great to get the perspective of the sub so I am glad you are participating.

I have always been a believer that BDSM can help you work through issues, especially if you go into the session with an "intention". you don't necessarily need to share that with the Domme to have it be effective. My belief is that a good BDSM session frees the conscious mind (or occupies it - depending on your perspective) and allows the non-conscious to work on issues that are more difficult if the conscious mind is in play. This is roughly the theory behind Ericksonian hypnosis and NLP. Now if Dommes could only start accepting insurance . . .

Regarding your opinion about not wanting to just go into a session with the attitude "dominate me", I would agree given your goals. If you session infrequently or are looking to work through something specific or just have been fantasizing about a specific scene, just letting things happen might not be your best bet. your idea of giving the Domme a theme or sharing a fantasy would certainly be fine with Me. On the other hand, I am just fine with a sub presenting himself with no agenda or preconceived ideas about how the session should go. Variety is the spice of life.

In the end, the Domme and sub create a feedback loop. You can't make one truly happy and satisfied without making the other truly happy and satisfied. People who want to go into session thinking it is all about them or all about the Domme are fundamentally wrong. It's about both of U/us.

Thanks Mistress Ayn. Your reputation precedes you, and your thoughtful response bears that out.

Personally, I think "blank canvas" is perfect for newbies who might benefit from exposure to experience a breadth of activities before they rule anything out. That happened to me, and had it been more narrow, I would have really missed out.

I also think it's superb for non-newbies - especially when you already have a relationship or strong sense of who the domme is. There are only two dommes who I could comfortably tell "Have your way. You know me, and I trust you." And that is truly a special relationship.

So, I defintely see value in open-ended sessions, and I'm sure (from experience) that this can be a great approach.

Crap like today's daydream is a perfect example of why I need therapy (via a session!)

Let me tell ya from experience... great sessions don't help with that. Instead, they make you have incidents like today even more often.

Well, if I keep trying the wrong thing over and over again, it will eventually succeed, right?