Note: This post is not about just doing client sessions & fantasy play but rather real service to a Domme that extends beyond just pleasing my crotch.

__________

D/s is naturally difficult on the subs & you just don't even realize how emotionally abusive it can be, even in good relationships, until you come across Dommes that truly appreciate your service and let you know it.

I have long term (decades long in some cases) uncollared relationships with several Professionals that extend beyond the dungeon walls. Some of them use that control to manipulate / abuse my service for their exclusive benefit in a way that I submit to & accept as part of that relationship. Don't get me wrong, I am not perfect. I benefit from these relationships & in some ways I do the same by taking up their time (that I don't pay for) or pay "under market" rates for sessions or we go beyond the contracted session times when we play.

However, sometimes I actually get put in positions of trust by amazing women & can feel their deep appreciation of my service, & genuine affection for me, in a way that is different... and it's just really nice to feel that. So, I am just here saying to the Dommes that have special subs who actually serve them well (rather than being a burden as many of us sometimes are) to take the time to let those subs know what their service means to you. From my perspective, it means so much to actually hear those words & know how much our sacrifices are actually appreciated beyond just a "thank you" when an assigned task is completed.

I have been very lucky in that regard. The Mistress I exclusively serve now I have sessioned with off and on since the late '90s. The only breaks were when she moved out of state for a time, and when either she or I dropped out of the scene for awhile.

I've been an advisor with her vanilla business and done a variety of errands and jobs for her over the years. In tough times she has confided in me, and I have with her. The Mistress is now under-the-radar and centers on Her vanilla career. I have been given "privileges" as she calls it, with below market rates for sessions that go beyond the scheduled time; allowing me to play in her home on occasion; and suggesting or agreeing to play in some interesting outdoor venues. She has slowly coaxed me into activities I would never do with any other dominatrix, because of the mutual trust and understanding we have for each other. We know what each other likes, and we respect limits.

This is not a romantic situation. I have become a valued client and friend. Her vanilla business is growing and I see a time, maybe soon, when she may move on. If she does I will retire from the scene. For me that might be sooner that I expect, since while I'm in good health, I have reached a certain age where anything can happen.

In the meantime AspX, "It's nice to be appreciated."

That's wonderful & I have several similar situations with different Dommes where I know I am appreciated in the way you are. My point is that almost all of the time, that appreciation is unspoken and inferred rather than explicitly expressed to me by the Domme.

But, one of my Dommes (the one I am currently visiting and staying with) took the time to sit me down & tell me how much my service meant to her, it filled me with a deep and satisying emotion that is hard to describe. Subs tend to express that (sometimes too often) but because we all live & react in the moment, sometimes that goes unexpressed from the Domme's side. So I wanted to make this post to just put the thought into people's heads to actually take a step back and communicate that to those subs they do care deeply about.

Hi ASPX:

Service oriented submission is definitely part of the whole submissive head space for me. Like you, I enjoy being of genuine service to a dominant woman. Kind words of appreciation from a Mistress I adore make me genuinely happy and are always deeply appreciated. I've been the personal slave to a prodomme, as you know, and am grateful for that experience. Every relationship I've had with a Mistress, even if I wasn't officially her "personal," has contained some element of service oriented submission. Thanks for posting this. I can definitely relate.

OK, let's stop right here.

"emotionally abusive"?

How? Why?




I totally agree that Dommes should take the time to let their subs know what their service means to them. Really, it should go without saying!

I'm dismayed to read that you seem to have had experiences in which your service was not appreciated.

I want to say to you subs, who do offer or want to offer lifestyle service to a Domme: A BDSM (or "BDSM") "D/s" relationship doesn't give the D permission to abuse you. That is not how it works. D/s isn't inherently sadistic.

your service should never be "abused", unless that has been negotiated as part of a scene. In lifestyle? No.

A lifestyle D/s relationship uses the same rules as a non-BDSM relationship. If you're being treated like shit you need to remove yourself from it.