I started doing sessions again 2 years ago. I am a veteran of the professional scene for a couple decades and have been very blessed to have been bleesed to have been able to meet some infamous Dommes and made incredlbe connections. The kind of connections that made me start thinking about the next session the minute our session was over.

Over the last two years I did 8 sessions. Each session was at least 90 minutes to 2 hours. I vetted every Domme I met via their website and social media and even paid for phone a phone consultation ( which I feel is wrong on so many levels). These women were skilled and trained supposely by some the best Dommes around. I probably spent $7500 to $8500 with phone consultantions, session fees, gifts/tips. All this and no chemistry and I will not rebook. My kink is strong but professional scene is not.

I think this is real problem for the Dommes also becuase I see so many traveling to other cities to find clients. Back in the day this hardly ever happen. Everyone will say inflation but today's Dommes have many more ways of making $$$ then Dommes of yester year like clip stores etc.

It sounds like you had a lot of disappointing experiences. I'm sorry to hear that. I honestly feel badly for clients/subs who have a series of bad experiences. Because it's a lot of money to spend on lackluster sessions.

If you've been doing with for 20 years I'm going to assume you know how to figure out who might be a good match for you, how to consider how a Domme presents herself, how to do research and look for testimonials or referrals. So, assuming you did this...I don't know why you've had so many duds in a row. I don't know if these were all younger and/or inexperienced Dommes or all trained by the same one or two people, or what.

Just looking at the pro scene, like any other profession, if you think about statistics then imagine a Bell curve. You can assume that most people in that profession are average, with some on the left side of the curve who are not very good and a smaller number who are just awful; and inversely on the right side, some who are great, with a smaller number who are outstanding. Once you realize this, you then have to overlap what you're looking for among these numbers, how fussy/picky/specific you are about the Domme as a whole, and find out who the above average are and if you're willing to travel and pay for to see them (as none of those who are a truly good match for you may be in your area).

I know you're discouraged, I would be, too, but I'm sure there are Dommes out there who I bet you'd have chemistry with.

Eight lackluster scenes is a row is wild to imagine, especially when you take the time to have a phone consultation to check for chemistry. That is crazy unlucky and I'm sorry to hear that. Kink should always be enjoyable.

Honestly, if I were you (and I'm not) I'd consider taking a short break. After that many bad scenes I'd be "tilted".

(For those that aren't familiar with the odd term: Tilt in gaming refers to a state of emotional frustration or mental confusion that negatively impacts a player's performance, often caused by a series of losses or perceived unfair events, leading to poor decision-making and suboptimal play.) Although it's a gaming term I think it can be said in kink too. If you've had so little success recently, you're likely to be tilted and it might negatively affect your future scenes.


Also, although it is very possible you really just have been having bad luck, I'd also consider reflecting and seeing if you were getting into your own head too. I've head of this happening to some submissives and it's worth thinking about.

Wishing you well on your future kink journeys.

Hello there PainSlut,

Sorry to hear about your experiences. It does sound like you did everything right. Can you elaborate more about the lack of chemistry? Sometimes, there just isn't any chemistry, but that's a lot of sessions to go without.

Ha, isn't this ironic?

I have sessioned with 8 professionals spanning over 20 years, and my experiences have been the complete opposite. All 8 were fantastic. I found each to be unique, skilled, sexy, fun, creative, engaged, and dominant. Of the 8, three have "stood out" and long standing, repetitive, and exclusivity sessions resulted. To Tissa's point, its a bell curve - and I have been on the right side of the curve, and in three cases to the extreme right side. So fortunate and thankful.

My opinion - the vetting process is important. Do your research. Follow their social media accounts to get insights and perspective. Don't impulse session. This goes a far way to insuring a successful session and match.

Also, perform a self assessment. My opinion - if you are 0-8, it might be you, not the dommes. Set realistic goals on expectations and session deliverables. Its a profession, not a lifestyle - don't expect such. This had to be said. I'm not being confrontational towards Painslut. Just some honest advise to help him out.

Have fun, and Happy Thanksgiving!

Celeste

Agree with Domina M here. Defining chemistry a bit more would be helpful.

Personally I find chemistry very hard to predict until I’ve actually sessioned with someone and not always correlated with experience. I’ve sessioned with very experienced Dommes who I’ve just not “clicked with” and on the other hand I have had amazing rapport with some fairly junior Dommes.

In my experience though downright BAD sessions are rare though they do happen. 8 in a row of awful sessions seems odd, 8 in a row with limited chemistry definitely seems possible. It’s a bit like dating, I can go on 8 dates and not feel a strong connection but it doesn’t mean they were all bad dates.

I think the bell curve comment that was made earlier is spot on. Of all the Dommes I’ve seen over the years, maybe 10% I had extraordinary chemistry with, 10% were just a terrible match, and 80% were fun sessions without any amazing connection.

Weirdly, in all my years & hundreds of sessions/experiences I've only actually had one truly bad session & it was totally a chemistry thing.

But, I've actually only seen one new person since 2020 & everything really changed during covid in ways that have driven that. Just really don't like the findumb attitudes that have taken over the younger generation & no matter how physically attractive they are, their Domme personalities (as least publicly) leave me feeling cold. For that reason I don't doubt the problems we are talking about here.

One thing about chemistry that imo needs to be mentioned is that often times it grows with each subsequent session and that first sessions are often good but not great and that the Domme/sub relationship evolves for the better the more you get to know each other.

Mistress Tissa

Thank you for you welcoming response. They weren't all bad but they were all disappointing. I would say 3 of the 8 should have never booked the session because after phone consultation we had an understanding of the session I was seeking however at time of the session the scene missed completely. I did ask each Mistress after the session what happened and the excuse was very good. I will preface this by I am a masochist with a leather fetish and can play rough. 2 of the 8 had less than 2 years professional experience but were trained by a well known Doome and did not expect them be hardcore but they ran late and shortened me on session time.

On a huge postive note I would like to give a huge shout out to I think someone you may know who I would run to see if I was not so far away.

Lady Rough @ladyroughe
www.ladyloughelove.com

Over the holidsy weekend I saw her tweet thst she was offering discount sessions. I thought this was an such an incredible kind gesture. I have seen her do thid before. I wish I was closer to take advantage. I plan to support her by buying some her clips or sending her giftcard.

The game has changed.......I would say from 2005-2018 it was money. IMHO with todays rates it hurts too much to not have a great session.