Hi. I've been in the D/s scene and lifestyle for 40 years. I'm recently single after a 23 year marriage.

What sites are good for one wanting to meet someone for a potential relationship? It's been a really long time for me...is alt.com still worthwhile? Collarme.com? Fetlife doesn't seem to be geared towards direct connections, or am I wrong?

Any advice would be appreciated.

Posts like this get put up on Fetlife regularly. The usual (best) answer is to attend local events. Hopefully there are meetups or munches near you. Fetlife is the best place to find them.

Unfortunately I have a VERY public and sensative position and must be very discreet. Public events are just not an option.

I would still go with FetLife and start chatting in groups. Don't necessarily focus on asking how to find a partner; just be social and see who you get along with. You will have to work at it. In-person munches are the best, but they still require a lot of work. Finding people you click within groups will take even more work.

Feeld is okay, but like Alt.com and Collarme.com the only women I know of on there are professionals too cheap to pay for adverts/websites. (I personally find that distasteful and deceitful, but I live on my high horse.)

I hear you. I used to go to munches. Until, just after I entered at one, I saw my boss from work there. I made a quick exit.

lol

Sounds like it would have made a great scene for a movie.

Reminds me of an incident with my first Mistress, the legendary Belle De Jour of NYC. I was 20, in college during the '70s. After our first session she wanted me to go to a club in Manhattan (Maybe Plato's Retreat?) and recreate our Jungle Queen / captured shipwreaked sailor scene for public consumption. I had no money, looking for a full time job after college, so I backed out of it thinking I might see someone there I interviewed with. In the '80s Belle had live BDSM shows at one of her dungeons. Those were the days... Good luck!

Personally I wouldn’t rule out the vanilla dating sites. Just don’t lead with anything kink related. If you meet someone and are clicking then after a date or two introduce the topic.

Depending on your interests, kink isn’t as off limits as it used to be imo.

FetLife is not designed to be a dating site and that's why you can't search for 18 year old women who are looking for a Daddy Dom or whatever. Here, you have the best odds that you're dealing with someone who is kinky.

If you want to increase the odds that you are dealing with someone who wants a relationship I would say you can try most dating sites, like Match.com and the like.