Some years ago on New Years Day I was sitting next to my wife and received a text from a Domme that sent shivers through me. I was a regular of hers and we sometimes did things outside of session. She knew me very well and was truly a great Domme. The text said something like “Everything changes today. You are to supply the dungeon with fresh flowers twice a week and pay for my coffee “ I sat there kind of stunned and excited. I wanted to do this but at the same time I was thinking how in the hell am I going to be able to do this? My wife and I spend a lot of time together and I just can’t go out without her asking where I am going. I think later that week I was free at night and text the Domme that I wanted to bring flowers over to the dungeon but she replied back that it wasn’t a good time and I definitely realized at that point this was not going to be possible. I was worried that she would be angry with me and not want to see me anymore and I didn’t know what to do. Finally a couple months later I was out near her space waiting on a car repair and I text her and she told me to stop by. She told me everything was fine with us and that she just wanted to give me a chance to start at this to see if I could do it which wasn’t going to be possible for me and we resumed just regular sessions.

My post here is to ask Dommes and subs on this board how common is it that personal subs are married and how do they do it? I just assume most personals are single but maybe I am wrong.

I posted a thread over on the old MF in its final days that addressed this somewhat -- it was more about what the transition from client to "slavery" and being a personal slave looked like more generally. (i.e., it was less about the marriage aspect of it). There were some good responses there, one from a regular (and married) poster who I'm not sure is over here, so I won't name him. But he wound up finding it too much to handle although also a learning experience.

I would assume that given the rise of more digitally-oriented relationships, financial domination, etc., that there are more married subs in some form of personal slave roles in at least a long-distance kind of way. (For example, you could cover those flower deliveries and coffee even if you're not able to deliver them yourself.)

I talk to subs about the difficulties qe face all the time & I have two married sub friends who are dedicated and basically personals to Pro Dommes.

One's wife had a chronic disease that made her disinterested in sex & that put her into facilities to care for her at times. They never had an explicit discussion (and they had a D/s based relationship in the bedroom) but she basically gave him permission to see someone if he didn't put it in her face & sje was always the priority. From a marriage perspective it worked although he went thru hell when breaking up with the Domme about a year later becaude he was sure she would contact his wife.

The other has been married to a woman he loves for 40+ years but that is basically frigid beyond straight sex. He has been "busted" several times just for having dildos. He also had a Domme who lived about an hour away who would have him over to do chores and build things (he has the skills and equipment) and he loved that relationship.

But, he chose to give it up earlier this year after getting "busted" again & realizing that if he got caught doing the Domme stuff by his wife, he was done. So, he ended that relationship (She totally understood & accepted the decision even though it hurt her).

Two different situations that both guys took big risks with to satisfy a need their spouses couldn't/wouldn't fulfill for them.

I don't allow clients to become "personal" subs. I will not intentionally compete with someone's partner or impinge on their relationship. It is utterly preposterous to even consider that.

In my personal life I only deal with people who are totally devoted to me.

Interesting. Yes that’s it. Everyone has a different unique situation.

Thank you

I probably read that thread on MF but don’t remember it. I wish MF was still around so I could go back.

I can see that with the rise of online domination and findom how it probably is more common for married subs to be personals to some extent. One problem that comes to mind is that credit card and bank transactions are also online for the wife to see but
there could be ways to minimise that.

Married, been "thisclose" to being a personal slave. But not quite. I have known my Mistress, now strictly UTR, for years. Only times we separated was when she moved from the city, or I did. And the couple of times I dropped out of the scene and we lost touch.

My duties have included driving her to places, taking her shopping, moving boxes/furniture out of her place to her storage facility (and back), as well as helping out in the marketing of her vanilla business. All of it is planned, not stuff out of the blue ("Get here in an hour with flowers," etc.). As I said "thisclose" to being personal. She knows much of my situation and respects that, and I do the same.

I don't know if she still sees other subs, and I don't ask. Not my place. But she calls me "my property" and number one, along with a variety demeaning names... I love. We have helped each other during dark times. This is not a romantic situation, more like a client who is a friend, if that makes sense.

What does UTR stand for? When I look it up I get universal tennis rating. lol.

The relationship you describe is much like what I had with a long time personal slave. My husband was fine with it. They would even get together and watch football. It is an odd dynamic to be such close friends but have the Mistress/slave element to it. It came naturally for us. It sounds as if you have a rare find in a positive relationship that is somewhat similar. That is awesome.

UTR, the way I've seen the term used in the context of female bodybuilders who do wrestling or fetish sessions, is "under the radar." Namely, they either they advertised sessions and stopped, keeping only a few loyal clients. Seen it used, I think, for traditional Mistresses too who have all but retired, except for a lucky few they know.