Ever have a session that you just didn't have the correct dynamic or chemistry with your sub? Does the thought of having to put up with that sub again for any amount of money turn your stomach? Was the sub pushy, top from the bottom, cross personal boundaries?

This is bound to happen every once in a while unfortunately, and most of the time they try to book another session, being blindly delusional to the fact I was not really enjoying My time. It's not to say they wouldn't be enjoyed by someone else with different expectations for their submissives, but it won't be Me!

My question is for both Dommes and subs; what is the best way to let a sub down easy?

I dislike the 'ghost and block' method because emails get lost, and I want there to be a clear understanding. I'm usually honest and say 'I don't think we're a good fit, but best of luck'. However, sometimes rejection is hard, and it actually can lead to a worse situation, including stalking, angry emails, and other issues.

How do you usually handle this situation as a Domme?
What would you prefer to happen in this scenario as a sub?

As in most cases of communication, honesty is the best policy. A simple explanation that you are declining future opportunities is best delivered with a healthy does of honesty along with a declaration that no one is "at fault" for this decision. Telling a sub that you do not think that you are suitable play partners can be cushioned by telling the sub that there are plenty of other Dommes who would be willing, if not eager, to play with him. I think the key here is not to assign blame for the incompatibility but to just say that you want him to be happy with his next session that is more likely to happen if he sessions with another Domme. Goodbye and good luck in a gentle and positive send off.

I would rather a Domme tell me after the first session that we were a bad combo than invest hundreds of dollars in the next session and to then to find that out.

There is never any excuse for stalking a Dommme after a session, for any reason at all. There have been times for me that I had an initial session with a Domme after participating in all good faith and then realized we were incompatible for any further play. I didn't blame the Domme, or even myself. I moved on, and I would hope that the vast majority of subs would respectfully do the same if the roles were reversed.

From a subs perspective, I like your approach of "I don't think we are a good fit, but best of luck." If they persist or request future sessions, just deny the proposal.

To me, its obvious when the chemistry is not there. So, its a mutual thing. You just know it when it happens. The energy, fun, and spark just isn't there. Everything seems awkward, no flow, no fun / laughing, and energy exchange is flat.

I guess sometimes the sub doesn't see that - probably so caught up in themselves or the moment to realize it.

I've been fortunate. When I session, the chemistry and energy and fire has always been there. I don't float around alot, tend to see the same domme over long periods of time. With current domme for 10 years. I have played with 7 dommes over 22 years (well 9, if you include doubles in a select sessions). Of those 7, 5 were repeats with 2 one and done. But the 2 one and done were houses - with one being on the west coast and not easily accessible.

From my perspective, all dommes have been very good, with a few being great. From their perspective - well, only they truly know that. Chemistry has always been good, never an issue. I can honestly say the dommes have been very cool, fun, smart, creative, sexy. I wish that was true for all women on earth (gonna get in trouble saying that!, but oh well - its true!). My point - pro dommes are different and unique, and I love it!!!

Celeste

If I fire a client because they push boundaries - I respectfully let them know their actions have consequences.

If I fire a client because I no longer enjoy our time together or think we're not a good match, I politely tell them that I think there are other Dommes out there that would give them a better experience, and I don't want to waste their time.

In both cases I wish them well on their kink journey.

Although I don't ghost people, I understand why some do. Some people cant handle rejection. I've received a lot of hate, stalking, abuse. I've had one person make numerous twitters to try to attack me over a long period. I've had MULTIPLE people try to see me after I've banned them. Some people just don't understand the word "no." They don't care about our feelings and what we want because they don't see us as humans; just fetish dispensers they can buy.

Society does need to teach men (and frankly, everyone) better ways of handling rejection. It’s a part of life; we can’t always be the hero in the narrative.-MM







100% true. I also hear similar things from the vanilla women I know. They get literally afraid when they turn a guy down because they don't know if he will take it like an adult or if they will go full-nasty on them.

I'm for prodommes and other women doing whatever is safest for them.

I wish society would step to the plate with resources for parents that will help them avoid raising men who are that brittle about being turned down. Also have stuff to help adult men with that problem get over it.

Society today is much different now vs yesteryear. Entitlement, woke, and political correctness is the way. People don't like being told "No" in any regard. Its unfortunate but true. Saying "No" should be enough, without having to cite a reason. Nobody is entitled a "seat at the table" with a beautiful and powerful mistress - there has to be compatibility and respect must be earned!

Celeste

I don't think the things you listed have anything to do with it.

I think the level of communication is greater and that a chunk of men handling being turned down poorly has always been around. The fact that there are men who do handle it will leads me to think the issue is rooted in their upbringing.

If people want a safer society for women ( and better lives for men ) those factors should identified, communicated, and help made available for parents who want to bring their kids up right.

How do you achieve that? Its almost impossible to impart change at an individual family level.

I do think it is different today versus 20 - 30 years ago. Just technology and accessibility alone is vastly different. I don't think it is solely upbringing. I mean - people are adults at the age of 18. Its time to start being the part.

Celeste

There are people who are open minded and who want the best for their children. There are grown men with those problems who don't want to be like that. I'm not an expert. I would say a way to start turning things around is to do the research if it needs to be done, then publicize the issue as well as what to do about it. Books, magazines, talk shows, Internet videos etc. Get the word out about a path forward.

This is a good topic. There is a sub from many years ago that I still think about and wonder what the best way to have told him that we weren't a good fit. Without going into detail, his fetish was just too much for me. It left me feeling nauseated. When he called to book another session, I told him why he should find another dom. I was polite about it. But, it hurt his feelings. It seemed as if it made him feel bad about himself and took all of his good memories away from the first session that left him on cloud 9. I've not come up with a better way to have handled the situation although there must be one. It's good reading input from other posters.