IMO (<-always) Subs are not always fetishists and vice versa, in case anyone here is in doubt. Forcing yourself into one of those cubbyholes is a recipe for disaster.

po

Responding without reading the entire thread.

D/s & BDSM is reliant on good communication, so in a situation like this I would prefer that the Domme say something like:

"Thanks for reaching out again and I am glad to know you had a good experience when we played before, but I just felt that our chemistry was bad. Although I am a professional, I do this because I love it & that wasn't the experience I had in our session so I feel it is better if you find someone more suitable to your needs."

Then, when I inevitably try to respond saying give me another chance I would understand the block & ghost response. If you don't respond at all, I generally assume technology problems & will try multiple avenues to contact while also having an incredible amount of stress until I realize that you are literally ghostung me (it is also less likely that I will have a poor opinion of the Domme). I also, think ghosting is just weak & I wrongly expect that Dommes should be stronger than that.

While I agree that being upfront and honest is the best course, there sometimes has to be a margin for accounting one’s safety and boundaries first.

I’ve been threatened to be ousted/doxxed by one client who didn’t accept rejection as an answer. The best course was blocking, ghosting, and blacklisting.
While extreme in measure, so were the circumstances.

MM

+1

I think you end things in exactly the right way & have nothing but respect for that.

Sometimes the chemistry is so off you know the client is going to be problematic when you turn them down--- calling Dommes "weak" for avoiding a potentially dangerous/stalking situation feels like you're skipping the whole point of the discussion to throw an insult out.

I'm sorry Mistress, it was not my intention to throw out an insult & I am sorry you read it that way. I definitely wasn't calling anyone out by name so I am not sure why you took it as an insult. We are also probably also talking about two different situations. If you only had one bad encounter with a sub and you think it might turn dangerous then I can understand not engaging.


However, I am speaking from my experiences being on both sides of rejection within D/s. Specifically in relation to Pros, I have longer term associations with Dommes & am pretty well known for my moderate temperment.

So, yes, when a Domme decides to end a longer term relationship (as in 5+ years of sessioning & outside the dungeon support) by ghosting it is extremely rude & weak, imo, and yes I do think that it says a lot about the person behind the persona if they choose that route. Insulting or not.

I've had Dommes choose not to see me again for various reasons. Shit happens, people make decisions, and I respect that totally in all realms but when it is going to have a large effect on the other person, just sending a simple message saying they have made that decision is the proper way to act as a person regardless of D/s.

Those Dommes that do that, I will always respect even if they have rejected me for some reason (even those that go out of their way to avoid interactions on forums or in public settings years later after never being stalked, harassed or even contacted by me). Those that don't, I won't & do think its a character flaw on their part.

Ghosting after 5 years is a totally different topic. If someone does that to you I would wonder what the issue was that couldn't be resolved in a discussion.

These are the ones that were probably a bit unhinged to begin with.

I agree with your no ghosting policy but the moment they persist after being told "no" gently I quit communicating. They won't be placated anyway.

I never doubted my decision in the matter. The person in question wouldn’t take ‘No!’ for an answer.

MM