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#21673 - 09/18/24 10:37 PM Re: Letting subs down easy... [Re: Mistress UV]
Poester Online   content
Enthusiast

Registered: 01/04/18
Posts: 316
IMO (<-always) Subs are not always fetishists and vice versa, in case anyone here is in doubt. Forcing yourself into one of those cubbyholes is a recipe for disaster.

po

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#21757 - 10/06/24 11:07 AM Re: Letting subs down easy... [Re: Mistress UV]
AspX Online   content
Sage

Registered: 07/08/16
Posts: 1058
Loc: Detroit
Responding without reading the entire thread.

D/s & BDSM is reliant on good communication, so in a situation like this I would prefer that the Domme say something like:

"Thanks for reaching out again and I am glad to know you had a good experience when we played before, but I just felt that our chemistry was bad. Although I am a professional, I do this because I love it & that wasn't the experience I had in our session so I feel it is better if you find someone more suitable to your needs."

Then, when I inevitably try to respond saying give me another chance I would understand the block & ghost response. If you don't respond at all, I generally assume technology problems & will try multiple avenues to contact while also having an incredible amount of stress until I realize that you are literally ghostung me (it is also less likely that I will have a poor opinion of the Domme). I also, think ghosting is just weak & I wrongly expect that Dommes should be stronger than that.
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Asp


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#21762 - 10/07/24 12:47 PM Re: Letting subs down easy... [Re: Mistress UV]
MistressMaraM Online   content

Member

Registered: 06/29/19
Posts: 21
Loc: Chicago, Worldwide
While I agree that being upfront and honest is the best course, there sometimes has to be a margin for accounting one’s safety and boundaries first.

I’ve been threatened to be ousted/doxxed by one client who didn’t accept rejection as an answer. The best course was blocking, ghosting, and blacklisting.
While extreme in measure, so were the circumstances.

MM


Edited by MistressMaraM (10/07/24 04:35 PM)
_________________________
Mistress Mara
www.maramayhem.com

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#21768 - 10/07/24 04:14 PM Re: Letting subs down easy... [Re: MistressMaraM]
Soapy Online   happy
Addict

Registered: 10/10/15
Posts: 678
+1

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#21775 - 10/09/24 05:05 AM Re: Letting subs down easy... [Re: MistressMaraM]
AspX Online   content
Sage

Registered: 07/08/16
Posts: 1058
Loc: Detroit
I think you end things in exactly the right way & have nothing but respect for that.
_________________________
Asp


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#21807 - 10/15/24 10:53 PM Re: Letting subs down easy... [Re: AspX]
Mistress UV Online   content

Enthusiast

Registered: 10/18/15
Posts: 282
Loc: Atlanta
Sometimes the chemistry is so off you know the client is going to be problematic when you turn them down--- calling Dommes "weak" for avoiding a potentially dangerous/stalking situation feels like you're skipping the whole point of the discussion to throw an insult out.
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Mistress Ultra Violet

Owner & Operator of Atlanta Dungeon

(404)-825-5106
Mistressultraviolet@yahoo.com
mistressultraviolet@proton.me

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#21832 - 10/20/24 11:06 AM Re: Letting subs down easy... [Re: Mistress UV]
AspX Online   content
Sage

Registered: 07/08/16
Posts: 1058
Loc: Detroit
I'm sorry Mistress, it was not my intention to throw out an insult & I am sorry you read it that way. I definitely wasn't calling anyone out by name so I am not sure why you took it as an insult. We are also probably also talking about two different situations. If you only had one bad encounter with a sub and you think it might turn dangerous then I can understand not engaging.


However, I am speaking from my experiences being on both sides of rejection within D/s. Specifically in relation to Pros, I have longer term associations with Dommes & am pretty well known for my moderate temperment.

So, yes, when a Domme decides to end a longer term relationship (as in 5+ years of sessioning & outside the dungeon support) by ghosting it is extremely rude & weak, imo, and yes I do think that it says a lot about the person behind the persona if they choose that route. Insulting or not.

I've had Dommes choose not to see me again for various reasons. Shit happens, people make decisions, and I respect that totally in all realms but when it is going to have a large effect on the other person, just sending a simple message saying they have made that decision is the proper way to act as a person regardless of D/s.

Those Dommes that do that, I will always respect even if they have rejected me for some reason (even those that go out of their way to avoid interactions on forums or in public settings years later after never being stalked, harassed or even contacted by me). Those that don't, I won't & do think its a character flaw on their part.
_________________________
Asp


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#21838 - 10/22/24 09:42 AM Re: Letting subs down easy... [Re: AspX]
Mistress UV Online   content

Enthusiast

Registered: 10/18/15
Posts: 282
Loc: Atlanta
Ghosting after 5 years is a totally different topic. If someone does that to you I would wonder what the issue was that couldn't be resolved in a discussion.
_________________________
Mistress Ultra Violet

Owner & Operator of Atlanta Dungeon

(404)-825-5106
Mistressultraviolet@yahoo.com
mistressultraviolet@proton.me

www.mistressultraviolet.com
www.atlantadungeon.com


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#21849 - 10/23/24 12:14 PM Re: Letting subs down easy... [Re: Mistress UV]
Mistress Ayn Online   content

Veteran

Registered: 10/13/15
Posts: 1318
Loc: Romania
Originally Posted By Mistress UV
However, sometimes rejection is hard, and it actually can lead to a worse situation, including stalking, angry emails, and other issues.


These are the ones that were probably a bit unhinged to begin with.

I agree with your no ghosting policy but the moment they persist after being told "no" gently I quit communicating. They won't be placated anyway.
_________________________
Making grown men cry . . . and loving every minute of it.

Main website: www.mistressayn.com
Content site: www.aynrules.com
Follow Me on Twitter - @MistressAyn

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#21852 - 10/23/24 12:51 PM Re: Letting subs down easy... [Re: AspX]
MistressMaraM Online   content

Member

Registered: 06/29/19
Posts: 21
Loc: Chicago, Worldwide
I never doubted my decision in the matter. The person in question wouldn’t take ‘No!’ for an answer.

MM
_________________________
Mistress Mara
www.maramayhem.com

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