The worst thing that ever happened to me, from a sub's perspective, was being ghosted with someone I had a long history with and never knowing why. It changed my whole outlook on D/s relationships.

A lot of people into kink experience some shame and guilt about their fantasies when they are starting out. So it is important that the rejection not come across as judgmental. This goes hand in hand with holding out hope that the sub will find a better fit with someone else.

I knew one Domme who had a serious problem with a stalker. Also knew a switch who had 3 stalkers though it wasn't clear to me if it was kink or vanilla related. She warned me that one of them might pose a threat to me but nothing transpired.

I think half the time the chemistry is off is because they're not actually submissive, and when you write to set a boundary or tell them what they don't want to hear --- that you won't continue to fulfill their 'need'---they will show their true colors. I'm seeing more and more that throw absolute tantrums when I tell them I'm not interested in seeing them. I don't think it's my job to teach grown men how to deal with the word 'NO' but I do think they need to hear it more often.

+1

Mistress, this sounds like a generational reaction which is outside of my experience. The word "entitlement" comes to mind, i.e. "I want to session with you and have the disposable income to do it," etc. And you are absolutely correct about "they're not actually submissive."

Years ago, during a period I sessioned with a variety of Mistresses, a couple said that the emotional weight some subs dumped onto them was highly stressful. But I never heard of not being able to take "NO" for an answer.

a wordless farewell
can sever a wounded heart
rendering despair

I could start a whole other thread on the emotional weight subs "dump" on Dommes. I don't think it's just Dommes though --I think that's a conversation about expectations from gender roles in general. Expecting emotional labor from women around them is something men have a problem with in and out of ProDomme/SW worlds. As much as I'd like to connect with a lot of My good subs on a more emotional basis or get to know them better I just don't have the energy or the space, and I can bet most Dommes who take a lot of sessions would feel similar. I think they fail to take into account that we are dealing with multiple subs, while they are only in charge of serving one Domme.

Excellent points and absolutely true.

i try to be aware of that ...i know i become just talky and even babbly after a session and generally dont talk about emotions much then but im sure it can be exhausting...ive been privileged to serve generous and caring Dommes who seem interested to listen or perhaps even like to chat after a session themselves...for myself, i often schedule or at least plan to do something after the session such as a meal, so im not uninclined to be on my way in the even that i do have to be signalled its time to go...

That's the worst thing in any relationship of significant length not just D/s. Imo, the lesson, whatever it is for the individual, is also broadly applicable not just to D/s.

po