I relate to this and I am not even Catholic.

I feel so guilty after a session, and my fear of being caught is so high that my first impulse is to get away from the playspace as soon as possible.

Only after I feel I am safely away and have "gotten away with it" can I start to process it and enjoy the memory.

I don't know who I am afraid of catching me. It's not like I am doing anything wrong or hurting anyone. I was ashamed of my kinks for so long and that the shame rears its ugly head as soon as the endorphin rush of the session is over.

I think the excitement of a session keeps me from thinking about the shame before.

Maybe it's just sub-drop!