How many of you folks give or receive what some people call "aftercare," in most sessions? What does the aftercare consist of, for you or those receiving the session or for the domme? How often, if at all, is the aftercare somewhat sexy, if it is ok to ask, even if that is merely tease denial or some JOI?

Always give aftercare consisting of a basic check-in, making sure someone is okay and not too spacey to leave.



You sound like you want a girlfriend.

What does s*y means? After reading the post I'm guessing sexy but originally my mind thought sissy.

"How many of you folks give or receive what some people call "aftercare," in most sessions?"
To answer your question safety (aftercare) is always sexy. So yes, always provide care after a scene but, keep in mind, this can look different each session. .02

"is the aftercare somewhat sexy, if it is ok to ask, even if that is merely tease denial or some JOI?"
????

Aftercare for me is being allowed to take some time after the session to collect my thoughts, flush the adrenalin, and physically decompress. There is always some conversation about the session with the Domme, usually it's me telling the Domme how great the session was and her hopefully telling me she enjoyed it as well. Those conversations are usually great fun, with more than a few laughs involved.

I can't think of a time after a session when the Domme didn't tell me to relax for a few minutes, and many offered me an opportunity to shower or clean up. The better the session, the more important aftercare becomes for me. I don't think I am unique in looking at time spent during aftercare as a gift from the Domme, and I am careful not to abuse it.

ztrade.... after looking at some of your other posts, and I mean no disrespect towards you in asking this question, but have you ever actually had a real time BDSM session with a professional Dominatrix?

jack

about a dozen . . . almost half of the visits with one or more who post here at domina.ms . . .

back when maxfisch was functioning . . . approx 75% of my in person domme visits were with dommes who posted at times at maxfisch. (There seem to have been more dommes, at least of those I know, who posted at maxfisch than at domina.ms, at least from 2012 to 2020!)

In fact, I was asked to write a review of a domme visit by one of my first dommes, who asked for a review written by me, to be placed on maxfisch . . . and that is how I learned of maxfisch!

That domme was a domme I met at a party at what was then her dungeon, but I think it has been closed down or changed since covid!

When I have a little extra money I see a domme about once a year or twice a year. When money is tight, I merely wait!

My first visits with a domme were back in 2012, if I remember the year right.

On one hand you ask if I have actually seen a domme; the thing is simply that in addition to having seen about 7 of them, that I read the reviews of them an their websites, and those are of dommes in the USA, Canada, UK and Europe and Australia. And the dommes or some of them in various lands have different conceptions of what their domme visits include. So it is reasonable to ask!

and there is the website of erotic reviews which includes reviews of many dommes . . .

During the pandemic and for nearly a year I did not see dommes, like many of us . . . and spent time at times visiting an occasional website, reading reviews or threads here or at maxfisch. But, yeah, I see and have seen dommes!

Anytime I've had a session that involved sexy bits (and nearly all have) it was always separate and before any aftercare. For me aftercare comes after the session ends and involves transitioning out of the DS headspace.

In my experience it's more about a bit of time to clean up, relax, process, perhaps chat a bit about vanilla subjects and gradually return to reality.

Z, thanks for the comprehensive reply.

You are certainly correct that Dommes vary significantly in their sessions, but in regard to your OP I can say that the several dozen Dommes I have played with over the last 30 years have all approached aftercare from the same concept of giving me some time to simply relax and decompress, emotionally and physically, after the ending of a session. I think they were often doing the same thing. Sometimes there is some good natured chat about the session, a bottle of water and an offer to let me use the facilities to clean myself up.

Other than talking in aftercare about the session's activities and perhaps some ideas for our next session, I have never had a Domme go down the road of JOI as part of aftercare, or frankly anything of an explicitly sexual nature.

Thanks for your thoughtful reply to my question, and I hope you get the chance to session again soon.

jack

Aftercare is an extremely important part of any scene or session. I teach a class on aftercare that strives to describe this including how to negotiate it.

It is possible to negotiate no aftercare, to not want aftercare, or to get your aftercare from someone other than the person you played with. However, that does not exclude aftercare from the session.

I think any Professional would seek to at least make sure any first aid had been performed if needed at bare minimum. A check in or follow up is standard. I like to think of it like a doctor's visit where your aftercare is your take home instructions and a quick follow up if necessary.

The concept of "sexy aftercare" is not something a professional provider would do as I'm understanding your question. That is something better suited to a personal relationship. And even in Lifestyle BDSM classes I caution against using sex as aftercare unless in an established relationship.

What does aftercare consist of? From my class outline-

Immediate aftercare- health assessment and any immediate first aid. Water. Maybe a snack. Rest. A blanket can be nice.

Secondary aftercare- Clean up and refreshen. Maybe more water. Conversation and come down. Regroup and secondary assessments of first aid. Perhaps some comfort- petting. foot worship. snuggle your stuffie. etc. Making sure you are safe and in good mental order to go home!

Tertiary aftercare- follow your selfcare routine! follow any instructions for first aid or processing you might have received. rest and recuperate. check in and follow up with your provider.

Most drop can be avoided with sleep, food, water, and other basic selfcare like hygiene or enjoying personal hobbies and friends. I suggest all subs plan for their own aftercare and learn what helps them. It can be different for everyone and often coincides with your preferred play activities.

That goes beyond your question but maybe that explains something to someone somewhere.

Well, in my experience, the first batch of dommes that I saw in person did not say or do much in terms of aftercare . . . After several years, one domme and I were having a pre-session consultation, and she asked me what I thought of, understood or expected aftercare to be.

She is the first and only one to have brought up that topic in that way, and also, she is known to diverge into some sxy activities with some. (Of course, maybe she is Canadian rather than of the USA!) Anyway, whether that is part of aftercare for her I did not ask, directly, at that time.

And it made me wonder how she and others understood aftercare . . . though I have not asked her directly.

I would note that the first of the dommes I saw, one who is now retired, with some domme friends took a vacation-work trip to Australia, in part, simply cause the laws re domming or other work are more liberal there. And they wanted a vacation from US and state laws for a few weeks!

And there is an obvious and dramatic contrast between the average USA domme and the average Canadian domme in terms of clips and/or website.

If we simply search for "bdsm aftercare" on google, the first links/pages which come up in a google search speak of aftercare after sx . . . three of the first five pages on the topic of bdsm aftercare speak of aftercare after sxual activities . . .

If you wish, or if you pray, wish or pray that I make a lot of money! Then I will have 2 to 4 sessions in the next 12 months, rather than 0 or 1!

z

Z, I know many Dommes in the USA and Europe and not one of them would consider tease and denial or JOI aftercare.