Forgive me if I’m a bit of a contrarian on this. My experience losing a deposit two years ago changed my perspective a bit.

I think well known doesn’t necessarily mean what it used to. In the internet age, well known can just mean very present online. I rely much more heavily these days on referrals and asking Dommes I know if they know so and so.

I also don’t know that illegitimately keeping someone’s deposit will tank a Domme’s reputation anymore. Especially in my case and the OP’s case where travel was involved. If a NYC Domme (as example) stole my deposit I would very likely pass that on to a number of awesome, amazing NYC Domme’s I know. When it’s someone on the West Coast, I don’t really have that option. I could post here, certainly. It’s a safe space, I think I have enough history here to be taken seriously but would that post tank her reputation. Probably not. I could tweet about it but most of my followers are bots lol and she would certainly block me. I suspect my tweet would quickly be lost to the sands of time/internet churn.

But what might she do? If I gave my real name (not uncommon these days) she could dox me in retaliation. Even if she didn’t do that, she very well may black list me. Do I have “receipts”, yes. Is anyone going to read my email history to confirm my story. Probably not. Would I win in small claims court, 100% yes. Will I win in an internet fight with an established Domme, no at least not in my opinion

I should also add I don’t think in either case the Domme was running a scam. I suspect both regularly take deposits, honor them, and have sessions. I just think in both cases it may have been more of a “oh well, shit happens, plans change, what are you gonna do about it” type attitude. What’s mine is mine and what’s yours is mine. That is at least my suspicion

I’m not anti deposit. Not at all. I’m just a bit more selective these days. The Dommes I play with are rock stars. I trust them completely. I’ve just learned that imo sexy chat on SP, a strong Twitter game and website doesn’t guarantee you’re ethical.