thanks for the posts spike. i've had the same kind of issues. my problem isn't limited to kink, its all the time. eventually i worked with a therapist and was diagnosed with avoidant personality disorder. i run from everything resembling a relationship and i couldn't understand why i couldn't find someone to have a relationship with. i don't know anything about you, so i'm not saying you might have a disorder similar to mine or anything about you at all. what i am saying, is it might be something that hasn't even occurred to you yet or that you've even heard of at all. this thread, that you started, has been really helpful to me. i know nothing about relationships and it sounds like a lot of great advice that i am trying to put into practice.