Originally Posted By TheDriver
Ms Tissa
My impression is that you feel a wife/partner deserves to at least hear the truth....and let the cards fall where they may. Hopefully in a direction that benefits both partners.


Of course I believe that the person who has extended a great deal of trust to you and agreed to build a relationship together with you deserves to know the truth about things which affect her and that relationship. It's axiomatic.

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The concern is that once the cat is out of the bag, there's no getting it back in there if the honesty doesn't go well.


Why are people entering into partnerships in which they have to keep the cat in the bag? I personally would never do that. Why would I ever want to knowingly and willingly attempt to share a life with someone who I don't think would accept me? It's fundamentally illogical.

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If Im honest with my wife and mention she's put on a couple of pounds....it's probably not going to go over well, so I often choose to say nothing.


My goodness. A woman gaining a couple of pounds is not analogous to you cheating on her.

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I suspect that most guys have given there partner an inkling of their desires, which may not have been met with a positive result....so they reeled it back in with a laugh, before it blew up.


I have counseled men about this issue. I've offered suggestions about how to approach their partner. I applaud these men for wanting to do the right thing. When we're coming up with a plan I tell them to be prepared that she may not react well. This is because when we as humans are faced with a surprise or something we don't understand we tend to instinctively react with fear. But that it's important to know that her, or anyone's, initial reaction is not necessarily an indicator of how those feelings will progress and resolve. It does not mean she won't come to accept it. It does not mean she won't end up wanting to explore kink with you.

In fact, one of my current clients told me that when he told his partner about his kinky interests she was initially very negative and judgmental. But, after speaking with her more about it, she softened and ended up wanting to try it out with him. Now, she is actually really into it and it's contributed to the deepening of their bond.

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So my question is...what do you do if the honesty blows up?


You talk about it, like adults. If needed, you get counseling. If you both are committed to making the relationship work you will find the solution. However, if it's built on an illusion then may learn that you don't actually have a real connection to begin with.

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Your thoughts are of particular interest, not just because you're a professional, but you are also a woman who speaks her truth.


Yes, I'm a professional but first and foremost I'm an actual Dominant woman, and my participation in this and other forums is driven by this. I don't think some of you men realize how you undermine your lives. (Women do this, too, of course.) I have read countless posts and had many conversations with men who say how much they would love to be with a Dominant woman, like me, yet openly express attitudes and opinions which repel women like me.

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I don't think your thoughts are the same as most women. I have seven sisters and they don't think like you.


You don't need to worry about "most women". You just need to worry about the one you're with.

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It would be interesting to hear from a woman whose husband was honest with her about his kinky desires. How did she feel about it?


Was she kinky? Because, gentlemen, if you're kinky and being able to explore and express that is important to you, then you should be looking for a kinky partner. I can't imagine trying to form a relationship with a person who wasn't kinky. It feels like a failure before it even begins!